What think you of a 'gutter queen' poem?

Question

Pearl string gracing

Freckles' pale flesh...

Poseidon...rough

Fingerprints...

Grizzled King of

Blue, waved

Halls...conjuring

Live shells

For Queens' adornment...

A shopping cart old

Woman painfully bends

To the gutter...

Plucks one shiny

Orb, cleans it with

Sewer water gushes...

Pockets it. Gums a

Cracker. Limps on...

Night.

She sleeps,

One gnarled claw

On that pocket.

Dreams...

Answer 1

Very sad but truthful.  I helped out in a homeless shelter for 5 years,each person was so unique, but each seemed to want to hold on to some semblence of dignity, worth.  And they all had their "belongings."  Well said.

Answer 2

I find it a stern reminder of what some of us will do to survive with nothing to live for.

just the instinct of self preservation alone pushing her threw a miserable egsintce.

Death in the waves as well needs to adorn the Queen .

but in death their is life

hand and hand they walk together

I liked it

Answer 3

i can just picture in my mind, a frail, older lady living hand to mouth on the streets....people passing by, uncaring.......but she is a survivor!! maybe tomorrow will be a better day. sweet dreams, dear lady.

Answer 4

It is perfect just the way it stand. Very visual, many images.

Answer 5

An all too familiar scene.  I would not to presume to change of word, and I thank you for sharing it.

Answer 6

I love your variable stanza technique - I "got" this more than some of your others. The sea images, royalty/nobility,   civilisation, the dregs of humanity and dross of refuse, the cycle of life (drained into the gutter), values we place on things all meet up in one moment. This scores big with me.  Lots to read and consider within a small space.

Answer 7

Sad but very beautiful.

Answer 8

Textually, a very nice piece.  However, I think some of the line breaks are pretty odd.  They're clearly deliberate, but I don't think it adds anything to the work that way, and the effect is a bit pretentious. I would suggest something like this (just a suggestion, do with it as you will):

Pearl string

gracing freckles' pale flesh...

Poseidon...rough fingerprints...

Grizzled King of Blue-waved Halls...

conjuring live shells for Queens' adornment...

A shopping cart

Old woman painfully bends

To the gutter...

Plucks one shiny Orb,

Cleans it with sewer water gushes...

Pockets it.

Gums a Cracker. Limps on...

Night.

She sleeps,

One gnarled claw on that pocket.

Dreaming...

Answer 9

Ha ha ha ha.........

I met Gutter Chicks before.....

They all have gnarly claws....

dirty paws.....

A poultry farmer had a giant problem... chickens from his free ranging flock kept getting run over on the road that went past his farm. He called out the Highway patrol boys and even speed traps and tickets did not solve the problem... people just kept on driving fast and hitting chickens. The police even put up a sign that said "SLOW chicken crossing" but the farmer just kept losing chickens.  After a little thought the farmer made his own sign and never had another fatality. The farmer's sign said, "Nudist Colony ahead keep eyes on the road".

The wind blew so hard here the other day that one of our hens laid the same egg three times...

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."

Q: What do you call a greasy chicken?

A: A slick chick!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?

A: A cockerpoodledoo!

My work here is done.........for now.

He he he........

Answer 10

Did the old woman perchance find a fabled "pearl"? She has found the stuff of dreams - now hidden in her pocket - and no one else the wiser.  No one is aware that "this poor old woman" is holding on to the "stuff of gods". Appearances can be deceiving ♥

Answer 11

This sounds llike The Queen of Dumpsters....she used to be a p**n Queen but she got too old for the action.  They had to take her happy cakes away.  Now she begs for bottles, bread and cheese.  

Problem is there are getting to be so many they are all starting to look alike.  They all look like gutter snakes after awhile..

Good Morning ♥♥

Answer 12

This is the best poem I've seen so far today. It is filled with sophisticated technique. Very polished (with potable water this time).

Answer 13

Sad poem, lots of truth in it!

I liked the way you wrote it---- it's you and your style-----Cheers !!

Answer 14

well i love the poem just the way it is. the pauses give it suspense so i would definitely keep them. best ive read so far.

Answer 15

Must there always be at least one to rewrite it for you?

I like it the way it is.

Of course, it has no meter, no rhyme, and I'm just foolin.