What the h**l is wrong with me and my family????? I need SERIOUS advice!!!!!!

Question

I HATE my relationship with my dad!!

Ever since I was small, I didn’t see my dad much cuz he was always on business trips and everything but I didn’t really mind much cuz we always had a good time together(at least as I can remember.) I think as I got older he spoiled me a lot by buying all these stuff that I “liked” (like this pearl necklace I thought was the only so-so one in the store…the rest were all really ugly). I didn’t really mind then but now he likes my better than my brother and he is always on my side.

In many ways I hate my dad.

I’m really close to my mom and her side of the family, but he doesn’t treat them nicely. And he is even MORE mean to his own parents. But I cant really blame him since his dad doesn’t sound that good anyway. But as far as it seems, his mom really TRIES to please him and stuff. And he treats his brother-in-law HORRIBLY. He works for my dad and once my dad kept on yelling at him and my aunt said when my uncle went home he just lied on the bed staring at the ceiling and didn’t talk or move the whole night. And once we were gonna go on a road trip with a bunch of ppl planned by my uncle, and it was holidays and I didn’t feel like going and my dad didn’t even say how everyone else already packed and everything (they are some family friends and relatives) and he just cancelled it. And I didn’t even know until once my uncle was like, I’d really like to take you to ______, and we were going to that place last time but for some reason your father cancelled…. And I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

And how my dad always seems attracted to pretty girls. UGH!

My mother’s family is pretty rich and my dad’s side is poor.(I honestly don’t understand why my mother married him) which makes it even harder to understand why he is so rude and mean. We live off my mom’s money. My dad has his own company but he spends all his earned money on dinner with other work ppl.

Maybe I’m portraying my dad really bad, but I don’t want u guys to just agree that he’s horrible or something—remember: I need SERIOUS advice here!!

Its just that whenever I watch a movie and it shows someone with her/his supportive dad or when I see my friends’ dads, I feel really sad and empty inside, because I may never be like that with my dad.

And for some reason he favors me out of the family, and I used to just go with it, and when we(my family) would go out together my brother would usually walk with my mom and I walked with my dad not cuz I wanted to, but cuz I felt bad for him.

And until now I’m like, why should I keep on pretending?? So these few days I’ve been like,whatever to him.

But my dad really likes me and I really don’t know what to do…

Another embarrassing issue is I’m not really sure HOW he likes me,as a daughter or as a _____?

I mean,I’m really uncomfortable wearing tight clothes infront of him.

The whole reason I’m asking this question is cuz I

So what should I do? Ignore him forever even though he’s always trying to “bond” with me? Or keep on going like nothing’s up? Or should I talk to him about it?

I want to just talk to him about it,but I really don’t know what to say…its not like I can just say, can’t u be a better person? Or Why don’t u appreciate your wife enough? Or How can you be so unfair to my brother when his self esteem is already so low??

So please help me think of a way to have the talk.

Thank you guys so, so, soo x10000000000 much for taking the time to read this and hopefully answering this question.

Oh and a little more detail: I am almost 14 (less than a month away) and I’m Chinese so we don’t really have a really open father-daughter relationship…*sigh*

Answer 1

just bring it up. if you are his favorite then honestly he should listen. if his " dad doesn’t sound that good anyway" he could have some kind of issue becuase of his parents. and always try to be open and honest because it's actually healthier

Answer 2

Maybe you could ask him to take you to lunch or breakfast, just the 2 of you.  Then you can explain your concerns to him.  Or maybe you can suggest family counseling to him where you both go or the whole family goes.  No family is perfect.  All have issues.   Just hang in there.  It is only a few years until your 18 and then on your own.

For now talk to your mom and dad, or go to counseling with them where you can talk freely.

Answer 3

First off,

You are a young teenager relationships with your parents are extremely hard to have, you think they are wrong they think you are horrible its how most relationships are.

If your dads family was poor then he might not have a good idea how to save up money or how to invest it wisely its not his fault it is just how he was brought up also if his family was poor that usually means that his home life wasn't that pleasant, when people dont have money they tend to get a little mean or harsh and maybe that is why he asks rude, it all depends on how is home life as a child was.

You shouldn't ever try t pretend on something you dont agree with, it wont get you anywhere in life, and it can just make you more stressed and it could led to something bad.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable wearing tight clothes around your father, that just isn't right, You should really sit him down and talk to him about how you feel and if you are afraid to do that then maybe try talking to your mom about how you feel and then she can either sit down with you and talk to him or she can just talk to him herself just don't pretend anymore, it wont do any good,  Hope that everything works out okay and if you have anymore questions just let me know!! : )

Answer 4

When relationships in families don't work we say they are dysfunctional.  Things don't work very well for you do they?  I'm very sorry.  It's a very difficult thing you are being asked to do.  You are learning some very bad things while you are doing the best you can to survive.  You have every right to feel badly that you don't have a supportive family.  There are questions you need to answer and you are welcome to email me.  How you need to proceed depends on them.      

Answer 5

Okay sweetie, you asked so here it goes.  You must first consider your culture, and just what it means to be a female in the family regarding your culture.  Asian men are different in their homes just like any other culture, but again...consider this first.

Secondly, most importantly to me is the fact that you "don't feel comfortable wearing tight clothes around him".  Follow your instinct and stop wearing the tight clothes.  Have you had a boyfriend yet or expressed an interest in anyone?  How did he respond?

Thirdly, you CANNOT run your mothers marriage.  She knew him long before you did and she has watched the changes IF any, occur since she met him.  Even since she's married him!  So don't think your mother isn't aware of his behavior.  Again, consider your culture.  In old skool, your mother would have been taught to "suck it up".  Without saying it, she is probably expecting you to do the same.

There is no easy solution to ANY of this.  I don't see the point in speaking to your father.  If he is really as arrogant and ignorant as you portray him to be, how long or how far do you expect the conversation/confrontation to go?  I know this sounds harsh sweetie, but since you are only 14, the only thing you can do is "SUCK IT UP".

As for him "liking pretty girls", trust me your mom knows this also.  I hate to say this, but because of the way you depict your family, I would not in your position place myself in a position too often for it to be just "he and I".  Let your mom handle him, you...go to the mall or something.  I know this isn't the BEST advice, but considering your age, your options really ARE limited.  I'll keep you in my prayers, and feel free to em me if u want.  Its cool.

Answer 6

Every family has issues.  The teen years are usually the hardest time growing up because your vulnerable and dependent.  Once you get to be old enough to take care of and support yourself you can assert yourself more and leave when a situation is beyond what you want to deal with, but until then it will be tough, but hang in there it makes you stronger.  It sounds like your father has anger and resentment issues from your description and he's taking it out on who he can.  Perhaps he feels like his brother in law is taking advantage of having working for him and expects more out of him, it's hard to say if there is a past unresolved issue between them that you may not be aware of since you didn't mention anything.  Your fathers parents may also have hurt and disappointed him growing up which might also be the cause of so much unresolved anger and resentment issues toward them.  Be glad you do have some relationship with him though, I have no father relationship, I was abandoned by my biological and step-father and there are anger issues with my mother that I have which has bothered my brother and sister.  I'm sure there are so many other issues such as culturally different in how your father was raised and how your being raised, so it might be unfamilur for him how to proceed.  With all the complicated issues he is probably very frustrated and feels helpless and unsatisfied with how things are going.  I'm sure he wants the best for you and your family but also expects a lot from everyone including your brother.  Now I get the sense you think he might be sexually attracted to you, if that's true he is probably confused about how he should love you since he loves his wife a certain way and might be noticing you blossoming into the younger version your mother was at one time.  You just need to be sure that the boundaries of your relationship are not confused between the two of you so he doesn't get lost in the romance of him and his wifes past that he may wish to re-live.  I hope that doesn't confuse you.  With all his anger issues he is living in the past that he hasn't resolved and until he gets control of that he is lost to it.  Sometimes it takes some people a lifetime to get over their pasts and move on.  Now don't let that idea that he thinks that get into your head because he may not, I'm just trying to give you some possible insight of what could be going on to help you get through it.  Your "relationship" is what you define and negotiate between the two of you.  You set the boundaries you want with him and you should expect him to respect them, and you will have to assert that clearly with no confusion then you will have less problems.  You can't control any of the other relationships with the rest of the family and him so the best you can do is love him as a daughter would, support him when he is right and needs it, and point out to him in a respectful and honorable manner when you think he is wrong.  That's the best advice I can give you.  Good Luck.

Answer 7

i know this might sound hard but u rlly need to tell him clearly how u feel in a nice way, i mean ur dad is similar to mine, but my dad got better after i like totally yeld at him about what is up w/ him!!! if ur nervous u can ask ur bro to help u out, dont hold it off for long coz it can turn into a fight, but in my opinion ur dad sounds like a overgrown kid who needs to think straight, get his priorities right, n rlly think hard on how he can keep the family together n happy