What the heck is going on in his HEAD????I am so confused!!!!?

Question

Ok, I started dating this guy like 3 years ago and all was great in the beginning....well here in the past 6 months he has been so critical and mean, with his behavior progressively getting worse. As in I am 38 and he is 47 so we are way to old for his c**p..but here goes..he is constantly cutting me down in front of people and then tries to laugh it off like its a joke....always talking about other women and their bodys or b***s..I am just sick of it. He engages in conversation with men with me around other women and sexual things..just very disrespectful..well about 2 months ago without saying much, due to much isnt needed to be said when being treated in that manner....he basically told me I was not what he wanted...well to no avail I went into shock, shortness of breath, irregular heart beats and seeing black spots in my vision as well as my stomach became very nausating..ok, once I was able to compose myself in a human like manner I gathered my things to go home, we were not fighting but he made the last snide remark about me I am just sick of being his punching bag...he goes and tries to stop me, now mind you this is after I have found out about him being a member on single date sites, oh, yeah, explain that one would you...moving forward with all the past between us, I felt a little resolve the last time we were together.....so this time in us saying its over or "i quit" has not really been that bad, any case now that I have basically left and stuck to my guns and have not backed down he is all over my email, voice mail and goes without calling not an hour passes by...he wont stop...begging me to please call back, please pick up the phone....its rediculous, due to when I first left and then left him a long email regarding this is "for good" basically without going into detail....he didnt even call me or bother emailing me back for over a week, so to me he was glad that I was out of his life, obviously he didnt want me there that is what I got to thinking since he didnt even really try to stop me, nor did he even return the email...it was like he could careless.....so i took it he was happy, now his calls are pathetic....how he loves me and cant stand this...us apart....what give? HELP!!!! I am so d**n confused!

Answer 1

First - He is a child. So spank him next time you guys are doing it.

Second - Let me guess.. you were the doormat in the last couple of years and he was getting everything that he wanted from you. Happens in a relationhip where the age difference is around 9 years. Next time don't give him so much.

Third - flirt a bit with other guys, etc.. make him earn you

Fourth - Don't go back to him immediately, unless he is really a very big catch and losing him will be losing a lot.. make him beg..take him back slowly. a date a week at first.. then once a week doing it.. then twice a week..and so on..

Answer 2

Stay away from him and find yourself someone that doesn't have a mental disorder. Restraining orders help too.  

Answer 3

The part that stand out to me other than how is acts at times around his friends and you is the being on a dating site. If this is while you were together its a bad sign. I would say if you shouldn't even try to make it work unless that issue is fully addressed and you can trust him.

Answer 4

He gets off on making you feel bad. You might be sick of being his punching bag, but he obviously likes having one around. Because you are not that type of person you will never understand why he acts like that. He is just a sucky guy that makes himself feel better in some fashion by making someone else feel bad about themselves.

Stick to your guns - it never gets better - only worse. Plus if he is 47 he will never get it that it's not making anyone want to stick around. 38 is not old - you can make it. I am 36 - I would hate to start over - but it is more important to love yourself so you can love other people.  

Answer 5

You need to dump him, he doesn't treat you right.

Be treated like the lady that you know you are.

Be blessed, and let me know how it turns out

Answer 6

i forgot who said it but take it like this, a man doesn't know what he has, untill he has lost it. i would say give it another chance, he lost you and he now knows that he will never have someone like you again, tell him to calm down and after he does then try to get back together(if you want), and if he acts the same leave him, and if he continues to call you, call the cops thats all you can do. but like i said before, a man never knows what he has untill he has lost it, remember that, he might of been an a*****e but he thought he had you forever, then he thought you were nothing, and now he knows he needs you in his life.

Answer 7

i stopped reading half way through, if a partner of mine treated me with such disrespect, it would be over then and there......period, no matter how much time we had been together, without mutual respect.....then there is nothing....and that's all folks.

Answer 8

OK. Sounds like this guy is the type of guy who wants you around so he isn't alone. He isn't with you cos he wants to be, he cannot cope on his own. He probably thought you would never leave, and he was using you until he could find someone else. Be glad you left. Laugh at his lame e mails and calls to his face. I would after the way he treated you.  

Answer 9

Here is an opinion from a uninvolved third party:

You did the right thing and you should stick to your guns.  He is feeling guilty and to me that is why he is doing this.  I wouldn't budge either.  He is being disrespectful.

It doesn't sound as though you both communicated very well.  You implied that when  he was rude or disrespectful to you that you didn't say anything.

In order for a relationship to work, you must have open and honest communication even with the "not so good" things.

You could try to meet with him at a restaurant or a public place to be able to tell him how you honestly feel and how he made you feel.  If nothing else, this will help you get it all off your chest so to speak.

You can tell him what you expect in a relationship.  You must be honest about it, with anyone.

Be strong and be firm in your decisions.  Don't over think what you have said or done.  It honestly didn't sound like he was a good fit for you.  Best wishes to you and your decision.  At least you can let it out and then move on.