What should the rules be for 18 year old daughter living at home?

Question

Ok, I have asked 2 other questions about my daughter and making progress. She has narrowed her options to A and B. We had a long talk Saturday. A is graduate high school, move out with friend, work full time.Plan B is graduate high school, come and go as she pleases, meaning no asking the who what wheres. ok for her to stay out for days if she calls. get tattoos, drink but will not come home drunk will stay where ever she is. She still doesn't have a liscense or car, found out she is a smoker so will not smoke around the house. Remember we have a 15 year old son and 11 year old son on the right track. Please keep in mind also that all her friends are either drops outs, got kicked out of there homes etc... Do we help her obtain her plan A because plan B will not happen in my home? Thanks again!

Answer 1

I think the real question here is are you going to let her live off you and use you as a doormat, come and go as she pleases, etc...... There is a time to grow up and be a adult and it dosent sound like she wants to. Make her move out and see what it is really like to be "alone". She is taking advantage of you and your other children will see it and it will only be a matter of time that they start acting like that too or resenting you for putting all your attention on her and none on them.

Answer 2

My children are still young (12, 9 and 7), but here is what I've planned for the future.

I would prefer them to go to college.  If they are in college they can live here for as long as they are going to school.  After they are out of school they are to get a job and pay rent.  They can stay as long as they like so long as they have a job(s) and are paying rent and leading a productive life they may stay.  As soon as they become a burden on us or society they are out. Its harsh, but they know the rules.  They all talk of college and are very intelligent, so I'm sure we are on the right track.

Answer 3

She needs to follow the same rules she would follow if she were 17.

Your house, your rules.

She sounds like a total loser-- I'd kick her out and let her learn to be a grown up.  Your other kids will be influenced by her if she's around.

Plan A-- but don't help her. She's an adult.

Answer 4

my options were

-move out and i do as i please (pay for all my own)

-live with mom and go by whatever rules she sets

Answer 5

NO LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANT THIS IS AMERICA.

Answer 6

What you do is tell her flat out that when she graduates high school if she is not going to go to college then she has to get a job and support herself because you will not allow her to live under your roof free of charge and come and go as she pleases.  If she wants the freedom like an adult then she has to behave like an adult and that means moving out and supporting herself in which case she can do whatever she pleases.

Answer 7

If she wants to live in your house, she obeys your rules: period.  You have an obligation to protect the younger children.  It does not matter what your daughter's age is.

Either she follows your rules, or she finds another place to live and she supports herself.

Answer 8

The real bottom line is you make your own rules in your own home. Unless both plans are going to be geared toward a better future for your daughter, there should be no plan B. Come & go and gone for days as she pleases at AGE 18?!?! Why? Is she paying your mortgage? What exactly gives her the right to do that? I'm really sorry you're going through this very difficult time with your daughter and I pray that all goes well for her. You already know what you should do, so I'll just cosign for you. Help her obtain plan A because plan B will not happen in my home.

No doubt she will have an eye opening experience. Living on your own is not as easy as it looks as she is soon to find out. Let her have a roommate, work for a living and see how difficult it is living with other people and trying to make the rent, food, clothes, partying, etc. on a single person's fresh out of high school salary, which has the highest tax rate. If its doable, leave the door open for her to return home when she is ready. Never be condescending, but always loving. Good Luck! ...why does parenting have to be so hard? :-(

Answer 9

shes 18 and if she dont go by your rules then kick her out, u need to let her fall flat, thats what my parents did and now i have a place, and really good job..... let her make her choice dont force her. good luck  

Answer 10

my options were move out and get a job

move out and go to college (which is what i did)

move out and good luck with your life.

I would say send her to college to be with kids her own age. however i understand college is not for everyone and does not always work out. maybe get her a car and a job and have her save some money then go to college. even a junior college is better then no college. trust me later on she will regret not going. you have to have a degree to live in this world. i dont care what anyone says.

as for what she is allowed to do. im 20 and i am visiting for the summer. i still have to ask to go out and do things. i cant just walk out of the house and say see ya later. but as long as the folks no where i am they dont care what i am doing. i have one tattoo that the folks know about and they are fine with. i did wait till i was 19 to get it though. as for smoking and drinking i dont do either. that is just not cool with me.  

just dont be the kind of parent that says oh you are 18 have fun. kids get screwed up that way. i hate people that say im 18 see ya. my brother tried that with my parents and it deff did not work. they just laughed at him. he still lives at home so he follows their rules and so do i while i am visiting.

i hope i helped. remember you are the parent. not her. what you say goes.

Answer 11

Well, graduating high school seems like it's gonna happen either way. I think that her options should be move out and run her life as she sees fit, or stay in your house and abide by your rules - like if she's living at home, she should be either receiving further education, or contributing to household expenses (whether or not she has a job, but not if she's in school, cause it's expensive and leaves no time to work).

Answer 12

the same rules that would apply to a friend or other.  however the love for blood should continue to grow through actions. the best to you.

Answer 13

I would go with plan A. They are all your children, but you don't need a bad influence around the two younger children. They will follow her example. Maybe a little while in the real world with out your help will help her realize how hard life can be and then she will get a license and a car. Good luck and just make sure you keep open lines of communication with her when she moves out. If she feels she can talk to you she is less likely to get into trouble that she can't get out of.

Answer 14

"Live in my house...Live by my rules!"  She is 18 and drinking?  WOW!  Something is not right about that.  If you approve of it, then I guess it is ok.  Most people drink before they are legal to drink anyway!  I see that you are a good parent, and want the best for your child, but sometimes you just have to let go.  If she thinks she is grown, let her experience what being grown is like.  She doesn't understand how hard it is to make it in life.  She needs to learn responsibilty!  Her friends may be losers, but she has to live her life by her own means.  If she wants to do that, the best thing for her to do after she graduates is to move out.  Put your foot down and let her know that she is on her own when she does that.  Give her the option to come home if things get really bad, but also let her know that you guys will have to come to some agreements about what she can and can not do.  You do have to give her some space to experience life, but at the same time she needs to know who is boss.  If she is going to stay home, make her get a job and help out with bills.  She make think it is unfair, but hey life isn't fair!

I am 21.  I used to think my parents were so overprotective and mean.  If I knew then what I know now, I would have obeyed them, instead of rebelling.  Your daughter is just like any other normal teen!  She wants to be grown, but in your eyes she is still your baby!  Give her a little rope, but cut loose that rope if she wants to be disrespectful!  That is the only way she will learn!