What the h**l with all this verbal and mental abuse??

Question

my husband is always calling me names like dummy, r****d, moron and the list goes on. what i wanna know is how can someone love you as much as they say they do and yet call you all these names when there mad? i just don't get it! i think its childish of him to act this way. it does hurt me and i am so tired of it. btw, its at least once a week I get called a name by him. please help with any advise. thanx

Answer 1

Try this,,,,  first make some preparations,, find someone that you can go to and spend a few nights the next time your hubby acts like this, once you found a place to stay,,, The next time he starts calling you names,, sit down in a chair or someplace close to him and give him your total attention,, Don't say anything, don't argue with him, let him rant all he wants too,, if possible, keep a smile on your face,,, When he asks you what is up with you ,, Simply say,, Are you done??  Cause if you are,, I am too,,,, and without another word, no matter how he taunts you  just grab your bags and walk out the door... Leave him standing there  wondering just what you are up too... The key to this Is don't not argue with him and don't let him taunt you into an arguement...  Then after a cool down time call him and ask him if he is ready to go to counseling,, again if he starts argueing just hang up and let him cool down some more,, Keep the calls to him down to this one question and don't talk to him about anything until you hear him say Yes,,   This will take some strength on your part,, But I bet it will get his attention and let him know that you will not tolerate his abuse any more,,,  There is no need in trying to talk with him because he knows what he is doing to you and that one simple question, "Are you ready to go to counseling? " Is the best argument and the best answer to anything he might say to you...

    Good Luck

Answer 2

He doesn't care how he makes you feel.  You probably feel like you can't be yourself around him and watch everything you do.  You need to have a serious long talk with him about it and tell him your not going to keep putting up with it.  He should be able to stop too.  He's putting you down all the time and it's makes you feel bad about yourself.  Ask him if he would like you to do the same to him.  Make him think about it.  If he doesn't stop you might want to get away from him.  It will only get worse with time unless he decides to stop.

Answer 3

It is pretty simple to me he has no respect for you at all. If you continue on this road before long you will not only not have respect for yourself but will have no self esteem at all.

Answer 4

You are being abused!  Leave!

Answer 5

Divorce him, honey, you are too pretty to be married to such a creep!!!

Look at your self!! You are beautiful, and I know that there are tons of men who want to be your man.

This jerk you do not deserve!!!!

Answer 6

Be as mean to him as he is to you.  That should teach him.

Answer 7

Get out now TeeTee I put up with that for 10 years it does not get better, in fact it gets much worse.  get out get out get out....

Answer 8

He sounds immature. Why did you marry this guy? Tell him to quit calling you names or you are packing your bags and moving in with mama....

Answer 9

Have you told him how you felt?  If you have and he continues to do it, he is not respecting you as a person even if he is saying it jokingly.  It is a form of abuse and a means to control you and your self-esteem.  If he is willing, please get counseling before it escalates.

Answer 10

If he has the nerve to abuse you like that, he doesn't truly love you and doesn't deserve you. You really need to let someone know about this before he considers taking it a step further and physically harming you. If there's any way I can help, send me a message and I will do the best I can.

Stay Safe,

Andy

Answer 11

well, you chose him.. ppl say mean things when they are mad.. both of you should get help... and people tend to hurt the ones they love the most

Answer 12

Your husband has issues of control and probably lingering resentment towards his mother affecting his ability to maintain a healthy relationship with you.

I know this is the old party line...mom was mean so he takes it out on his wife, but parents are the first model relationships people have in life, and they affect us throughout our days.

Get into counseling, ideally together. If he won't go, go yourself and learn about becoming a self-sufficient woman with the ability to say enough is enough.

You deserve much, much better.

Answer 13

You are married to an immature moron who has no respect for you....He needs counseling...and if he refuses...leave his azz...You deserve better!

Answer 14

WOW, that is NOT normal! Divorce him and find a nice guy. Hope you don't have any children because he will talk like that to them!

Answer 15

He may not be that intelligent. Usually when "adults" lash out and call someone names it's because they're frustrated and can't think through things as an intelligent / better educated person would. You are correct when you suggest he's childish which is another way of describing his lack of growing up and being able to "work through things" as adults should - This is suppose to be the difference between being a child and growing into an adult.

To sum up - This is his issue and you may want to let him know he's embarrassing himself by displaying his mastery of a 6th grade vocabulary.

Also let him know that he was a coward to pretend he wasn't verbally abusive during the dating years in order to make a false impression and sell himself as someone he's not.

Good luck!

Answer 16

I hate to say this but you are probably really young and so is your husband.  It takes awhile to learn how to fight fair.  He is hurting badly so he wants you to hurt badly as well.  Get some marriage counseling and hopefully he will grow up some.