What to do? Turns out we're not friends...?

Question

Okay so this is bugging me pretty bad right now...and I understand that something this insignificant probably shouldn't be on my mind so much...but here goes.

I was hanging out with a co-worker today who I thought I got on pretty well with, enough to call a friend...until we were somehow discussing the topic and they stopped and said '...You think we're friends?'. That was a conversation stopper. I didn't know how to react, so I simply ended up leaving.

I can't understand how I could have misinterpreted the situation so badly. What would you do from this point on? I have to work with them and see them continuously for the next 3 days and I really have no idea how to proceed from here on out.

I tried to joke about it but really it kind of hurt.

Where to from here?

Answer 1

That comment can leave you floundering, for sure....where does the conversation go from there?

I would answer "Yes...I thought we were."  That was your sentiment,  what was real for you.

I could go into things like how well do you know this co-worker, could (s)he be joking?...but I would guess you've already run that one through.

The deal is that we each have our own idea of what the word 'friend' means.  In the same way that a bowl of Ramen noodles might be a meal to one person, but not another.  I consider a person a friend if I like him, can remember his name, maybe enjoy spending a litlle time with him.  Not everyone is a 'best' friend, I wouldn't want it that way.  Maybe I use the term 'friend' a little too easily.  Friendship develops over time, but that doesn't negate that a friend can and often is someone you are just getting to know.

Continue to be yourself around this co-worker (which means treating him as a friend, albeit a distant one), knowing that his definition of friendship is different from yours.  His comment is a reflection of him, not of you.  

Answer 2

Just move on. make friend on her/him again and apologize what you've done....

If it doesn't still work just look another friend

Remember: somebody you'll lose. somebody will come

Answer 3

I can understand how you feel.

I should just treat them as you would anyone else from now on and dont mention it again unless they do  then just smile and shrug and say well I always used to think of you as one of my  my work buddies.

Answer 4

You made your mistake when you walked away, Why didn't you just answer the question honestly.  Anyway I don't really think there a way to bounce back from something like that because that person knows now that you are not their friend.  Well when you both meet face to face again tried to apologize for walking away and try to play off like you got upset for that person asking you that question because you thought they were friends already so that question didn't need to be asked.  It's kinda like reverse psychology.

Answer 5

Sounds like he has a big problem.  He is a bully in disguise.  He is not nor will never know how to be a friend.  He is the type that plays like he is a friend and then learns what he can and then treats people badly.

If you see him again, which you will, just be the same as you were before.  He is the one that is loosing, not you.  Do not be sucked back into the same game he is playing again.

If you get into this situation again, tell the truth, say yes I thought we were working on a friendship but I guess I was seriously wrong...you're loss and walk away.  That will stop that from happening again.  

Be yourself and remember that he isn't worth your time or your effort.

Answer 6

yeah, i say try to joke it off. and just have small conversation with them.