What should i do when my son's father does stuff like this!?

Question

i am really irritated with my ex boyfriend. we have a 5 1/2 month old and he takes hardly any responsibility for him. i cant take him for child support because he has no job. he only sees his son 1-2 times a week, possibly 3 if i talk him into it if i have an appointment somewhere. he hardly buys him things, like i told him my son needed diapers and he said yes, but he never got them for me. and today i called him to ask if he could watch our son for a few this afternoon, i have a Dr appointment and he didnt want to he kept asking if other people could instead, i know he CAN because he has no job or responsibilities, he just doesnt want to. he was complaining because he has to watch him 2 days in a row now! i have an interview tomorrow. i am sooooo fed up i couldnt believe how childish he was. i dont want to keep him from my son but i really dont know how to handle this situation with him. this isnt the first time things like this have happened he pulls stuff like this with me alot. he will say he wants to see the baby on a certain day but never follows through. its always something! i know i cant change him but i dont know what to do when he does stuff like this i just want to yell at him. does anyone have advice i know i was half venting but i could use some input too. i am seriously sick of him doing this.

Answer 1

Quit asking. Quit calling. Quit forcing his responsibility on him. Go and ask for child support - you will need it and eventually he will realize he has  no choice but to get a job and support his child. You can't force someone to do what they should do. All you can do is hope they grow up someday.

Answer 2

My advice is to stop trying to work these things out one day at a time.  Get a custody agreement in writing & just stick to it.  When he doesn't have a choice in the matter, like you do most of the time, he'll do the same thing you did, figure out how to deal with taking care of the baby & how to rearrange his life to include his new responsibility as a parent.  Baby will weather that adjustment just like he did when you & he were adjusting to life together.  And, dad & baby will end up with a bond of their own, as dad discovers the joy that's there underneath all of the challenges.  

Do it now, while he's still a baby.  Settle into habits & routines, so that once he starts remembering his childhood, all of the mom/dad conflict will be gone & he can just concentrate on growing up & learning what he needs to know in life, from both of his parents (even if they don't communicate well together).  

Answer 3

Even if he don't have a job go after him for child support. They will make him pay back child support when he does get a job. It sounds like he is a worthless piece of c**p.

Answer 4

you don't know how many times a day I hear this from the girls I work with. I'm going to tell him the same thing I'm  going to tell you bring his *** to court he will have to get a job and set up some type of visitation. good luck.  

Answer 5

You probably don't like what I have to say, but you asked though.   Even if the guy don't work he still owes child support.   It will be back child support that they will take when he does get a job.   How did you have a child with someone who bare no responsibility?   Didn't you see it coming?   Just curious.  It happened so many times over in the industrial world, they don't think twice.  Now the child suffer because it's hard.   Sorry, it's the truth.  

Answer 6

the dude is a immature loser! Take his lazy *** to court they will make him get a job. POOR CHILD!!

Answer 7

just because he doesnt have a job does not mean you cannot go after him for child support. the judge will make him find a job or lock him up. he made the baby with you, the kid is his responsibility just as much as it is yours. all that being said, i wouldnt leave my baby with someone who didnt want to take car of it though. that how you get all the crazy shaken baby situations and what not. if i were you i would tell your "babydaddy" that if he doesnt want anything to do with his kid, then you want him to sign off on his parental rights. then you go get help from the state. and never look for help from this guy again. i think that would be better for your child in the long run then a father that just comes in and out of his life that obviously doent want anything to do with him.

just my opinion.

ps the best thing you can do is learn from this situation. dont bring anymore kids into the world until you know that the daddy is going to really always be around. the best way you can tell that is if you have a ring on your finger.

once again just my opinion

Answer 8

My personal oppinion is that if he doesn't want to watch the baby then I would not make him......also if he doesn't follow thru on "playdates" with his son, I would just ignore him.  REASON:  If you make him do something he does not want to do then what type of care is he giving your son in that time.  I don't know him so I am not saying that he is going to hurt him.....but will he really be giving him the care he needs at 51/2mon.  The skipping out on "playdates" situation....... your son will grow up to realize that his father doesn't always do what he says he is going to do.  The fighting between his parents will not help in any.  Also if his father tells you that he wants to set up a "playdate" don't tell your son (this is for when he is older) because then you will look like the bad guy telling him something that doesn't happen.  My advice is be there for your son whenever he needs you, he will understand later in life.  This is just my experince from my childhood, it's a hard place for you but even harder for your son.

Answer 9

Take his worthless butt for child support anyways.  The judge will order an amount and even if he doesn't get a job, that will be more and more money he will owe you.  Some states will only allow back support up thru the date you file.  So, later on down the road when he gets off his lazy butt and works, he will still owe you (and pay) the money for NOW.

Answer 10

First of all (and this is common sense to me), if he doesn't pay child support - he doesn't get to see his child!!!  Period.  Just because a man is a "sperm donor" doesn't mean he has automatic visitation.  That's not the way the game is played.  If he wants to be a father figure, he has to do it all the way or none at all.

Second - you can still take him to court for child support.  The court will get on him about getting a job, which let's face it, can be a good thing.  

If you don't start taking control and telling the father he can't see his child if he doesn't help you - you can only blame yourself.  Why is he going to get a job if you are letting him come in and out of this child's life at his convenience?

Answer 11

File for child support anyway.  At least then you have legal documentation that you attempted to get it.  I'm not sure how this deadbeat is supporting himself, but he needs to be supporting his child.  Go file for child support, on the off chance that the eventually gets a job.  

Why do you want this man to see your child if he has no interest and is not paying child support?  If he really cared he would be buying diapers and other necessities, and making an effort to see the child.

It seems you need to just file for child support and then wash your hands of this deadbeat.  All he's doing is stressing you out.