What should i do!? She's pregnant.?

Question

Ok sort of a messed up situation, about 8 years ago i had a vasectomy. I got married 4 years ago, she knew about the vasectomy and that i did not have any desire to have children. Sorry i know you all love yours but i can't stand the little brats.

Well about a week ago my wife tells me she is pregnant, i of course blew up and accused her of cheating. How else could she get pregnant? I was really confused as i know where she is all the time and what she is doing, we stay in constant communication.

Well of course due to my accusation we had a huge fight, but she finally convinced me that it might be mine. So i figured there was only one way to find out for sure, i went to the doctors office and left a sample of my ejaculation. They checked it for a sperm count and it would appear that somehow after 8 years my vasectomy reversed itself!?!?

I'm a little bit at a loss, I love my wife, she wants to keep this child. Says it's a miracle, and we should accept this gift from god. Well problem is i don't believe in god or miracles, I do believe in freak acts of nature however.

But anyways, i do not want this child, i have no desire to keep it. I have in fact already scheduled another vasectomy to ensure this does not happen again.

But my problem is, how do i convince my wife that i would make a horrible father and that getting an abortion would be for the best? I know some may say put it up for adoption, but if it's born i know she will want to keep it. So the only answer is abortion, how would i convince her?

Answer 1

  Okay, so you all had way different ideas on what would happen in the event that she got pregnant anyway.  I don't blame you for not talking about it because who would guess it would happen.  You knew you didn't want children and thought that you had thoroughly taken care of the situation.  This is far more admirable than the guy who is "sure" he doesn't want kids and gets pissed off at his girlfriend when he impregnates after leaving the responsibility of birth control entirely in her hands.    

  

  So now you're in a situation where both of you had assumed you were in agreement.  I have to say that I feel more for her predicament than for yours.  And that's assuming that you've already profusely apologized for accusing her of doing something awful that she didn't do.  I'm sure you feel really horrible about that.  You already know what your decision is - not to be an active father no matter what (you ould still be responsible for some support).  She still has an awful decision to make.  If she chooses to keep the baby (it sounds like she's going to) then she has to do it knowing that the father is not someone she shares common goals and values with.  I think the best situation for everyone is that she leaves and raises the child on her own.  I'm like the others, if she stays, she will always resent you and she would never be the same since she wants to have the baby.  

   Your last sentence through me for a loop.  I was actually feeling for you more until I read that.  You do understand that YOU are the one that got her pregnant right?  I'm feeling for you on having the V and still getting someone pregnant.  That would suck, but the only way to truly prevent it would be not to have s*x.  If you are enough an adult to have s*x, you should be enough of an adult to deal with the most natural consequence of it.  

Answer 2

You can't.

Answer 3

Why would you only think about your shelf?Do you know how she would even feel killing this baby and remembering it the rest of her life?You don't understand how hard it is do you?Do you want to see your wife crying all the time because you talked her into doing this?She could even end up hating you for it.Is this what you really want because you don't want kids?If i were her i'd leave you in the dust.

Answer 4

DUDE! there is a reason that it reversed. That baby was meant to be born!!

If you kill this baby - who knows!!! they could have been the one to cure cancers! wouldyou want that on your shoulders? the man that killed the person that would have cured cancer.... SHAME

Answer 5

Abortion is not the answer

Television http://www.abortiontv.com/

Life http://christiananswers.net/life/home.ht...

I know that atheists/agnostics are most probably pro choice but even if you don't believe in God please think of the child ? Of the human being ? Have a heart ... you have a soul ( even if you don't believe in that ) ... I know that you aren't a terrible human being and that even thought you don't believe in God he planted a moral law inside you and everybody else as well ... instead of thinking this of a curse ... think of it as a blessing ... the little brat may actually turn out not to be so bad

Answer 6

if u love her accept it, look on it as something that was meant to happen.if u try to force her to kill her child she will turn on u, and the marriage will be over with.your being a bit selfish here, your not the only one in this marriage, doesn't she have a say also?

Answer 7

I'm sorry but there is no way you can convince her to have an abortion. I know that you did not intend on having children...but now it looks like your going to have one. Whether or not you believe in God and miracles is irrelevant. You are quite possibly going to be a dad and there is nothing you can do about it. You said that, " suppose if she wanted to keep it and leave that would be ok, i just would want nothing to do with it or her if that is the way it went. And i certainly would not support it in anyway." Hate to be the bearer of bad news...but you would HAVE to support it because I'm going to bet that if you didn't she would take you to court and you would have to pay child support.

Just like a woman can still get pregnant even if she has her tubes tied...I guy can get someone pregnant even if he's had a vasectomy.

Welcome to fatherhood.

Answer 8

Get a DNA test when the child is born, if the child is yours, support the child to the best of your ability.  Either way your free to leave when ever you want, but the child support goes on for at least 18 years.  You could also sue the original doctor to off set some of the child support.

Answer 9

Legally you can not make her have an abortion. If she decides to have the child then you can't do anything to stop it.

I think you need to make a decision here. If you don't want a child and she wants to keep the baby, then you should divorce, because you wouldn't be happy and eventually the family would break up anyways.

As for the abortion I don't think it will be a quick fix. If she agrees, she'll probably resent you for the rest of your life and blame you for her never having a child. I think you are in a no win situation all around.

Answer 10

i understand how you feel but thats jus cruel women have desires it is there responsibility to bring children in to this world if you make her throw that away she will never see you the same you will be throwing part of her away be a man put your fears aside and stand your responsibilities if you really love her who knows you might even love that child more than her

Answer 11

So everything is about you, huh?  Forget your wife and what she feels about her baby that is, at this moment, growing inside of her body.  What about the effects that having an abortion could have on her, not just physically, buy emotionally as well.  She obviously wants this baby and knowing that she was forced to kill her own child-all because YOU don't really like kids.  Well TOUGH $#@!  .  Go ahead and use a suction tube to tear apart the body of your developing baby, or D&C where you can have it's little body cut and scraped from the uterus with a sharp spoonlike knife (which the nurses have to check the body parts afterwards to make sure they are all there), or maybe salt poisoning so he/she can breath in the poison solution for an hour or so and slowly die-leaving their outer body severly burned.

Your wife needs to keep her miracle-with or without you!

Answer 12

Is the only reason you don't want kids because you think you might be a bad dad. Trust me when I say the only way to be a bad dad is to not try or care at all. There are plenty of parenting courses out there if you are interested.

To her it's not just an abortion. To her it's a lot more that she would be giving up. Think about that before you talk. It's important that you talk to each other. NOT yell. See what the baby means to her and tell her what the baby means to you.

Answer 13

let her have the baby as soon as u see the child ur whole world will change its different when there yours it really is i have a 7 year old never wanted children but i would not give her up for anything. and i still dont like other peoples kids but i love mine  

Answer 14

She may decide to leave you before she gives up the baby.  Just accept it.  It happened and it was meant to be.  You may change your mind once you meet your own child.  Seriously!  Support your wife and give the baby a chance.  You have no idea how much you can love until you have a baby of your own.  Just think positive!  I really wasn't sure about babies until my own son was born.  Now I love babies.  Give it a chance!  Be good to your wife.  Stop being selfish.

Tell your wife that she's beautiful and that you love her and you will love this child and her with all your heart.  That will make her the happiest woman alive.

Answer 15

Don't be a jerk and accept it! That's life! Who's to say you won't change your mind when she starts getting excited about it or when the baby is actually born?

Answer 16

What makes you so special to decide who lives and who dies?

Answer 17

just put it up for adoption!  

Answer 18

Grow up!! You are the one that should have been aborted. If you were a real man you would stand right next to your wife. I am a man and if I ever got a woman pregos I would stand beside her and support her. You know you can alway deep throat a bullet, then her and the baby will have something!!!

Answer 19

For a guy who sounds very practical and who seems to think things through, wow. You should have read the fine print on that vasectomy. No matter what your belief system, if you believe in love you better be ready to hear and understand her side of the argument. It's the fun thing about marriage. The unexpected happens and the person you love doesn't always react the way you'd like. Go ahead and convince her that you'd be a terrible father and she can make her decision based on that. You can't force her to have an abortion if she doesn't want to. You need to ask yourself if your views on parenting are worth losing a wife. It sounds like she's already made her choice. Good luck :)

Answer 20

What a total selfish jerk you are being.  You are asking her to kill a living person to be.  I hope she divorces your sorry a$$ and leaves you only with the clothes on your back if she is willing to be nice enough to do that.

Answer 21

You should either keep the child or give him or her up for adoption. How do you know that you might not truly love the child once he/she is born? Don't pressure your wife to do something that she is not comfortable with.  

Answer 22

I do not mean to sound like an a$$hole. But I think I know the solution. Grow up. Grow a pair of balls (literally? lol) and do what nature calls for. You are a male and this is one of the purposes of life. Have the kid and realize that it might not be so bad.  

Answer 23

I'm sorry to tell you this, but even if you convince her to abort, she'll never be the same.  She'll always wonder what could have been and imagine her lost child, and it could spell the end of your relationship.  Some part of her will blame you for the loss.  Sorry, but I truly believe this.