What to do? My four year old niece cries every time she has to take a nap and go to bed at night.

Question

I don't know what to do and I refuse to baby her. I don't know why she cries but there must be some type of solution out there.

Answer 1

Don't give in. Let her cry and soon she will learn that she isn't going to get her way.  Many times kids feel that they will "miss something" when they have to take a nap or go to bed.  Stand your ground, sleep is good. By the way, you know you've grown up when you WANT to sleep, lol.

Answer 2

First try simple things:

It helps to have a routine, have a set sleep schedule for bedtime and afternoon naps. Keep the same schedule during your weekends. Also use a 20-30 minute nightly "calm-down" pre-bedtime routine that can include taking a bath, changing diapers, putting on pajamas, reading, and other relaxing activities.

Try putting her to bed while she is drowsy, but still awake, with conditions that "she" can re-establish for herself if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Give her a special stuffed animal, toy or blanket. Try to incorporate this ‘transitional object' into the bedtime routine (for example, have her hold a blanket while you are reading to her before bed). Try not to allow yourself to become the ‘transitional object' with which she has learned to fall asleep.

If everything else has failed...

It may be necessary to let her "cry it out", which was extremely difficult for me as a father to do. Just remember that this is a "progressive approach" in which you allow her to "cry" for gradually longer periods of time 5-10-15 minutes before returning to her briefly. The "separation" and then "reassurance" is the key to success.

Here is a method developed by Dr. Richard Ferber.

The first night, after placing her in bed to fall asleep alone, you should leave the room and allow her to cry for about five minutes. If she is still crying after that time, you can return to her room to reassure her that you are still there. You can speak to her briefly and pat her back a few times, but avoid picking her up or rocking her. After two or three minutes you are to leave the room again (even if she is still crying).

If she continues to cry now for ten minutes, you can again return to her room briefly for reassurance, but be sure to leave after two or three minutes. If she is still crying after fifteen minutes you can return again, and the rest of the night wait for a maximum of fifteen minutes.

She will probably fall asleep during one of these fifteen minute periods. If she wakes up again during that first night, you can use the same method of letting her cry for five, ten, and then fifteen minutes.

Then each following night, you will increase the ‘First Wait' by five minutes. On the next night you will start off by waiting for ten minutes and increasing by five minute intervals each day to a maximum of thirty-five minutes.

Example: 1st Day 05 10 15, 2nd Day 10 15 20, 3rd Day 15 20 25, 4th Day 20 25 30, 5th Day 25 30 35.

It is important to realize that you are not hurting her by letting her cry and that this method is much easier on her than a "cold turkey" method.

The first few nights were very difficult for me, but she will eventually learn that it isn't worth crying for thirty-five minutes if the only reward is that you are coming in for a few minutes each time. She will then learn to fall asleep on her own, which is an important step in her development.

"Good Luck"

Answer 3

The solution is to comfort her but keep her in a routine. Talk to her about bedtime to see if there is a fear. If she is just not wanting to go to sleep then let her cry it out. Each time it will get a little better and eventually she will sleep on her own.