What steps do I take when my dad wants back in my life?

Question

After 22 years of maybe only a total of 15 hours of being around my dad he all of a sudden pops up. He has not yet said he was wrong and he wants to make things right, but I feel he will eventually. What steps do I take with this situation? I have told him my thoughts about the things that happened, but I wasn't prepared for even speaking to him. It just all came out. What advise can you give in this situation?

Answer 1

Well you definetley should allow ur dad to be apart of ur life....a dad is very important....maybe you could let him back in...it may be hard at first...but ull get used to it...

Answer 2

Take it slow and be guarded. He may think that he is ready to be a part of your life now, but after seeing what a commitment it really is he may turn his back on you again.

My father abandoned me and my sister when I was 2 1/2 and she was a baby. Every time he has a heart attack, gets into a car accident, or has any sort of "near death" type experience he turns up to say how he wants to be back in our lives. This happens about every 7 to 10 years. He never apologizes for his behavior and if I being it up he just uses a few lame excuses and blows it off. He shows up to a major event, or goes out to lunch with us a few times, and then suddenly stops taking our calls again.

For me this is less of a problem because now when he shows up I just treat him with the same cool politeness that I would some distant cousin who happens to be in town for the week, and never attach too much importance to it. My sister, however, always thinks that this is the time that she will finally get her daddy back and always buys into it wholeheartedly. When he inevitably finds something more amusing to attend to and turns his back again she is always crushed.

So, be cool. Try to reconnect, but don't make a real emotional investment until you are absolutely sure that this is for real. It's taken a lifetime to move past his first abandonment of you, don't let him hurt you like that a second time.