What should i do she is so young!

Question

my 14 year old daughter has told me she is pregnant 2 months! i am really worried and have no idea what to do, I have allways tried to keep her off the streets and teenage pregnancy has all ways really made me worry, but here comes the worst bit she has admitted to me that she only did had s*x with her boyfriend so she could get pregnant! she told him she was on the pill! what do i do, i want to help her, i dont know if i should be angry at her or i should try to help her as much as i can. what should i say or do?

...Please help...

a worried mother - GRANDMOTHER!?!?!?!?

Answer 1

you know, if this had been a mistake I would have said be there for her. but she did this on PURPOSE. that is the most stupid, selfish thing a CHILD (because she is a child) could do. to bring a baby into the world with nothing! no money, no spouse, no place of her own, no car... probably not even a job!!!! ridiculous. I say her butt gets in line at city hall to apply for a work permit. social life? thats over. its school, work, home. then she is giving the baby up to a couple who can actually care for it properly. and never let her out of your sight until you kick her out at age 18.  

Answer 2

just be there for her. tell her about every option available to her and the consquences for every option. dont be hard on her or nag  because she is only 14 and will most probably do exactly what you tell her not to. also ask your doc if there is a counsellor that she could talk to who is unbiased who will help her make the decision which is best for her. whatever she decideds be there for her but also let her know that although, you will be there for her, you will not be taking over. if she keeps the baby then she is a mother and thats the life she will have to lead. i got pregnat at 15. my mum was mad at first but she stood by me. i moved into my own place a couple of months before my son was born so although my family were there for me, i grew up quick and became a mother. my son is a happy, healthy 9 year old now. good luck.x*x

Answer 3

You should be helping her prepare for the baby as it's obviously what she wants.  Don't show your angry, you'll only push her away, you need to know that she's safe and make sure her pregnancy goes ok.

At least when your a grandmother you get all the fun bits.

Good luck

Maj

Answer 4

V P (above) - it is not the child that she wanted out of this pregnancy - it's the care, love, affection and devotion that she wanted from her boyfriend, who she felt,  was probably about to break up with her. She probably just didn't want to accept that he could be out of her life forever. At that age a lot of girls become infatuated with boys in their social circles and often cannot think rationally.

What she (and the baby) need now is all the support she can get from her mother. She will need her mother to help her become a mature independent woman who would be able to be a good parent to her child.

Worried Grandmother - I think you need to try and make the best out of a very difficult situation and hopefully all else will fall into place.

I wish you all the best, you have some tough times ahead.

Answer 5

Okay first thing is first I know it is going to be hard but you must calm down, I am sure she is nervous too. She will really need you now, and this will show her if you will really be there for her through good times and bad. I also think you should make it clear that what she did was wrong, however, that you are going to help her and be there for her. Have her get a job for a few months to start saving and make it her responsibility if she decides to have the baby.

Everything will be fine, no you weren't expecting it, and it is scary. It is a blessing in disguise.

Answer 6

well shes done it now! you need to sit down with her and have a good honest talk!

shes now going to be an adult and she has to take responsibility for her actions now!  don't get angry with her but Id definitely tell her your disappointed and upset she has done this and basically ruined her life!

Don't molly coddle her but support her make her know this was her choice and that she is now going to have to grow up big time and act mature to look after a baby!

do you know anyone who has a small baby that she can look after for a day, with you there supervising of course, so she can see how difficult its going to be!.  

Answer 7

I think you need to get to the root of why she purposely got pregnant at 14. Have her speak with someone about this who can also help her sort out her feelings, concerns and options with pregnancy.  Don't force any of the options (such as adoption or even an open adoption) on her but rather discuss them with her.  Good luck.

Answer 8

dont be angry with her. It will just push her away. It can only be a bad situation if u let it be bad. You need to be there and support your daughter. Sit down and talk to her and asks how she expects to bring up a baby with no money, what she wants to do with her education and tell her how the child will always need to be put 1st because they are 24/7 work, u can't give them away when you get bored.

I'm 16 and I would love to have a child but there are only 2 reasons why I dont- because I'm not financially stable and I am going to college, so if I have a baby, I may be able to go back to college after, but I dont want to dump the baby onto my parents and how would I afford childcare??!

Please dont get angry or annoyed with her because even though she wanted to get pregnant she will still have worries, just be there for her and support her.

She can still be a great mum no matter what her age is, she might just need to be helped along. I'm sure when the baby arrives you will be the proudest mother and grandmother so just because u can't see the baby yet please be proud.

good luck!!!

Answer 9

Hi,

I think you need to sit down & calmly (I know that might be difficult !) have a chat to your daughter & maybe her boyfriend as well.  Obviously he has obligations, whether she told him she was on the pill or not, he obviously took her word for it & didn't use precautions himself although this could now cause a bit of a 'trust' barrier between them.

14 is so young to become a Mum, but I'm sure she will manage with your love & support & believe me she will need it - dispite what she might think at the moment !  Once that baby arrives, she will cpome down to earth with a mighty big bump !!

There are a lot of things to take into account - Where will they live ?  How will they finish school ?  Where will they work ?  Where they will live is the biggest one .. ask you daughter these questions as I'm sure if she planned to get pregnant, she has everything else planned too !!

Answer 10

The best thing you can do is to be there for her in every way possible and love her even more. There's no sense in getting mad and upset, that will affect her as well. And she doesn't need the stress.  Tell her that you will help her in any way you can, but she will be raising her baby and her days of fun are no longer going to be there. But that doesn't mean you can't watch the baby one night while she goes out.  It'll be tough. And as for kicking her out, no way. Parents are suppossed to be there for there kids no mater what. My sister was 14 when she had her first, finished school and now has 3 beautiful little girls, I have 4 and our mom has been there since the beginning. It's a shock yes, but everything will workout. Just love her and support her. Good LUck and God Bless!!!

Answer 11

Give her support and help. take her to the family planning clinic to discuss her options. Talk to her about what she wants to do. Try not to be angry or judgemental. Good luck!

Answer 12

Your daughter made her bed now it is time for her to sleep in it.

She needs to take care of this baby and because she is so young you are going to have to help. Once the baby is born she should not be allowed to go out with her friends and have fun AT ALL. She needs to be the one taking care of this child no matter how much she hates it. When she is 18 she should be kicked out of the house immediately, she has made her bed now it is time for her to sleep in it and raise her child. If she were not so young I would say kick her out now and let her get a taste of what raising a child without any education or job will do.  

Answer 13

dont get angry with her because thats when you will push her away and she wont listen to you at all, you might feel angry at her but try not to show it, sit her down and talk to her, ring your doctor and explain the situation, he will put you in contact with someone that can sit down and talk to you and your daughter about it all and try and sort something out

hope everything, goes ok,  

Answer 14

just be there for her i know its hard for you to take in but your daughter is still a child herself and she will need all the support you can give her good luck

Answer 15

Just be there for her.  We all make mistakes, but only the brave face them.

Answer 16

Abort It.

Kids Can Be So Stubborn So They Say 'Oh Im Going To Take Care Of It By Myself'.

Those Parents are The One Thinking Of Prostitution, Living In Garbage Houses And Die Early.

The Kid Follows And This Will Carry On For Centruies.

She May Hate You But At Least She Can Get Her Education Sorted And Her Life On Track.

Please Abort It And Dont Be Angry At Her.

It Will Just Make Things Worse

Answer 17

So she actually wanted to get pregnant??

I think you need to talk to her and explain how much this is going to change her life, and if she still wants the baby then all you can do is help her.

Answer 18

i would be be so mad... im sorry but your daughter is ruining her life.. if i were you i would make her take care of it since shes so grown to have one .. let her take care of it... i have a feeling you might be one of those parents who thinks they are helping by keeping the baby all the time... im sorry but if i were you.. she wouldnt be around today..

Answer 19

first,wow..thats young!!!!!!im 21 and haven't even..never mind...i truly understand your feelings... sorry to hear about that....it must feel awful and hurtful and disappointing to know that your kid at 14 is pregnant..i hope you won't blame yourself,thinking that  u are a less parent because i dont think u are not.u had said that u had done ur best to keep her off the streets.but teens nowadays are getting more exploring in their sexuality in an early age..i hope you won't have an abortion...(her)..try to give her all the support she needs.maybe that baby will be a way of your kid to see how difficult it is to live life and have a new life with her in her very early age..i really wish and hope that u and ur family can come up with something...Goodluck

Answer 20

Have you had ongoing s*x talks with her?   A lot of times parents do this too late or don't do it as often as they should and next thing they know they find out they're child is pregnant.  

It's really not fair for you to be angry since you lost communication with her and she became SO out of touch with reality.

All you can do is be there for her and support her in her decision.

Good luck.

Answer 21

hey I'm 17 and 30weeks pregnant (i no that doesn't help) and my baby wasn't planed my family went mad and told me things that i should do but i did the opposite i kept the baby and now expecting a girl u need to tell ur daughter u will b there for her no matter wot and tell her its going to be hard its hard for me and I'm 17. gd luck x

Answer 22

I would be there for her but also make it clear that she chose to get pregnant...therefore she is the Mom, not you!  Make sure she is the one taking care of that baby (although she may not be able to do it financially but she can still get a part-time job after school).

Answer 23

I know you are looking for support, but you already know what you are going to have to do. At 14 your daughter is not capable of handling the situation she has gotten herself into. So of course its going to be up to you to step in and take control of things. Whatever you decide, to keep the child or go the route of adoption its going to be on you to get her through this. And yes you have the right to be angry, disappointed, scared and everything else. Shame on your daughter for being so selfish and not thinking of you or this poor little baby. You will get through this because you don't have any other choice. Good Luck.

Answer 24

gosh...cant even imagine what u must be going through...i dread this day with my two girls! i was 17 when i had my 1st and it came as a complete shock to me. but my mum and dad were fab about it. i guess the only thing u can do is explain in detail what she is going to go thro, and no doubt u will be at home looking after it while she continues her studies, so i suppose u cud tell her that having a baby will be no good to her at the moment as she will have to return to school, but the desision is entriely urs on how u go about it and i can  say the anger is not the best way to go about it, it will not resolve anything, so the only thing i can suggest is try and shock her into how much a baby will chang her life...and urs for that matter, and wat about the dad is he going to stick around? at that young age i really dont think so!

good luck with what happens xxxxx

Answer 25

Talk it through with her and let her know her options and If she does decide to keep the baby that you will support her. Trust me if you show her you are dead against the idea it will make her do it all the more.

Make sure she understands exactly what having a baby means and everything she will have to do and then let her make her mind up.

What does her boyfriend think abou it? Get them both together and have a good talk with them both, don't talk to them like children this will only push them into going ahead.

I can't say what she's done is particularly nice though only having s*x to get pregnant and telling her boyfriend she's on the pill.

It's nothing you've done it's just what most young people are like nowhere days. It could be worse.

Hope everything goes well and you and your daughter sort it out and the best happens

Answer 26

his is a big shock to take in, i know your first reaction was probably to shout and ball.

This won't work the worst thing you can say is you're disappointed. Let her know you are but also that you're there for her.

Atleast she has only slept with her boyfriend and she knows who the father is!

Clearly having this child is what she wants all you can do is support her. Don't try to lecture her on how difficult it is, believe me she'll know soon enough!  - i never said what reason she wants the child for! whatever her reasons are she wants the child. dont try to force her to make any decision se IS human although you think you know best this is something that will affect the rest of her life whichever route is taken.

Answer 27

Ekk I'm 14 also...my mom would kill me well she wouldent in till I had the baby because she would wanna hurt it lol but SHE WANTED TO GET PREGNANT?!!?! =O

Answer please super easy

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 28

My heart goes out to you, what a crazy situation, situations like these warrant the legality of abortion. The 14yr old two doors down has only just got his first girlfriend i feel guilty laughing at his situation now.

Whatever you choose to do i can only wish you luck this is a bad answer.

Answer 29

I am sorry to say that you should take her for a termination. She's not switched on to be a mum. It's hard work! You know that. Save her from it. Don't fret about the moral issue involved just do it.

Does she have rose coloured lenses on about babies? They're not babies for long. Maybe take her along to a friend's or neighbours' house who has a baby and ask if your daughter can get some hands-on experience.

The poor boy, he's been tricked. But, the pill is never enough. Act quick and get her to the clinic.  

Answer 30

I would be angry too! but at the same time i would try to do as much as i can to help her! I would sit her down and just try to explain what she has got herself into, and that baby is for life! If she still decides that she wants this baby... then all you can do is stick by her side and support her !!

good luck :-)

Hope this as helped!

xx

Answer 31

The best thing for you to do is be supportive. Since she wanted to get pregnant, you will not be able to convince her into any other options. It would be illegal to force her to adopt or abort. So, just be there for her when she needs you. Do not let her scrap her new responsibility. She still needs to take care of her kid and do the right things. But be there and support her, do not kick her out onto the streets only to let her become just another statistic.