What should be done about this adoptive 'mother'?

Question

Well, another 'depressed' woman on drugs to treat her 'condition' killed a child, her 'dream come true' according to authorities.

This woman was already the mother to two biological children, the police call the violent act an 'isolated incident'.

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071214/LOCAL/712140474/1006/LOCAL11

Answer 1

Are you going to post links to all the news stories of biological parents that kill their biological children? Yeah, didn't think so.

edit: Really, ever heard of Andrea Yates, or Susan Smith ?And those are just off the top of my head.

Answer 2

The same should be done to this mother that would be done to any other mother who's killed her child.  Bio, step, adopted, foster...none of that matters!  What matters is that a child was killed.  

Sadly, there are too many stories of mothers killing their own children.  Several recent news articles pop up using google.   The news media likes to sensationalize 'large-big-grand' cases like Andrea Yates or Susan Smith.  The less sensational the story, the less press it's gets.  

How about the moms who fail to protect their babies and simply stand by while a boyfriend or husband beat their child to death?   Does it really matter whether the child injured or killed is adopted?  Is it somehow more of a crime when the child is adopted?  

I respectfully disagree that adoptive parents should be held to a "higher standard" - does that mean they should be punished more severly?  Yes, the adoption 'industry' needs reform.  But not because of this particular issue.

Bio parents don't have to go through any tests, reviews, home studies, etc., to become parents.  EVERY parent should be held equally accountable for the safety and well being of their children.  PERIOD.  

Here are a few recent cases:

Mother killed 3 children, self

10/29/07 St Lake county

http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,69...

12/6/7 German other kills her 5 children  

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe...

2/2005 mother cuts off arms of her 10 month old, jury decides she's not fit to stand trial

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/4194011/detail...

11/30/07 AUGUSTA, Ga. (AP) - A 22-year-old Georgia woman is facing murder charges for allegedly stabbing her two young children to death in a convenience store bathroom

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe...

PS Thanks for the question & everyone's answers.

Answer 3

Well, obviously she got overwhelmed and instead of reaching out to get help from her husband, family members or church she lashed out to the baby. Just like any biological parent that abuses or kills their offspring she has to be tried for her crimes and if found gulity she has to be punished.

With saying that I'm very happy that my adoptive parents were never like that. Just like any parent they got upset with me and punshihed me, but they never abused me. I'm also know that not every adoptive parent adopts just to abuse or kill their children.

Some people are not meant to be parents wither they are biological or adoptive.

Well, that is a point. I guess what I was trying to say that she bit off more than she could chew and instead of getting professional help, she choose to resent her adopted daughter. Which is really sad.

Answer 4

The same thing that happens to anyone who kills another.

I don't know about other states...and this is soooo not something to make texas sound good...but this year alone we've had 3 or maybe 4 reports of parents killing thier bio children...one of them only set her daughters on fire and only one died so i guess that doesn't count in your 'survey'.  It happens. Its awful and horrific.  I doubt her adoptive status had anything to do with it tho.  maybe she wouldn't stop crying (which is the #1 reason for 'shaken baby syndrome'.  No one can guess what goes thru anothers' mind - especially if they are crazy enuf to kill a child.

Answer 5

No matter how you look at this, it is a terrible tragedy.  Your question as to what should be done about this adoptive mother...it isn't for us to decide.  Hopefully, the laws that bind us all, adopted or not, will prosecute her to the fullest extent possible.

I think you misrepresent the mention of "isolated incident."  As I read the article, the doctors indicated that the baby's death was caused by an "isolated incident" of abuse...implying that there were no other signs or indications that the abuse was recurrent.

Answer 6

Were here bio-children not older, ages 3 and 5?

It sounds to me as if this mother may have reached her breaking point adopted child or not. I do not think it had anything to do with this child being adopted. It would be easy to read more into this than I believe is there. I do not think that this is any more than a mother reaching her breaking point and shaking her baby, as bad is that is.

Answer 7

I think this woman should be locked away forever.  

"Overwhelmed"??? I know plenty of moms to three or more kids who never got "overwhelmed" and killed one of them.  "Overwhelmed"???  Really???  That's a good excuse? I don't think so.

Psychos should not be allowed to adopt.  Period.

People complain up and down about the fact that countries are putting restrictions on those who adopt internationally but they are doing it because they don't like seeing their children killed by psychos with money.  These countries are trusting us Americans with their children and people out there are killing them.

It's interesting to me that no one wants to hear about abusive adopters.  They come from the land of make believe.  They are only isolated incidents.

If you want some happy answers, start asking questions about crackwhore birthmothers and abusive bioparents who never planned to place.  Everybody has two pennies to add to that conversation.

Answer 8

i'm sure it was all the little dead adoptees fault for not "bonding" enough and crying for her country and home. Yep, all the adoptees fault, after freaking all, this adopter ALWAYS dreamed of adopting, has raised other children and didn't kill them and went through scrutny investigation through good ole bethany!

at least the little girl is finally free of all this abuse. Poor child.

I'm taking a silent moment of peace for her now.

This adopter should be publically hung.

Answer 9

She deserves the same punishment anyone else would receive for causing the death of their child.

ETA:  Bio parents who kill their kids:  Andrea Yates,  Susan Smith, are two that come to mind.  More current are: Amber Hill, Amanda Smith, Danielle Wails.

Answer 10

Your statement that mothers don't kill their biological children is flat-out false.  Consider the infamous case of Andrea Yates...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Yate...

There are dozens of cases each year where mothers, and fathers, kill their own children either because of mental illness (usually depression) or through abuse and neglect.  This is an issue about parenting in general, not adoption.

In fact, you could cite as many or more cases of biological mothers having their kids removed by CPS, fighting to get them back, getting them back, and then abusing the kids to the point of death or permanent injury.  Using your logic, CPS should never return children to their biological parents.

My point is, a couple of reported cases of anything prove nothing.  These cases were reported in the paper BECAUSE they incite emotion, not because there is any sort of epidemic.

Edit -

You should go into politics...

Step 1 - Cite one or two isolated incidents as proof for your point of view.

Step 2 - Make grandiose statements like "It's almost impossible to find articles where bio parents kill their children", and then, when such articles are pointed out, rebut using specious arguments.

Step 3 - Attack anyone who challenges you.

Answer 11

Very sad indeed. This woman needs to be punished. Just like anyone else who kills a child.  It sad the woman had issues of depression. Maybe she didn’t kill her bio children but she could have eventually. If this lady has serious depression it was only a matter of time before she snapped on someone. Her adopted child was the youngest and often the youngest are the easier victims.

Bio parents kill their kids too just because there aren’t as many articles or you don’t hear about it, means nothing. Just a few months ago a mother hung herself and all of her children, luckily the youngest child by a miracle of god survived.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/2...

I totally agree with Wundt. I also agree with healing adoptee that some people are not meant to be parents wether they are biological parents or adoptive parents. The world is full of  a lot of people who should not be parents.

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/ch...

Answer 12

I feel bad for everyone involved.  Her two bio kids have lost their mom, her husband has lost his wife, and I hope she lives every single day for the rest of her life with the remorse for what she did to this poor little innocent child.

What can cause a person to become so enraged with a baby?  A BABY??  It just makes me cry.

And they keep records closed because ADOPTEES are "doing harm?"  I've never  heard of one single adoptee who went and shook her n-mother to death.

Answer 13

I'm thinking that the bond formed prior to birth is more powerful than people think. Many bio moms who murder their children have postpartum psychosis, rare and dangerous it can be cause for infanticide. Not all women with psychosis will kill their child, many choose suicide instead, some are able to get help or be forced into it.

I will admit I know little about post adoption depression or if it has been shown to lead to post adoption psychosis. Regardless, I do not believe than anyone with a mental illness is without blame if they commit murder. I also hold family and friends partially responsible. If you are seeing a drastic change in the attitude, thought or behaviour after someone becomes a parent then you should be seeking treatment even if that person is against it. If more people were willing to step up and help people with depression I have no doubt that the suicide and murder rates involving mentally unstable perpetrators would decline.

I find it hard to believe that NOBODY around this woman saw any signs of poor coping in her role as a new mother. People rarely just "snap" and kill someone, there are little warning signs and they need to be made more recognizable.  

I am just sick at the Father's comments as well. "David Kyrie told detectives that “Chaeli is stubborn and it was hard to get her to do anything.” My daughter is extremely sour for the most part and I had PPD but not once have I even come remotely close to causing her harm of any kind, let alone death. This statement makes it appear he is putting blame on an innocent child. SICKO!

Answer 14

Wow, one in 10 million mothers snaps and does something awful.  That's obviously a reason to let lots of kids linger in orphanages...  

Seriously, so what?  It's awful, it's trajic, but it isn't representative of the whole.  

Last Christmas a teenage mother killed her almost 16 month old daughter and hid her under her house.  About a month later she killed her 4 month old son and hid him under the house too.  She didn't bury them, just stuck them in bags and stuck them under there.  Then she continued to live in the house on top of them.  Obviously this means that all teen mothers should have their children taken away from them or they'll end up decomposing under a house!  

That's the logic you're trying to use, and it just doesn't make sense.  There are some very good teen mothers.  There are TONS of very good adoptive mothers.  Why harp?

Answer 15

This question is so biased,  you've obvious came to the adoption with a formed judgment against the adopted parents, there were many incidents of biological mom whom had same problem as this motherthat had depression and killed her child, what made her so special for you to point her out here

Answer 16

What should be done?  How many of these stories will it take to force a standard of testing prospective adoptive and foster parents for psychological and emotional health?

When will people understand that raising adopted children is far more challenging than raising one's bio children?

Adopted children come to their new families already struggling with the loss of their mothers. They need heaps of empathy and extra gentle care.

Many people can appear to be emotionally healthy under normal circumstances but, under stress, behave abominably.

Many prospective adopters who already have bio children, because they are uninformed, will expect the adopted child to behave in the same way their bio children did. They won't.

Combine unrealistic expectations with dangerous stress response behavior, and you have abuse just waiting to happen.

As long as North Americans continue to regard adoption as a sacred cow, adopters MUST be held to a higher standard - and I'm not talking about bank accounts.

EDIT.....

To Wundt: http://www.newsweek.com/id/74385