What should i do about my children!?

Question

ok so I got married when I was 21 after I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. Kind of felt forced into it by family... she ended up committing suicide 3 months after my son was born... I dont really feel an attachment to my child...i dont know why maybe because i didnt get alone with the mother...total strangers interact better with my children than i do...what is wrong with me??

Answer 1

This is your child. I'm sorry for your loss but your child needs you more then anything right now. Talk to someone about this as soon as possible.

Answer 2

just you and your wife and son need to go on holiday  just the three of yous and spend some family time to giver as a family and u can bond more with ur son with no one else around

Answer 3

I think you may need to get some counseling! Your child/children? need you!

Answer 4

You should love your son.   By the way - women love single dads.

Answer 5

I'm very sorry. :(

But I think that it's very important that you try and get help. do you have a close family member that can help you?

and I understand perfectly well how you feel. you subconciously asossciate this child with very bad events, but in the end none of these events were the child's fault. But maybe, if you really can't bond with this child, (and believe me, I understand, I loathe children), then maybe you need to find it a more loving home? you may even be able to visit the child every now and then.

best of luck.

Answer 6

I think part of that is because you felt forced into marrying your wife, and another reason is that she committed suicide. Although you didn't get along with her, you probably feel awful that she committed suicide, and are pretty distant toward what you and her created. Remember, you are all that child has, and he or she loves you and depends on you. I know it's tough, but you need to try to remember that this child is not your wife. You may need some counseling after all you have been through, it will help you and your child.

Answer 7

Are you currently taking care of your son? Maybe the stress is getting to you. Please seek some family counseling and if you can't afford private, seek your local mental health center to see where you can go get some. It may be that with feeling "forced" into a marriage, the baby has some hard memories for you. Please, whatever you do, think of the baby first. There are options available, including open adoption processes. My sister is adopting a little girl, and she is keeping it open for the birth mother and grandparents to be as much a part of the girls life as they want to. Of course, my sister and her husband will be mommy and daddy. The birth mother and father will be "a good friend or aunt/uncle or some other type of relationship, but if they want to they can keep involved. This is a private adoption, not going through the state, and it seems better that way. The other side is staying with your son, but you must be able to love him and raise him being a good role model. And maybe you just need some help with that. Get the counseling first, before you  make a decision. Good luck!

Answer 8

First of all, I am sorry for your loss. I do however, commend your desire to be a good father. There is truly a shortage of them in the world. You will be fine. Mothers have an instinctive bond with the baby because it is part of our bodies for 9 months. Fathers have to develop this sometimes. Some mothers don't even have it, so don't beat yourself up too badly. Also, your lack of feeling may be directly caused by your grief. Traumatic experiences can sometimes cause a lack of feeling or emotional numbness. I have personally experienced this with my own child. Iwas very alarmed about it. As you are. Thankfully, it went away. Get therapy for your grief. You will be fine. This will pass, trust me. You do care, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question. Right?

Answer 9

am so sorry whats happened to you,but your son really needs a dad too,you will bond with him if you let him into your heart ,he s a part of you and he ll be hurting too!

Answer 10

This makes me sad. Maybe you need help. Are you alone raising them? Is there a family member that can help? Can you see a therapist, a priest, or someone? Just because you feel disconnected now, does not mean it will always be that way. Your kids are what you will leave behind in this world and you really should do your best to make this work.

  I don't have kids. I have not found a partner who will be there to support me and I refuse to do it alone. There is nothing that makes me sadder than the idea of never having raised a child. This is a reality for me and you are so fortunate to have children to raise.

Answer 11

Maybe you associate bad things with the child - a marriage you didn't want, a suicide, and all when you are still young. The child reminds you of all those bad things, and also represents a further loss of freedom due to future child care needs. Remember that the child isn't responsible for any of those things, its just a small human who needs you very much. If you really can't come to grips with it on your own, then seek help from a mental health professional, or consider options to find a home for the child - no child should grow up in a loveless home.

Answer 12

Thats harsh.Your relationship with your child's mother should not be affecting your relationship with your kid.Sons need their dads,period.Step up.This is your blood,the one to carry on your name,be proud and love him,care for him.The mom already abandoned him in a horrible way.Be the one who helps him grow into a good man ,not be the second one to leave him.

Answer 13

Nothing is wrong with you, sometimes bonding take awhile for the mother or the Father. I would suggest that you talk to a family member or someone that can help you understand how much your son really needs you. Please get someone soon, your son needs your love and guidance in life to start off right.

Answer 14

you didnt mention how old the child is. parenting is an instinct. some have it and some dont. in humans and animal kingdom if you get betweeen the mother and baby you can plan on dieing. but there are women that will abandon there baby. if you dont have the feeling to protect the child with your life, you are better to find someone who will and pay them to help raise it.. the child can feel that and react to it later in life. think with your brain and not your heart. good luck

Answer 15

Nothing is wrong with you.  Contrary to popular belief, it really doesnt come naturally.

Have you tried joining a support group for young parents?  Do you have any friends that are also young or single parents?  Be able to talk to someone who is in a simular situation may make you feel better and make things easier.

Answer 16

it is really important for your son to have a relasionship with you especially if his mother has passed away. i think that maybe you were or arent ready to be a parent. and your just not sure how to develop a bond. i think that you should deffinatley see a counseler and get this problem fixed!