What the heck!what would u do?

Question

just found out my daughters & i are not covered by my husband's funeral policy, but his ex wife, who he divorced years before we met, is! he's not taking her off either, coz "she's not a responsible person & her family wont be able to afford to bury her if she passes on" i dont mean to sound insensitive, but she's working, he's still paying off a loan she made in his name & she's engaged to marry some1 else. i think this is so unfair. she parties a lot & then ships their daughter off to anyone who'll have her. she' so precious, but her mom hardly spends time with her. the ex drinks, smokes & has a good time & mind u, she sends their daughter to us with torn clothing, broken shoes. i buy new ones,but next wk she'll send old 1's again 7 then she tells me i'm the bad person

Answer 1

Since he has a child with her I can SOMEWHAT understand, but this does sound very strange.  I am not sure what I would do honestly.

Answer 2

That sucks but let me just ask...   If the mother dies would you want the daughter to be stuck with the bill...  I know that sounds crazy but she is the next of kin...

Answer 3

Once the ex remarries then surely he would want to swap you on to the funeral policy.  I would have real issues if this does not happen and I can understand why you are unhappy.

When you buy the daughter new clothes or shoes simply bin the old tattered ones so she can't send her back in them again.  You could even keep the new clothes you have bought her at your home so she has something nice to wear when with you.  The mother knows you will buy new things for her daughter that's why she is sending her in old things.  She knows how to play you.

Would it be possible for the daughter to come and live with you as it sounds like you really care about her?

Answer 4

Tell hubby if he doesn't get his **** straightened out, you're going to send him back to that ex.  

Answer 5

Maybe he just hasn't gotten around to putting you on there (?) At any rate, the best policy is to tell him how disappointed you are about the whole thing. Either that, or make an appointment and tell him you're going to set this up for yourself since he won't. Funerals are expensive for sure. He probably feels that if the ex were to die that he'd be stuck paying for the funeral anyway since they have a kid and he's just protecting himself and you too financially in case that day comes. Don't take that part personally- he is looking out for you guys in that regard. If there's no one else to take care of it and she dies, you guys could be out 7 or 8 grand easy. He doesn't want to be in that position and I think that's smart.  

Answer 6

Second marriages are hard enough to cope with along with other children, but the added baggage of the ex is simply not acceptable.  It sounds like your husband is carrying a lot of guilt around with him and the ex is using it to her advantage.  She is very clever and should be a little more mature about it all. How is the new husband to be coping with all of this?  They all sound absolutely mad and you certainly don't need your daughters living through this either.  I think that you really should sit down with your husband and voice your feelings otherwise you will end up the ex.  Good luck with this as I know that it is a very messy situation.  

Answer 7

I would be upset as well.  It is sometimes hard to talk to you people once they have their mind set up.  Why not come up with some real life situations to explain to you husband.  What would happen if something happened to both him and you, where would that leave his daughter?  She will have bonded with you, and she would want to know that you were taken care of too.  

Why not bring up the fact that you think it is very caring that he wants to make sure the mother of his daughter is taken care of (it is most likely for his daughters sake) however, maybe you could put money into an account that could be used to put towards her funeral costs if need be.  I'm sure she has some type of insurance on her already - and there is no need to have 2 policies its just a waste of $$ as most likely one will cancel the other out (only cover the same things).  

In the event he changes his mind, the money can then be used towards his daughters education.