What to do...?I'm 16 and live in a family of nine children... ?

Question

I'm 16 and live in a family of nine children, of which I am the oldest. There's so much work and I don't know what to do. My dad works in the military, and when he gets home he usually stays on the couch all day watching tv. All of my siblings are boys, and one was born little over three weeks ago, none of which do chores or anything either. I go to school, come home, and do housework and bringing kids to the park all day until nightfall, when after everything is clean and everyone in bed (~10) I start my homework, and there is a LOT of homework, (Happen to be in a few AP classes) until about 2-3 am. During which I also take care of the newborn. My mom doesn't know, she actually thinks the baby is sleeping through the night. Then get up at six to get everyone else up. I'm so tired, and my grades are falling horribly, because although I do the homework I can't seem to focus enough to commit to memory, and if I sleep instead of doing homework I fail anyway because I do well on the tests but missing homework. My GPA as of last (currently senior) year was 2.3. My mom tells me that I should do my homework, but when I do she gets mad a lot easier and spends the day telling us hard her life is, but I feel kinda bad for thinking this, but I think that balancing this home work, along with schoolwork, and school is a lot harder, but I would never mention it. She'd probably get madder. She does do work and helps with cleaning, but she doesn't also have the stress of homework with that. There were so many things I wanted to do and finish this past summer, but I spent from dawn to dusk helping around the house. When I let up on housework she has angry fits and yells at us a lot more often, but she's our mom, I wan't her to be happy, but nothings ever enough. I don't have any friends at school, and don't have much in common to talk about, like tv shows, sports or video games. And I feel like I could cry at any moment, and glad I haven't; I like having all of my emotions in control or at least expressed ones in control. I allways thought as soon as I'm in college I'd be out, able to control my own life, but now I'm facing college with bad grades and no money to pay for it, so I might be stuck here. I just don't know what to do, any suggestions?

Thanks for reading this much, I know it was a lot.

Answer 1

There are always people around you who care. I agree with the poster that said that taking care of the kids are Mom's (& Dad's) job. Yes-you can help, however it's obviously taking a toll on you. Tell Mom that you are concerned with your grades and try to find a good balance with "helping" and preparing for your future. Talk with someone whom you trust. School counselor, clergy, etc. Your life is your responsibility! Good luck!

Answer 2

wow!! you have too much on your plate! you sound like a great kid doing the best you can but i think that your parents are in need of some counseling or something. Its just not fair at 16 to dump all of that responsibility on you. I wish i had some good advice for you . maybe you could talk to a guidance counselor at school, but you need to talk to someone that can in turn talk to your parents.and yes, i agree, family does come first,but don't forget...YOU are part of that family too! Please talk to an adult that you trust to help you through this. hang in there and i will pray that god will intervene for you.  

Answer 3

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your parents about this situation. You shouldn't have to babysit and clean to the extent that you cannot do your homework or get enough rest! And your mother needs to be aware of the emotional pressure she's putting you under as well.

Your father is quite happy to remain oblivious to this, but it's up to you to shake him up. It's time some of those young children in your family did a couple of jobs around the house - nothing heavy or complicated, just age-appropriate. And for goodness sake, your mother should be  on some kind of birth control. Nine children? Ridiculous.

Stop being such a doormat, girl. You'll only turn into your mother, a one-woman baby factory. Stand up for yourself. And stop being such a martyr, please ......  

Answer 4

Hi there. Have you talked to your school counselors and let them know what's going on? Does your school have a psychologist? Definitely talk with your teachers too if you think they will be understanding. (Don't talk about this with people you don't feel comfortable talking too) They might also be able to help you.

It sounds like you truly have your hands full. You're right, family should always be a priority, but guess what: you must put yourself before family.

I also want you to know that I sympathize with your situation. Being the eldest does not mean you are a housekeeper or a babysitter. I am sorry your parents have put you in this situation. I don't agree with it at all. I also hope the problem with the newborn not getting adequate sleep and not sleeping through the night is corrected immediately. Your parents need to know ASAP and if they are not taking care of this , this is child neglect.

Your GPA may be low, but you have your senior year to get it back up there. Also, because you've taken AP classes, universities will be more forgiving when they review your transcripts. You may not make it to a first, or even a second tier university, but often times they are not all they're cracked up to be. Also, you can find a community college or a state school, and take prerequisite classes, and get excellent grades, and attempt to transfer to a better school later on. Never, never, never make the mistake that your past determines your future. You will only become stuck if you let yourself become stuck. Don't succumb to the frog in the water mentality.

You should do your homework immediately after school. Homework is something that's directly benefiting you, so you need to prioritize that. You should also be able to devote a certain amount of time per day (like 30 minutes or an hour) working on something *you* like to do... Like learning the piano or playing a computer game or maybe watching some television.

Your next priority is then family... house chores, babysitting and taking your brothers to the park is all benefiting your family. You should try to figure out a plan to split chores up appropriately among your brothers. If they're not willing to listen, don't take them to the park. Set some rules if your parents will not. If your parents are coercing you to do these things, you should bring this up with someone you can trust (at school, church, or anything) immediately. This is a serious issue.

If you can't correct the problem, stay as strong as you can mentally, and weather the storm until you're 18. Then, you will have your entire life ahead of you, and you will know that your future success will have everything to do with your personal strengths and nothing to do the misery endured in your childhood.

Best Regards

Answer 5

You need to sit down and talk to your parent's about how the home situation is hurting your grades, and possibly your college career. If you do not think that you can talk to your parents alone  get an adult to talk to them with you like a teacher or a chaplin. Good luck

Answer 6

I come from a family of 7. Although I am the youngest I was always the responsible one so I got stuck with the stuff the oldest one should have been helping with. I would suggest talking to your Mom and explain to her about why your grades are failing. She needs to have your brothers help out. As for money for school look into the Pell grant and other grants. Ask your counselor about them. You will need to get these aps in soon though, I had horrible grades most of high school till my last two years. And I got the Grant with no problem.  Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

Tell them that if they wanted all of you, then they better expect to take care of all of you and that you are a teen, not a parent, yet you seem to be taking over the parenting that they are supposed to do. Tell your dad to get off his butt and be a father, not a couch potato. This is your warning not to have something you can't take care of.

Answer 8

blueangel

that drama you have its long behind me...i'm the oldest<man>have younger sister and brother.only 2 siblings.

basiclly i was the one who did all the work,the other 2 they just wouldnt do anythink-i tryed everything...nothing helped.

anyway..looking back...if i could turn back time...i wouldnt change anything..its me that felt responsible..so even though i wanted to go play ball,i stayed at home doing chores on our farm.

so in conclusion,i feel sorry now i spend so much time complaining and fighting-i didnt change a think.the only thing who can realy help you is your teachers...look.

parents with more than one kid will find the one who is responsible type and will give pressure to him-her.most of the time they are not aware of this but thats how it work.also they will rather fight with you than your siblings,becouse they will get what they want easier,everyone knows it is very easy to deal with responsable person.

also there is some crule truth;dont think in 15years time somebody will appriciate the work you have done.

so what you can do.i would advise..you are trained "horse" already so dont resist.you are between two grinding stones...family..school.to master situation;you know already you can not change a think at home.the only who will understand you is someone in the school,talk and esplain your situation to teachers,they will understand you-but in doing so be vise..so this stays between you and teachers.

that is the only think i would do if i could turn back time

as advice for future;happaly suffer until 18 and when chance to move out, grab it,and than take resposiblity of your life.

jdont be shy to ask for help.

Answer 9

Tell your parents that you are not the one who made the babies, they are, and they are responsible for them. Stop taking care of your brothers. Just stop it! They will have to do it themselves! Tell them you have to focus on your homework. It is really up to you to claim your rights in this life!

Answer 10

Wow, can you describe my teen life any better!!!???  I'm the second oldest of eight, and my mom, God bless her, was never, ever happy...and she still isn't.  I really think the hormones and the lack of my dad's support literally had her looney.  I always wondered why she had all of us...although I wouldn't have it any other way...when all she did was complain to us and at us, when the oldest two helped more than anything.  I remember one day my dad was yelling at us about cleaning up and I told him I was doing homework and he said dishes first, homework second.  But if I brought home a bad grade, they give me a two hour lecture about responsibility.  All I can say is that life will get better and you will appreciate sooooo much what you are doing when you get older.  College will be so easy for you because you will know how to balance things.  I know this probably seems impossible, but have a chit chat with mom (maybe you can include dad in there) and let her know how much you have to do.  If she's anything like my mom, you will have to hear the try having eight (or nine) kids story.  But keep your emotions in check.  Let her know that although you love your family and want to help out any way you can, some others need to pick up some of the responsibilty.   Those brothers can manage without some of what you do for them.  You might think that if you don't do some things, they won't get done, or they won't get done right..however, you have to be selfish sometimes.  Your future is important too.  Your parents made the decision to have such a large household, and it's their responsibility to make sure everyone picks up their fair share, including them!!!  Even if this doesn't help, just think, another year and you will be in college, missing all of them and all of what you are doing.   I'm so sorry you are feeling like c**p right now!  It will get better.  I'm almost thirty and I love having such a large family.  Sure, we all have our moments, but I don't have to live with them anymore!! lol Your relationship improves loads when you can have everyone over for a few hours, then kick them all out!!!!  lol Plus, I have two younger brothers, 17 and 13 and I get to give them advice on everything.   Keep your head up...things will get better.  And you will find finances for school.    You will not be stuck there.  Even if you get your own place and have to work two jobs to put yourself through school (that is what I did!), you will appreciate what you have so much more.  Hope I helped some!!!

Edit...Okay, I think Orla has no clue what you are going through and needs to keep her two cents, okay one cent, to herself.  You aren't a martyr so don't listen to that garbage.  It's healthy to get things off your chest and I think that is all you are doing.  It's hard for people who come from smaller families to understand what we go through.  A large family is a blessing, but it's rough at times, especially for the older siblings.  Tough it all out...things will def get better.   :)

Answer 11

Hi, i really for feel for you and i have some siblings of my own, and my dad is in the military plus my mum is stressed about it all quite a lot,. What i would suggest is that you make a reward for your younger siblings, and each week they rotate around, at the end of each week a small prize is given to each person or the person who did the most work (choc bars, etc.) As for school work, you should talk to your mum and ask if you can have have a ceratin amount of time each day  to do homework. Also going out to school gatherings etc. is a great way to socialize and make friends to hang out with on weekends and get out of the house to just have fun! (maybe a nightclub?)

I hope this helps !! :D

Answer 12

help your mom and don't do all works and consentrate on your studies

Answer 13

stop doing all the work.

that's your mother's job.

your job is to go to school and have fun being a teenager. after you graduate move out.