What steps do you take when you suspect a child may be abused?

Question

This is a very sensitive question, please no trolls. A friend of mine is a single mother with a 3 year old. The child spends weekends with her father. recently the friends mother commented that she is displaying inappropriate sexual behavious (.eg. touched the postmans crotch) and complaining that her 'bottom' was sore. when she got back from the weekend she would start bedwetting and screaming at night. Once when she was a baby her private area was very inflamed but it could have just been from nappy rash.

They have been asking her in a number of ways if anything has happened and that she must not keep secrets etc but she has said nothing and seems to enjoy going to her dads.

She has taken her to the doctor saying she says her behind is sore but they did not examine her and just said watch for temperature. She is to scared to report the suspected abuse to social services or whatever because they may take the girl into foster care or something and that would be even more traumatising to her. obviously she can not just come out with such a serious accusation with just suspicions and not proof.

what can she do?

Answer 1

Tell her to stop wasting time worrying whether or not she's getting sexually abused! Tell her mother to get her to the police now! She may love her husband/boyfriend, but she loves her child too! She could much easily find a new man that treats her with respect, and is nice to the child or she could get a boyfriend that she spends the rest of her life with feeling unhappy with a funeral to go to. "A pinus and v****a, do do do doo...".

Answer 2

Worried about a child? Call the NSPCC Child Protection Helpline on 0808 800 5000.

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/

Answer 3

well if she suspects she is being sexually assaulted then she needs to contact child services,,, if not tell her to ask for supervised visits or ask her not to let him keep her for the night,,, this is a serious thing...  

Answer 4

You report it straight to social services.  They will only take the child into care if she is in danger - in which case it is the best thing for her.  She should not ask the child any questions to provoke an answer and take no pictures as you don't have the right.

You can report this annonymously.

Answer 5

Well, from reading this, it could go both ways.  It is very normal for a baby to be inquisitive and to have sore bottoms because their immune systems are still building up at that stage, however, something maybe happening, in which case something should be done, for the child's safety.  If the mother calls social services etc. her child won't be taken into foster care because there are TWO parents involved, and one of them has done nothing wrong.  

You could try asking the baby exactly what happens, and what her dad does with her.  The baby won't know what is going on at this age so you can push questions further than you would of say a child of 7 or 8.

If you are genuinely concerned, talk to someone like the NSPCC or a social worker in confidence, someone who can help you without anyone else having to know about it.

I hope everything works out for your friend.

*Angel*

Answer 6

Contact your local Council, social work children & Families dept, and report it to them, you can do this anonymously.  They will not remove the child from her mother, this would cause the child more grief, instead they will make their own investigations into the allegations regarding the father.

Personally im gobsmacked the child's mother is still allowing visits with the suspect.  If i had any notion that my children were suffering by any means, they wouldnt be back at that persons home, ever again.

You have to speak out for the little child, shes the innocent in all this.

If there is nothing going on then there is little to worry about, at least your conscience will be clear that youve did your best.

Answer 7

Anybody who suspects child abuse has a legal obligation to report it.

Having said that, I feel for all of you.  Please get this little girl some help.  If it turns out to have been nothing, then no harm done.  But if it is something and everybody sits around playing the "what if" game, there's no telling what kind of irreparable damage he could be doing to her.  Good luck and God bless.

Answer 8

From a parent that has a daughter sexually abused you need to get her looked at and contact social services straight away,

My 6 year old displayed the same symptoms and was abused by a 14 year old boy in april this year in the end she told her school but we kept asking if everything was ok and she kept saying yes,and god forbid now i allowed her to keep seeing this boy who was friends with my elder daughter as my daughter had said nothing and she never not wanted to go.

When i found out what this boy had done i was devastated and the most ironic thing is my daughter said she enjoyed it,

Please get some help ,and the child wont be in foster care unless deep down you think something has gone on but are ignoring it,

You have suspiscions do something about it ,if it comes out you knew about this and socail sevices find out you put the child at risk and you will loose the child .

Answer 9

follow richards advice call the nspcc, if your friend is worried then you MUST  do it, i have worked with many cases of abuse over the years and i guarantee that stopping any possible abuse is the most important thing, your friend should be worried about her childs wellbeing not whether she will lose her child.

  Good luck, be strong!

Answer 10

I agree that you or the mother should either phone the nspcc or maybe even childline. If this child is being abused she can't stop it herself so she needs some1 to step in and protect her. That should be her mother. If her mother is worried about the child being removed from her she should stop worrying about that because she is only putting her little girl first by getting help. Please do something today.  

Answer 11

Asking leading questions will likely get a response the child thinks is wanted, but it may not be the truth.  A three-year old does not have the knowledge or maturity to distinguish sexual behavior and some of the sign noted could be perfectly harmless.  If your friend does suspect abuse, she should report it.  The child would not be taken away from her, but the visits with dad might be monitored.  Foster care, which is unlikely would not be more traumatizing than sexual abuse.