What should i do about by 12 year old?

Question

Recently i discovered my daughter setup a page on "Tagged" saying she was 14 and talking to 16 year old boys. I am shocked and upset. Most of the conversations were inapproperate. I thought we had a good relationship but i don't trust her know. How should I handle this? My husband is very upset and we want to move forward but how?

Answer 1

I think you need to calm down and think clearly before you take any stake of action. I don't think because your daughter is talking to boy only two years older then her, that it is necessary to take the computer away. Who are these boys? Are they boys that she knows in real-life whom she also talks to on the internet? Or are they boys that she's met on the internet? Is she doing anything that could be dangerous such as attempting to arrange meeting places? If she doesn't know them in real-life and she is giving out personal information, I suggest that you sit her down and have a nice talk. Your daughter most likely already knows the dangers of the internet, it's very common in the media right now.

I would make sure you have a talk with her, tell her you feel betrayed. The guilt will most likely be enough. Also, you seem to have a good relationship with your daughter. Is she otherwise trustworthy? Is she responsible and level-headed, good grades? Promiscuous? If she is otherwise responsible, she may know these people from school, and how inappropriate do these conversations go? Do the conversations sound like you daughter is participating in sexual acts? Many teenagers talk very sexual and inappropriately, but it's all for show.

Just keep a level-head, and hear your daughter out as well. Don't be to quick to jump to conclusions. Monitor her computer time for a bit, and then ease up. Tell her if you she does these things again, the computer is going out. I had a very similar experience with my daughter when she was twelve, and once we had a discussion with her and yelled a good bit, she took a hint. We took the computer a way for a bit and grounded her, and monitored a bit.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Get an internet filter and know what the heck your daughter is doing.  Also, go find some crack whores on the street corner and let her hang out with them for a day...

Answer 3

See the off button on the computer??

Turn it off and tell her no more.

Where were you when she was setting it all up? When she is on the computer watch HER!!

Answer 4

Here is a WAKE UP CALL FOR ALL PARENTS.

IF................IF your child has hit puberty that means they are attracted to the opposite s*x and they get horny.I am NOT trying to be vulgar or sarcastic,I just want you to REALIZE what is REALLY going on.

THIS is why they NEED to be supervised.

Now for youre question hon.Kids do NOT want boundaries some idiot dreamed that up.They only want them AFTER they realize those boundaries would have kept them from s******g up their lives, but before that what they WANT is NO boundaries AND NO CONSEQUENCES for dad choices.

First take the internet and cell phone from yuor daughter.If she has to have a cell phone it will be a trac phone with 10 minutes for emergencies which YOU will MONITOR the minutes each day.

No private phone line in her room,you can listen in on any calls she gets.ANYTIME she goes to a friends house, you make her call you when she gets there and talk tot he parents BEFORE she leaves so they will haveher call you.

If you do NOT do this NOW,then you will be grand parents before she is 16.You are up her butt 24-7 and know where she is and what she is doing.She has proven what she is capable of.

Answer 5

you could just be honest with your 12 year old and say that you don't think this is how she should be acting? by being honest you aren't going behind her back or breaking her privacy and at that age you want to have an open relationship. warn her about stalkers and all the weirdos out there. she may think this is completely harmless and not understand how unsafe it is. plus if she hasn't actually told you about it that probably means that she knows it is wrong. she could also just being doing the whole thing for fun but either way it's not right. just try talking with her

Answer 6

were you snooping and discovered the page? if so, and you confront her she'll never trust you again and slowly lose respect for you as well. since you grew up in a different time what you call inappropriate kids her age may not. I when through a phase of this around her age and eventually just got bored and stopped talkking to folks online. you could look up some real stories of kids who got into dangerous situations from their online lives maybe 2 or 3 thrown casually into conversation over a week. and placing her into some extra-curricular activities that take up alot of her time so she doesn't have time to go online.

Answer 7

Best thing is to be honest with her and tell her what you know and why it is inappropriate.  Tell her to remove or modify the information immediately.  That may not help, though, because it's easy for the kids to set up duplicate profiles - one for you to see and one that they do whatever they want with.  You could also contact the webmaster(s) for that site and try to have her profile removed.  I don't know "Tagged," but myspace will do it if parents report their children for being underage or posting inappropriate content. Again, that may not stop her from going back and doing it again using a different email address.  

This is a tough problem, but a common one. My daughter did the same thing, and it made me physically sick when I found out.   Lots of girls her age are doing this.  I don't think it can be stopped entirely, any more than our parents could stop us from going places we weren't supposed to go or doing things we weren't supposed to do.

Talk to her.  She will hear you on some level, and if she ever gets into trouble, she will know that you love her and will help her.  

Answer 8

All three of you (daughter,hubby, and you) need to sit down and have a serious talk about this. You need to let her know that what she was doing is unacceptable and that you and your husband won't tolerate it. You also need to find out the reasons behind her having conversations with these boys. Is she having problems at school and this is her outlet? Does she have low self esteem around boys? There could be a number of reasons, and you and your husband need to find them. I would then definitely limit her internet time, until she can prove to you again that she is trustworthy. There are way too many weirdos/freaks out there, which makes this even more of a serious situation. Please make sure that you have a conversation with her about this, and discipline her accordingly.

Answer 9

I've been twelve (pretty recently). I'm 15 now, but I remember. What you need to do is block all those sights (myspace, facebook, tagged, ect.) and ban her from the computer for long enough to teach her a lesson. Trust me, she'll be Ticked off for a long time, but you want to teach her a lesson so this doesn't happen again. Also, she might have gotten some of these scum-bags numbers, so take away the cellphone for a while.

Answer 10

Show her horror stories about meeting people online. Take the computer out of her room, don't let her on the computer without a parent right there with her, and inform her school that she needs strict supervision on their computers. Tell her that you will lift the punishment as soon as she earns your trust.  

Answer 11

No more computer till she turns 14.... She doesn't need it now anyway. Because she lied to you make her clean the bathroom or do the dishes every night for a week. Also you should put her in an extra school class like maths, dance, or something else she might enjoy so she can make friends her age.