What this rape? I'm not sure...?

Question

i had two glasses of wine at my friend's house and got completely drunk. I was sitting on the couch and he started touching and feeling on me. I tried to tell him to stop, but I couldn't all I could do was grunt "uh-uh." Then he half carried me into his room and put me on his bed. Long story short, I kept shaking my head and saying "uh-uh" and he had s*x with me anyway. It wasn't until he saw I was crying that he stopped.

Was that rape? He's a friend of mine, and we've had s*x a couple of times before. The thing is, I told him about a week ago that I didn't wanna go there with him anymore. And when I went over there last night I told him I wasn't trying to do anything... Was I raped, was it my fault? I feel like I should have known better or done more...

Answer 1

your fault you trick you had s*x with him before and all you said was uh-uh

Answer 2

Yes.

Answer 3

Stop blaming this poor woman! That man raped her! She has slept with him before...so? WHy must her sexual past be used against her? We're talking abt the present here. She was drunk and that b*****d raped her!

Answer 4

i think yes.

b/c u said you didnt want to

and he still did it

that's technically rape.

Answer 5

Since the two of you had previously been in a romantic setting you have to consider when you told this friend you know longer wished to continue having sexual relations how long was it after-wards before you went to his house and indulge in wine when you told him that you know longer wanted a intimate relationship did he take you serious did you really put your foot down I am not blaming you that is rape I'm just saying you left yourself vulnerable that's all I hope that you can work through this and forgive him

Answer 6

If you were both drinking, one can argue that you were both under diminished capacity. It depends a lot of circumstances. We don't know his view of what happened. But if you've had s*x with him before and you were in his house drinking, it's reasonable for him to expect you were there for s*x. I say it wasn't rape, just 2 drunk ex lovers miscommunicating.

Answer 7

Technically, even if the wife refuses to have s*x and husband uses force and have sexual intercourse with her, the husband is doing rape.

In you case, your friend has had s*x with you (1) when you are not in full consciousness (2) you expressed your unwillingness for s*x with him by some negative senseing sound "uh-uh" (3) you had specifically told him that you are not trying to do any thing (meaning having s*x with him). So if he is a sensible person, he should engage you with s*x. This is a good proof of rape.  

Answer 8

yes.

if you didn't want to have s*x with him and he made you, anyway, it would still count as rape.  

Answer 9

I'm still trying to figure out how 2 glasses of wine incapacitated you like that....  You mean to tell me you were SO drunk on two glasses of wine that you literally couldn't communicate the word NO?

Is it possible he drugged you?  You know, put something in the wine?

You should have reported this if you thought it was rape... they would have tested you for drugs.  Unless you were doing drugs knowingly at the time...?

I think it's more a case of bad judgment on your part and his part.

You said he stopped when he saw you were crying... apparently he didn't know you said No to begin with.

Hard to say this is rape or not... too many vague mixed messages and not enough information

Answer 10

yeah but you can forgive him he probably didn't know you where trying to say no plus you were both drunk

Answer 11

It probably was rape as there is adequate evidence per your description that you were impaired at the time of the event and were unaible to provide consent.  Additionally, there is evidence, per your description, that you've instructed the assailant that you wished to no longer continue sexual relations.

In most jurisdications, you'd have little trouble having the perpertrator charged with the crime of rape in most US jurisdictions.

Whether it was "your fault" is inconsequential to how the court addresses this matter in such an instance.  That would be beyond the purview of the legal system to help you decide.

Answer 12

Couldn't you have just said NO? I'm sorry but grunting usually implies that your having a good time. He stopped WITHOUT you telling him to when he saw your tears. I doubt he had any idea that you weren't into it.  

Answer 13

I think he took advantage of you but on the other hand, don't you know your drinking limit? Wine is powerful, but all you can say is uh-uh.  I would have been like h**l no, get off of me.  It is your fault because you drank more then you could handle so you deal with the consequences.  You are irresponsible.  If you drink and drive and hurt someone, you cannot blame it on anyone can you?  He didn't rape you but he took advantage of you.  Therefore, dump him he is not a friend but a scummy guy out for s*x. But don't go screaming rape when you acted stupid.  You can't go blaming other people on your own stupid actions.  Yeah, you should have laid off the alcohol.

Answer 14

hmmm... had s*x with you while you were "completely drunk" and kept going despite your condition and your protests. Sounds like rape to me.  

Answer 15

Yes it was rape but I doubt you could get anyone to prosecute him. You did not consent and he knew than but went ahead anyway.

I think the best you can do is avoid this person in the future and let your girl friends know so they can help keep you safe.

Answer 16

it is rape in a case. if it gets really bad, ask the police to put u in hiding.

Answer 17

yes, this is rape. It's a type of rape where it is somebody you know/ thinks it's a friend, etc. and it isn't your fault at all ;just don't drink too much and be careful all right? Some people could be dangerous... and when you think you know them...you don't... and he probably wanted you back or whatever, trying to get you back to him or something.

Answer 18

According to the "law" it was rape.

However, I don't think this is a case where you should destroy the man's life over it. Since you had s*x with him before and you didn't officially say "no" and back him off.

Its definitely rape, but not the type of rape that requires life in prison or getting your nuts chopped off IMO.