What should my step-daughter call me?

Question

She is 7yrs old and has called me by my name for 6 months, now I am pregnant with her brother/sister she wants to call me mammy, should I let her?

Answer 1

Where's her real mum? If she wants to call you mum regardless I would let her, she's obviously thought about it enough to ask you whether she can. She seems smart and wants to feel normal I suppose.

Answer 2

If "mammy" was a typo and you meant "mommy," that would be fine. I would discourage you from allowing your step-daughter to call your mammy. Before the Civil War and perhaps after it for a time, the term "mammy" was used to refer to a house slave that took care of plantation children, white children.

How about you and your spouse sitting down with your step-daughter and discussing it? You can take the opportunity to assure her that her place in the family is secure, now and after her new sibling arrives. You can ask her what her preference is and express your own. It may be that some kind of compromise is in order.

Ultimately the fact that she wishes to call you "mom" or some similar term like mama, mommy, etc., is an indication that she wants to establish the kind of intimacy that a mother and daughter share. I think that's very cool!

I wish you and your family much joy upon the birth of your baby.

Answer 3

I don't know really if it's a good idea. I have separated from my husband and we have 3 children, I think it would really annoying me if I heard my kids call my ex partner 'mummy', you don't want to cause any problems with her mother either. Just explain to her that you are her dad's partner, you love her a lot but she only has one mammy.  

Answer 4

if her mother is still alive than you should just nicely explain to her that she cannot call u mommy because it will affend her real mom. maybe u can think of a name for mom thats not "mom" maybe in a different language or a cute slangish way. if her mother passed away tan i think it is fine because now u are her true mommy. all girls need someone to be their mom. its very important. u can also talk to your husband. he could probably help.

good luck!!! congrats on ur baby

Answer 5

Let her call you what ever she wants. If she wants to call you mammy then shes getting comfortable with you in her life. She accepts you as her family, as her mammy. Be happy.

Answer 6

Mammy is fine! If she came up with it on her own, and there has been no pressure from you, there is no problem! I would be worried if she wanted to call you mom, but mammy is fine!

Answer 7

Well, if she comfortable enough to call you mommy and you don't mind her calling you that.  Then sure, I think that means she really loves you.

Answer 8

I don't know, its a tricky one. Its lovely that you're prepared to take her on like that,but if her mum is still around then you should speak to her about it, if not speak to her dad, if he's ok with it, then let her call you mammy, but its also you're responsibility to make sure she doesn't disregard her own mum, because as she gets older she could resent you for the distance between her and her own mum(or for letting her forget). lots of luck whatever happens.

Answer 9

Let her call you whatever she wants. You are a second mother to her and what a blessing for you to have a step-daughter who wants to call you mammy.

Answer 10

Never try to be the replacement of, or fill in, instead of....... the best way to handle this situation is to explain the circumstances to the child as best you can and to inform her that she is to discuss that option with her Mommy and Daddy. It should ultamately be thier decision,not yours. When your child comes into the world then you will make his or her decisions, along with his/her father.

Can I share a story? My children and I have a "pet name" they call me. It started off, they would have to call me a name that sticks out because we'd be at the store sometimes (or anywhere else) and when they'd call out "Mommy!" 20 different moms would turn around.

So my kiddos call me Georgous. So we can be anywhere, and they will yell "Georgous!" and of course I will turn around :) So my step-son started talking (turning 3 next month) And since at my home my kids call me either Mama or Georgous, I can't allow my step-son to call me Mama, (that would be disrespectful to the other parent) so he too calls me Georgous, and I LOVE IT!! Always look for the humor, especially when building new relationships. She doesn't have to call YOU Georgous, but you can be anyone she wants you to be :) Good Luck with your bab(ies)!!!!  

Answer 11

If YOU feel comfortable with the little girl calling you Mammy then unless there is any other reason why she should not call you Mammy let her, she obviously likes you enough she wants you for her Mammy. and how wonderful is that, so many children don't ever get to that stage with their new parent. You must be in england? Here in the states we say Mommy.

Answer 12

It's up to your family.  There is no right or wrong decision here, just what makes your family happy.  

It's sweet that she now thinks of you as her mother, not just her father's wife.  She's old enough to understand that you aren't her biological mother, but you can still be a mother to her in your heart.

Answer 13

Yeha you should let her.  You should also speak to her mother and make sure she doesn't mind or get upset by it.  Why don't you get her to call you Mammy Two or something!!

Answer 14

As long as sjhe ok and her BIo is ok with it why not. Or you can always go with a specail nickname,

Answer 15

Whatever she feels comfortable with not what you want.  

Answer 16

Yes but make sure that if she still has a relationship with her biological mother she can understand the difference. And if I was in your position I would be so proud.

Answer 17

Why not?  You should feel great that she thinks so highly of you.  You must be doing quite a bit right in caring for her.  

Congratulations on your new baby.

Answer 18

Let her call you what she is comfortable with, but don't let her call you this if her mum is still around, as this will infuriate her.

Answer 19

Why not? How does her own mother feel about this?

It's nice that she wants to call you that, it means she's kind of involved with the whole new baby coming along.  

Answer 20

Definitely! My neighbor has called her step-father "Dad" ever since he married her mother!  

Answer 21

you should be glad, i call my parents by their first names, i know it's disrespectful but i can't stop doing it

Answer 22

I would say if that's what she wants then yes.  Assuming it's something you're comfortable with.  Sometimes kids don't ever come around to calling a step parent mom or dad, it's a good thing.  :)

Answer 23

you should be pleased if she wants to, as you aren't trying to make her. She has obviously accepted you as a part of her true family you are lucky, my cousin was 13 when my uncle remarried after his wife's death and it took her a good few years to actually like her she would never consider calling her this, they are close now but she is now 26 and they are more friends than mother and daughter. Let her its her way of accepting you i would guess

Answer 24

My father married my step mother when I was 7!  I never knew my mother (she left when my brother and I were babies).  I remember very clearly the night she came to my bedroom (after we all moved in together), sat down on the edge of the bed and asked me what I would like to call her - she said I could call her mum or her name - whatever I wanted would be fine.  I said I wanted to call her mum - even at that young age, I felt so glad to have someone to call mum - for the first time.  My brother also called her mum.  We are all grown up now - we still call her mum - always will.  Let her call you mammy if she wants - it's an honour coming from such a young child.

Answer 25

let her call you what you what she wants as long as you are both comfortable with what she is calling you (some step-children will call them mum or dad but others sometimes have problems with it)

Answer 26

personally i think she should still use your christian name especially if she is comfortable with that,maybe as she gets older she might want to call you mum,but if she wants to call you mum and you are happy there's no problem.

Answer 27

i have a step dad and he wanted me to call him dad but i wouldn't as i am a daddy's little girl but my dad died 10 years ago and then i felt i would be betraying him if i called my step dad, dad

he has been my step dad for 16 years and only noe at the age of 27 have a wrote the word dad on his birthday card and it made his day. i look at him as a dad but i just could not say it its very strange to explain.

but in my opinion i think maybe you should talk it over with her reall mam see what she feels about it and overall let her call you mam as when she gets a bit older you might lose the chance and you will always be known as ...... (whatever your name is lol )

but if your not comfortable with her calling you mam you will have to sit down with her and explain it to her without making her feel rejected

i hope i helped x

Answer 28

I have one niece and two nephews(from different families). They always call thier mum, mum and thier stepmother by her first name. It has never caused any problems. I think if they were to call thier stepmother, mum, thier real mothers would have a huge issue with it. It must be difficult when the child is so young, but you would be better to tell her that you would rather be called by your name as she only has one real mum...

Answer 29

totally! if shes comfortable with it and you don't have a problem with it then it shouldn't be a problem :)

But if her mother is still around you might want to check that its ok with her, because she might feel you are trying to take her place.

The same with your partner, he may feel you are trying to replace her mother.

Obviously asking this question your are a lot more sensitive than that, good luck with the baby and with your step daughter

x

Answer 30

Speak with her father and her mother about it. Afterwards all 4 of you should have a talk together and see if there's a way she can call you something similar. Maybe she can call her biological mother mommy, and call you mommy(your first name) if your name is Jane for example she can call you Mommy Jane. Or the two of you( you and your step daughter) can come up with nicknames for each other. That don't include any variation of mom. If her biological mother is not present in her life, then you and her father can decide what's best. Congrats on expecting and on having such a good relationship with your step daughter!

Answer 31

yeah just let her call you whatever she wants whether is mammy, ur name, or noodle butt. names dont matter as long as shes happy