What to do, Wife started smoking again?

Question

The wife started smoking again after two years of quitting.She seems to be smoking more now than before and she reeks of smoke I can't stand to kiss her. She says it is stress of her job and everything else. She says she has also gained weight and when she was smoking she was fine. I also think her friend who is a smoker encouraged her to start again. I keep telling her that she is killing herself but she does not seemed to want to listen. Her aunt died two years ago because of smoking and it hit my wife pretty hard and she quit. She says she will quit again when she is ready. What does that mean when you she is dead. Anybody else have this problem.

Answer 1

I smoke myself.  Ask her to smoke outside, it will help blow the nasty smell away and cause her to smoke less (if like me she won't feel like going outside).  Talk to her about it.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you're going through that.  My husband is an on and off smoker and I can't stand it.  We talk about it often and I try not to nag.  You can't make them do it, they have to want to do it for themselves.  That's the thing that I don't understand, how can you love yourself, or me, and still smoke on a daily basis, knowing that it kills you.  When my husband starts working out and getting healthy, he stops smoking.  Try redirecting her to something else that'll make her stop smoking.  To the person who said that it's none of her fiance's business, if he knows what's good for him, he won't marry you.  Then maybe you'll be concerned.  It is his business because he has to live with you (and your dragon breath, and stinky clothes and hair, and fingertips) for the rest of his life.  Or the rest of your life, because if you haven't gotten the memo, smoking kills.  If he wants to have kids with you, he has to wonder if you're going to be able to quit when you're pregnant, and if you'll smoke around his kids.  So, you sarcastic one, with no wisdom, it is his business, and will be for as long as he stays with you.  Back to the guy who had the question, good luck with your wife.

Answer 3

Her smoking must not have bothered you before, if you were willing to marry her. Did you pressure her into quitting. Maybe that's why she started again. She wasn't ready then, and she's not ready now.

You must have loved her then, you can still love her. That means kissing her. You harassing her is only adding to her stress.

Just chill out, and let her smoke. It didn't bother you before she became the Mrs. Now let her continue to smoke as the Mrs.  

Answer 4

Do you overeat?  Look a naughty web sites occasionally?  Use foul language? No one is perfect. Get over the smoking.  Hounding her about it does nothing but make you look controlling.  I'm sure, if she quit for as long as she did, that she is already self-conscious about it.  Be her husband and be loving and supportive.  Do NOT be a jerk.

And stop being one of those people who use the "You're gonna die!" threat to smokers.  I'd love to walk into a Burger King and use that on all the obese people stuffing their faces with burgers too.

Answer 5

I smoke and it's none of my fiance's business. How's that answer your question?

Answer 6

Tell her you will kiss her again when she quits.  If the smell is a problem leave the room or spray air freshener when she comes in.  Maybe she will get the hint.  

Answer 7

First off, as a smoker I have never tried to get anyone to smoke.  Your wife is a big girl, she made that decision on her own.  Obviously she is smoking because of a reason...instead of nagging her about it, why don't you try to talk to her about what is going on.  If she is stressed, take her to a spa, go away for the weekend.  Don't add more problems to the situation

Answer 8

Make sure she smokes outside and stick your guns - you are right she smells awful and I woulnt kiss either until she showers - she needs to understand that those who do not smoke can smell that smoke and it stinks... You cant force her to quit - she has to want to do it for herself - but in the mean time it doesnt mean that you make it easy for her.. also cigaretts are expensive - so make sure she keeps on a budget to support her habit.

Answer 9

She will always be like that.  You cannot change a woman's habits.  I have been wanting to change a little bit of my wife, but she won't give in to change.  Sucks! Bummer! No marriage is fully 100% perfect!  Watch out!  You maybe heading for totally disaster!  I knew a female friend who smokes continously nonstop.  My best friend is going thru the same things as you with that female smoker and he left her for good because of this!  They were dating for 5 years as b/f g/f together. I have never heard of anyone divorcing their wife, because of the smoking problem. I know one female friend who is a wife of this particular guy, that she smokes pot everysingle day nonstop.  Now this is extremely far worse than smoking just regular cigarettes.