What think you all of my newest effort at poetry?

Question

Bionic Ebonics

By Semper Fi Reborn

I'm so fly that I drip style.

My diddy bop is lethal,

Like my profile, move slow child.

Cause it's easy to get a dirt nap.

When speaking greasy greasy,

Heat does clap.

These fools are in the industry of pap pap,

Like in the blink of an eye, like snap snap.

Some will read and understand,

Some won't have a clue.

That I dropped bionic style ebonics

Right on top of you.

Answer 1

Hmmm... I have read and I think I know what you are saying. Mind if I try? Here we go:

1, 2, 1, 2, but ah pardon my hood/Steppin through with a rep that's mos def no good

Seein Semper spit/it's sumthin I can get/so here's another hit/my eb-bon-nic

Style for the cats that whip the hot whips/trick the fly chicks/and stick dudes for bricks

Those on the corners with nicks/holdin a 4 fifth/all in an attempt to push a new 6

Thanks for the intro but like an antonym I'm out/next time you're in the hood give your boy a shout

Answer 2

I would echo TD's brilliant sentiment.  Bionic Ebonics, who'da thunk it?

Answer 3

Kidlet, go fetch mah shootin iron.  If he's acomin after me, Ahma gonna be ready.

Answer 4

Someday, when I am cool, I plan to write like this...hehehe... Brilliant!

Answer 5

For a boy from the hood you sure got good words....

OORAH!

Answer 6

Being a white boy from Chitown

you zinged right over me

No problem though, zinged before

Keep it up though and I'll be coming

bringing my Norski Ole and Lena!

lol

Answer 7

Had lots of arguments about Ebonics when I was teaching high school.  Fun to see it again.

Answer 8

I didn't like it because I didn't understand it.

It's very messy, very cluttered.

Answer 9

Well, I admit that I don't know if I understand it all, but it is fun to read.  :)

Answer 10

Ah, ebonics, I miss them very very much. I love the easy rhymes that you have which create the very vernacular rhythm, which I infer from your title is what you were trying to create. Of course, I could be completely wrong about this.

However, I do appreciate the poem, that the things we least expect are often right in front of us. Thanks for the reminder. I now watch the sky for the anvil sure to drop on me.

Answer 11

Oh my goodness: this reminds me of the fragmentary Greek poet Hipponax, and a line Catullus borrowed from him called the choliambic; I have wondered if this can be done in English-- putting spondees at the end of short lines.  It has the same wonderful spoken feel I would not have thought possible.  I shall have to try this at some point: actually I did once, but I could never coerce enough words into spondees as you have.  Lovely work.

Answer 12

Cool...I like it.

Answer 13

A smooth read, but I think I only got a part of the jest of the

message.