What to do about 8-year-old's behavior?

Question

My wife and I are losing our patience and our sanity with her son (my step-son). He's going to be nine years old very soon, but he exhibits behavior of a wild 4-5 year old. No form of discipline works, and no punishment seems to phase him. He refuses to go to any restaurant where there aren't toys involved without at least thirty minutes of struggle to get him in the car. When he doesn't get what he wants, he throws fits, breaks things, and has now begun urinating all over our basement when he's upset (I don't mean having accidents, I mean pulling down his pants and aiming). We have tried enrolling him in Martial Arts since we heard that helps with discipline and focus, and his instructors say he is a pleasure to teach, but that goes out the window as soon as we leave. It also doesn't seem to help when he visits his bio father and grandmother on weekends. Any progress we make completely disappears when he's there, since they let him do whatever the heck he pleases. Any advice??

Answer 1

Sounds like you have bigger issues than can be resolved in anybody's 3-paragraph answer.  I'm sure you can help him as he's still very young, but I'd suggest you talk to a real-life counselor because it sounds like things are complex enough at this point that you and your step-son could benefit much more from some hours of detailed conversation with somebody than any glib answer you could get here.

Answer 2

He's clearly acting out probably cause you are his step dad..I would suggest family therapy.

Answer 3

It sounds like 8 years of him being spoiled.  You should get him counseling.  Good Luck!

Answer 4

that is the problem two different sets of rules and two different places, tell your step son that unless his behaviour improves he will be spending less time at his grandmothers and biological parents home as he cannot behave himself.

reward him for small improvements, tell him he is off the the doctors or counsellors if he continues with this. get him to draw things and praise him for it, get him to help with chores tell him after that he can play, may be a struggle at first but if he is bored he will play up, make sure he is occupied all of the time, talk to him if you can,if he wont talk to you , it  might be off to see a councillor.If he throws tantrums remove his favourite toy/s for a short while until he calms down, then tell him when he is calm he can have them back.If you think he might have attention deficit disorder, do not give him packaged foods or anything with MSG or high sugar drinks like cola or any energy drinks. hope this helps.

Answer 5

It probably has to do with the divorce. Kids act out in different ways. I'm a stepmom and my stepson has used my toothbrush to clean dirt off the floor, cut my makeup brushes up, and tried to flush my eyeshadow away. You should have him see the school counselor. They can talk which helps a lot. Maybe he feels he has no one to talk to. I don't know if Martial Arts is necessarily the kind of discipline you want him in. Maybe something a little more docile. Swimming, diving, track?

Answer 6

I would suggest that you get him involved in Sunday school and a Christian children's club such as AWANA. It's a national program where they play games, learn scriptures, and earn awards.I'd also get him involved in vacation bible school programs in the summer. I would also pray for him and for wisdom and patience in dealing with him.

He needs to make the connection that God expects him to obey his parents. I would suggest Christian counseling for him and your family.

I would suggest giving him hugs and reassuring him of your love. I'm sure that is really hard given his behavior, however, if a child starts to think parents don't love him because of his bad behavior I think they are more likely to continue bad behavior.

I would try to maintain your calmness as much as possible and watch what you say to him, that it is not out of anger you speak to him. Easier said than done I know, but I would pray for God's help with that.

I believe God has a way out of this for you. God bless you.

Another thought-have you considered having custody changed to his father? Would he be fit? Maybe the boy would like living with his father and it would give you and your wife a break.

Answer 7

There could be soo many possibilities here. You should really start with contacting his schools psychologist. They will meet with him and be able to give you some insight as to what and where the behaviours are stemming from. I do understand how difficult 8yr old boys can be, I have one myself. But, if he behaved in the manners that you have described, the school would be my first place to go. Also, if there is amicable relations between yourself, your wife and her ex, you should discuss the problems and see if there are any problems on their time too.

The child needs some help, that much is apparent. Unfortunately, I don't know if it is something you can do alone at this point without some outside help/counseling.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

First I would take him to a specialist to decide if his signs and symptoms are behavior or neurological.  X-nay on the school psychologist, they are not experts in neurological conditions.  IF you want the psych component get it after the neuro or combine the 2 by going to a neuropsychologist. The specialist  I would go to is a neurologist.  That way if it is something with his brain then you can immediately begin working on it.  If the neurologist says he is neurotypical (no problems) then take him to a behavior analyst to modify and change his unwanted behaviors. The neurologist told me a long time ago when you can't take it anymore and reach for an aspirin or a beer 1X or more a week to deal with your child then it is too dysfunctional and its time to think about medicating the child. Good Luck!  It will get better once you get some intervention going.