What should i do about my dad?

Question

my dad left years ago.. he moved across the country and would call from time to time.. whenever he called we really couldn't talk about anything.. and sometimes i'd forget he existed. now i just graduated and i haven't talked to him in months. it makes me so angry to think of what he did. he wasnt a part of my life at all. and now i have trouble trusting men.. i constantly push them away.. even some really good guys, because i expect them all to leave me or s***w me over.. i don't know what to do.. i was thinking about confronting my dad about how he hurt me.. but that could make things worse.. please help me. i keep losing some good guys, and i'm afraid i'll be alone forever..

Answer 1

well, the only way to start moving on is to confront the problem. tell him, and maybe he'll start being there more. and check out the song "Because Of You" by kelly clarkson (it fits your situation)

Answer 2

You aren't going to be alone forever. I'm not saying go ahead and jump on the first guy you see him.

The reason why you push men away is a perfectly sane one. It might not be easy to let men back into your life, but you need to do it slowly. Be friends with a potential boyfriend first. You don't need to rush into anything. Take your time and get to know him. Once you do, you will be much more comfortable with him. I may take time, but you'll have to be patient.

Just remember that not every guy is like that. And you might find a handful of guys you try to date do leave you. Don't think too much of it. If they were willing to leave you, then there was no point.

Answer 3

You will get nothing by confronting your dad, nor will it make you trust men. Just becoz your dad deserted you doesn't mean others will necessarily do so.  What is required for you is to be emotionally strong, that even if you get ditched(god forbid!), you may be able to take that. remember, this is all a part of life and you should be prepared to face it all.  

Answer 4

hi. first of all, i'm sorry that these issues are just now starting to manifest. i feel like i can kind of relate. i just graduated, too, and the situation with my birth mother is pretty much identical.

you won't be alone forever. you are just having some issues that i know you will work through. you sound like a sweetheart. if someone decides to leave, it's not your fault. it's theirs. focus on the people in your life that have always been there.

if you feel like you need to confront your dad, do it. maybe you will finally get some closure and these trust issues will fade. good luck. <3

Answer 5

One technique I heard about is write your dad a really long detailed letter about how you feel and then burn it.

Sadly, any kind of real interaction with him is unlikely to give you the closure you are looking for.

Answer 6

i know exactly what you mean... my father wasent there for me either and it did interfer with some of my relashioships because it really does become hard to trust males because the first one that you are supposed to trust hurt you so why should we trust the next one.... well i actually did telol my dad about how much he hurt me and guess what it really dosent fix anything at all its all up to your feelings and emotions just follow your heart and its ok to get hurt because at the end of the day it just makes you stronger.

Answer 7

Hi... i'd like to say i had issues with my father, also... he was an abusive, mean person and left me mistrusting men in general, also.

I have always had trouble with relationships because of my father, and have been married twice... i'm not an unattractive person, never was... but i didn't know how to relate to others, had trust issues and barely even knew what i felt most of the time.

You might consider therapy for this issue.  I think that confronting your father might make matters worse; however, with the direction of a therapist you will be able to start working on your issues and get to the root of your relationship problems... and the wall you have up will come down, one brick at the time.

It's something to think about.  i hope you get some good answers here.

Answer 8

i'm that dad. it's a tough position for both of you but think of it this way; do you want to live your life or the past? whatever happened you have your whole life ahead of you. my daughter has ruined her life in her obsession with the past and the sad truth is she suffers more for it than i do. mine was a high school pregnancy thing so i did not abandon a family as an adult but she wants a father now that i can't be to her, that time came and went.