What sort of accomplishments did you have before having your first baby?

Question

My husband and I feel ready to have a baby. The only thing is I have been hanging out with this girl that is a couple years younger than me. She is only 18, but she has two kids. One is 2, and the other is 10 months. She hasn't graduated high school yet, and feels so down on herself. She is super immature, and very insecure about herself. I used to feel really bad for her, and I would always try to help her out, but things sort of got out of control, and it was way too dramatic being close to her. So, we sort of got distant. Anyway, she still talks to me sometimes and feels like she is so un-accomplished, and everything. Now, lately I have been feeling like this too. I mean, Im half way through college, and its also an online program. So, finishing my last year at home with a baby might be a challenge, but I can definetely do it. I graduated high school two years early at 16 and went to college at the same time. But, after getting married I moved around because my husband is military. Anyway, we own a townhome and everything, and have a new car. But, how do you really know you have accomplished enough? I will be 22 and he will 25 when we plan on having a baby, and married for about 3 and a half years. We are also going on a nice cruise next year before a baby arrives. Is this enough?

Answer 1

None really. I mean I had finished high school and done the fancier subjects and did a useless course at tafe, but I was working in customer service and 20 years old with no idea what I wanted to do. I ended up with post natal depression from similar feelings, I felt like a loser, felt stupid that I hadn't gone to university. Funnily enough once I had my daughter we needed extra cash, I started a business from home over the internet and that is how I discovered that business is what I am really passionate about. Now I am 23, pregnant again and doing a business degree majoring in marketing. At the end I don't really mind if I have a career in it, I am mainly doing this for my self esteem and simply because I like it : ) In the future I will probably just have more businesses

Going on a cruise sounds nice, we have been together for 5 years and haven't been on a single holiday together, but I am waiting for my honeymoon for that, I figure it's the only time I will be lucky enough to have people willing to look after our two kids lol. Plus it isn't like you can't take holidays with kids, just wait til they are a bit older. You don't need to stop accomplishing when you have kids

Answer 2

Ask yourself that question. Are ready it's ok to wait until you get your degree, if your husband isn't all on your case about having a baby, then you do what's best for the both of you and even if you plan to have one it still may not happen for a while. Your husband is your best friend when it happens go with the flow. But enjoy those vacation time while it last.

Answer 3

I think it’s really good that you are thinking about this, but remember that your life doesn’t end when you have a baby – it’s just another chapter in it! You sound a lot more mature and grounded than your friend; you are planning ahead for your baby, giving your circumstances a lot of thought, you have a loving husband as well as your own house and car, and you sound very happy and settled.

Is there anything that you would like to do before you have a family?  If you have any dreams or ambitions that you’ve always wanted to fulfill that wouldn’t be possible with a child then now would be the time to re-evaluate them and talk them over with your husband.

Your friend sounds as though she didn’t get to think about any of her own plans before she had her first baby if she was so young, and perhaps that’s why she feels unaccomplished. Perhaps next time you chat, you could remind her that she’s still young, and even though she has two children she still has her whole life ahead of her and there is plenty of time to do the things she wanted to do when they’re a bit older. Depending on what her ambitions are, she might even be able to share her experiences with them!

The question you ask at the end of your post - how do you really know you have accomplished enough? That’s a tricky one to answer, because in all honesty I don’t think anyone can really say “I’ve accomplished everything I ever wanted to do now” – there are always things that remain ambitions, or dreams. The trick is to incorporate your life around them!

As long as you and your husband both want a baby, and you’ve talked it over together, I have no doubt that you will be wonderful parents and I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do.  

Answer 4

Sounds like you've accomplished plenty.  If you wait until you have accomplished everything, your list will just grow every year and you'll never have a baby.  22 is a good age to have a baby anyways.  When your kids are moving out, you'll still be young and have time to have fun with your husband again.  :)  You'd probably say I haven't accomplished much either, I feel that way sometimes.  But then I think about what I've been through in life.  I survived some horrible things I don't even wanna think about, I graduated high school with honors, married my high school sweetheart and best friend, have quite a few college credits, had my poetry published, jumped a plane to alaska just because I felt like it and lived there for a year(from texas!!), and now have 2 beautiful little girls(3 months and 22 months).  I'm sure you've got a huge list of things too if you just stop and think about it. :) I'm only 22 by the way...  You've done a lot.  Don't talk yourself out of having a baby.  If you want one, now's just as good a time as any.

Answer 5

I always thought I would want to be married and have a house of our own (well in the process of paying off anyway).  That's where I am at the moment and my husband and I have been trying for the last few months because we both thought we were ready now.  I just found out about 10 days ago that I was pregnant and all of a sudden now I'm thinking "Am I really ready for this?!?"  

Anyway, I think what I'm trying to say is, you can think about it as much as you want, but when the time (and the baby) comes, you will step up and you will be ready.

And just because you are having a baby doesn't mean you cannot do the other things that you want to do.  You are young and have the rest of your life ahead of you.  Maybe with a baby you won't be able to backpack around Europe, but there are other holidays that you can go on as a family, and Europe will still be there when the baby is 18 and off to college

Answer 6

when it feels right for you! there is no set life plan to achieve before a baby. I think if 22, 23 is right for you, then great. I know girls at 14 that had babies, I feel that a younger age is not productive in having a baby as you are still one yourself really below 18

Answer 7

travel. travel to as many places as you want, because once you have a child, it will be very hard to leave home without your baby.