What should i do about my severe depression

Question

i am 16 years old and i have been suffering depression for years, along with anxiety. i have tryed killing myself many times, adviously they were all failures. i was in the hospital for a month last summer for my anxiety and also my depression, i also used to see a therapist weekly but it did no good so i stopped seeing her. i used to take medication for my depression but it would make my anxiety boost then they would switch me pills and my anxiety would get better and my depression would get worse. i have been thinking alot about suicide lately,yesterday i wrapped a cord around my neck and pulled both ends and now i have marks from the cord on my neck, and i was close to taking pills but i had a past incident that i took alot of pills and someone found me passed out on the side of the road and called an ambulance. i dont want to tell anyone cause i dont want them to think im crazy, i have a boyfriend of 4 months and i love him dearly and i wouldnt want to lose him over this. everytime i get the littlest bit upset i turn to killing myself, i must have atleast 10 different ways of doing it inside my head. i dont know what to do anymore, i think being an inpatient at the hospital might help because its only when im alone when i actually try to kill myself, and that way i wont be alone .

Answer 1

Hun, you need to get some serious help.  

For me writing it out and giving it to someone to read is better than talking to them.  I normally hide somewhere as they read it.  

If you OD'd I assume people do understand your desperation.  I hope your parents are willing to work with you.  There are some good programs--residential and inpatient for teens, maybe you can ask a social worker to help you find one.  At 16, most states if not all allow you to sign yourself into a mental hospital without your parents signature or permission.

Also, if you didn't like your first therapist try to find another one.  Sometimes its a hunt for the right fit.  Just please tell someone.  Its a relief to get it out and ask for help and get it in 3-D.  

Please be safe.