I know no one here is able to diagnose anything, but i'm dumbfounded as to what to do with my mom. She just turned forty four two months ago, but she's always had weird behavior .She seems to have anger problems or something. She used to beat my brothers and I with a wooden spoon and even just do stupid things like scratch us and pinch us when we were little kids. It got to the point where she used to beat my brother when he was 11 or so, like punching and slamming is face against the car glove compartment. I very vaguely ever remember anything happening to me besides the pinching and scratching and smackng, it's probably repressed or something. My brother always fought back though, my dad was abusive to us aswell to her, but this is after they divorced. Did her bad habits just pick up from him? She'd be like speeding down the street in the car with myself and my brother in the backseat and my older brother in the front, she'd be beating the **** out of him while he, a nine year old kid, would just be fighting back. He wasn't the best behaved, but I can see why. Now that I'm bigger than her, she wouldn't dare touch any of us, she only did these things up until we got actually bigger than her (she's only 5'3). She's had the worst mood swings, she'd be screaming at me in the car while driving, she'd just drive recklessly, and then we'd pull up to the gas station she'd just snap into a different person and say sweetly to the workers: "I'll have five regular please." I'm completely dumbfounded now, she says she doesn't remember hitting me or my brothers, but she does admit to getting into scream fights with my brother. It even got up to the point that she'd even break windows. The police have been to my house countless times. Then for the past five years she's been in school, and missed out on alot. I pretty much just spent alot of birthdays alone and helped myself with my own homework and tucked myself into bed because she left the house at 6am to work, then came home at 5, then went right to school afterwards until late at night. She has alot of guilt about the entire situation with school, but she completely lost her mind if you ask me. She just graduated, and now she just works so she's at home more. I'd come down and talk to her, but she'd usually tell me "go away." or "leave me alone" . She had a defect in her eye, and one day she took me to paint, and apparently 3 days later, she went blind, so she blamed me, a little 5 year old kid for it. Even last year I was very depressed, I still am, now I have to put a smile on my face when I'm around her. she wanted to send me away because she couldn't deal with me being depressed.. Before she completed school, we were dirt broke. Finances of course stressed her out, I even got a job to help. (My dad's a musician, and my mom was an aspiring singer, and she did songwriting. I'm a singer myself, so I pretty much just did anything I could to help get some money. She never even really supported me with singing anyways, but whatever...) She's very depressed around the house, but whenever she's out with people she's the complete opposite. I can't even hold up a conversation with her. She just covers her face and mumbles "jesus ******* christ". One night my brother and I were having a normal conversation with her about the elections, etc. when she just said "I know you guys hate me". My older brother and I were saying how much we love her and she started crying, and screamed at us to leave he alone, and just got in the car and drove away for two hours. I even tell her "I love you mom" and she gets mad. Sometimes she tries to better things with me but it just never works. She gets upset when my brothers call her bipolar. She's a nurse now so there's really no convincing her she has any kind of mental disorder because she'll get pissed and then lecture you about the disease. I've never called her bipolar.. She says my dad is bipolar, and that pisses me off..But now he's some born-again christian. I'm absoutley lost. I hate her so much for everything she's put me through, but there's this sweet and funny other side of her that I never really get to see. Then she'll do something later to completely change what you just saw of her. I would never consider emancipation..I could never do that to her as much as I want to..I have no relatives to really go to..I'm just so ******* hurt..What does it sound like is wrong with her, besides depression?
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