What should i do? my niece tortures my kids?

Question

my niece which is 13 hits, kicks, punches, pinches my children which are 9 and 7. They have to stay with my parents this weekend because i have to go out of town and they are crying because my niece will be there and they are afraid. my parents have told her to stop bullying them and she wont she tells my parents to shut up and when her mother (my sister) her about her behavior she simply says she acts awful i cant do anything with her. she constantly belittles my 9 year old by telling her she is weird and she doesnt act normal. I am very worried about this but if i say anything then my sister will act hurt and say i overreact, am i overreacting? I dont get involved with the kids disagreements but i dont allow my children to physical hurt anyone and i dont know what to do

Answer 1

so your sister thinks you're overreacting or that she just can't stop her daughter?

Stand your ground. These are your kids and they are afraid.

Answer 2

The 13 yr old is a brat who needs to be brought down a notch or two. Some strict discipline is needed. Talked to her parents. Is she an only child? She is abusing your children and you shouldn't stand for that by no means. If the grandparents can't handle the situation I would suggest getting someone else to watch your children while you are way if they have your niece at the same time. She could hurt them really bad. Don't worry about hurting your sister your concern should be her child hurting your kids. I do hope your children have more respect for you and their grandparents than the 13 year old does.

Answer 3

That isn't normal behavior.  Kids have spats, but to physically hurt a child that you tower over is evil and mean.  You are not over reacting and I would not want my child around a brat like that either.  I would let your parents and sister know that if that child cannot control her behavior, that your children will not be allowed to be around her.  Can you take your children with you or do you have other options for this weekend?  I don't think you would leave your children in the care of adults who treat them in this manner, leaving them in a home with another child that does this is not wise either.

Answer 4

I think you should tell your  sister how you feel and don't worry about hurting her feelings if it means protecting your kids, and sometimes it takes for someone to get their feelings hurt for them to realize they are in the wrong. And you might wanna tell her she needs to stop her daughter from doing what shes doing or someone else will, whether it's family or someone on the street. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Tough situation.. it sounds like you need to have a chat with this teenage girl's parents.  Can we say, bad parenting?

Answer 6

If you can find anyone else to keep your kids, or take them with you, I'd do that. It doesn't matter squat if your sister gets her feelings hurt...your children are more important that her getting upset that her brat isn't under control. Your kids shouldn't have to suffer because your sister has chosen to be an irresponsible parent...if she can't control her kid, she needs to put the little darling in a boot camp and straighten her butt out.

Your parents shouldn't tolerate the behavior either. I remember my grandparents were fairly tolerant and spoiled us, but ANY ill behavior on our part and we were punished. It wasn't a free ride at Ma Maw and Pa Paw's house.

Answer 7

Your neices behavior is not acceptable, and her mother should not allow it.  Your neice needs to have boundaries set.  If she can't be in the same room with her cousin's without hurting them, then she should have privalages taken away.  If she doesn't stop someone could get seriously hurt.  You're not overreacting at all.  If it was the other way around and it was your kids attacking hers I bet she'd feel totally different.  

Answer 8

You are their parent so this means you need to stand up for your children. Also, your parents needs to take a firmer hand with that child when she is in their home. You need to talk to your sister, in a loving way, and explain that you will not tolerate this behavior and if she says you are over reacting point out that she is minimizing the situation and she needs to think of someone besides herself.

You sister may very well be aware of it but not know how to handle the girl.

The best thing to do is to teach your children to defend themselves against this kind of behavior. Self defense classes and some things that will boost their self esteem. Also teach them compassion for their cousin...she probably has some issues that are not being addressed and this is causing her to act out.

I would also maybe try to develop a relationship with the girl and find out why she is being this way. I don't believe that people are mean just to be mean, there is usually something inside that it really bothering them. maybe if you can get her to trust you then she will open up and get some help or maybe just having someone listen to her is all she needs.

Remember the ones that need the love the most are the ones that don't seem to need it.  

Answer 9

You have to have a talk with your family. Everyone needs to come together to figure out what is making your niece so angry. She could be needing to have some boundaries set for her. Quite frankly, at this age she will put up a big struggle when someone tries to correct her issues. In any regards, she is showing behavior that is not acceptable from anyone.

Your parents are older and they are just accepting of her behavior because they are not wanting to deal with it. It isn't fair that your children have to suffer because no one wants to take responsibility of this child.

Explain to your parents that it isn't fair that your children will miss out on their time with them due to their allowing them to be abused verbally and physically by the older grandchild and that you have had to look at someone else watching them because of this.

In the end the situation needs to be resolved with the whole family and you all should be in agreement with the solution of this problem.

I hope you find a friend where your kids can stay for a while instead of the grandparents until you all get things sorted out.

Remember abuse is still abuse whether it comes from a parent, or another child.  Make your sister aware of this, she needs a reality check on handling her daughter. And if you continue to allow it then you have just become a partner in the abuse.

Good luck

Good luck

Answer 10

If I were you, I'd rather spend money for a babysitter

instead of leaving your children and letting them be

abused by your niece. When you get back, you have

all the time in the world to work things out. Tell their

mother (your sister) that it's not okay for her kids to

do that to your own, and because their 'weird' is not

a good reason.  

Answer 11

It would be better to leave your kids with another relative or a trusted friend if your parents can't control that brat!

Answer 12

Next time your sisters daughter does that, call her over. Intimidate her and tell her off really roughly. Also give her a hard smack on the bottom. Let your anger rule you for a minute.

If your sister gets offended, then tell her very sharply (retain control of the situation!!!!!) that she is not tough enough with her daughter and whenever your niece is out of hand you are going to smack her if she does  not do it herself. Also tell your sister that if she doesnt want that to happen - to see to it that her daughter is never hurting your children or is never in the same house with them if it is unavoidable.

Let her get offended. When i was a child i was bullied by my grandparents terribly. I would cry at their table (i was the least favourite grandchild) and my mother didnt want to say anything. THe lousy sl*t .

STAND  UP  FOR   YOUR  KIDS

because they cant for themselves, you know that. If it is to the point that they are crying, then you better do something quick!