What to do about a reluctant bridesmaid?

Question

I'm having four bridesmaids in my wedding: my best friend from high school (and beyond), two of my roommates from college, and one of my fiance's best friends. My best friend, fiance's friend, and one of the roommates were all moved, excited, etc. when I asked them, but the other roommate was not very excited at all. She may even have seemed a little uncomfortable. I know I don't see my roommates very often any more, but since moving out here for a job last year I haven't made many close friends, so my friends from college are my best friends. Is it possible she doesn't think we're as close as I do? Is there a way I can give her an out without making her uncomfortable? What should I do?

Answer 1

I would be totally flattered if i was asked to be in someones wedding! Even if we werent close, i would think that would make it that much more flattering that i was thought of.

The best way to handle this is to ask her what she thinks of being apart of your wedding. Ask her "are you ok with being in my wedding?" Then be sure and tell her the reasoning you chose her above other people to be in it.

Answer 2

Ask her point blank are you happy to be my bridesmaid? and go from there, let her know its your DAY and you want everything perfect but at the same time you do not want her to be uncomfortable- let her know why you feel such, be straightforward you dont want to be stressing because of her

Answer 3

If she wasn't honored to be a part of your wedding party, then I don't think she thinks of you as highly as you think of her. I think you shoul speak to her. Tell her that if she's uncomfortable being part of your big day that she doesn't have to be. You don't want to have someone ruin your big day because she wasn't happy.  

Answer 4

Drop her ! she will only cause you stress! believe me i'm going through that now!  

Answer 5

I know that you want her there and you really want her to support you on your big day, but what a lot of people don't realize is that being in someones wedding is a HUGE responsibility.  There is a lot of time, planning and money associated with it.  

While she may still consider you a close friend, she might not be able to financially swing it right now.  Or perhaps she is at a place in her life where she can't devote that much time and doesn't want to let you down.  There could be several reasons why she seemed a little hesitant.  

You should take her aside and talk to her about it.  Tell her how you feel and that if she can't do it, then she can't do it, but that you would still LOVE for her to come to the wedding and support you that way.

good luck and congratulations.

Answer 6

You've received some good answers. Probably the only way to give her an "out" is to have a little heart-to-heart with her. You might just say something like, "It may have just been me, but I thought you seemed a little bit reluctant when I asked you to be in the wedding. I would LOVE for you to be a bridesmaid, but it there's a problem, I'll understand."

Give her a chance to agree or disagree at this point. If she says she can't be in the wedding, graciously accept her explanation. Say, "I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm disappointed, but I understand the problems." or something to that effect.

If it's a matter of money - maybe she can't afford the dress and the accessories - who knows? -  could you assign her another duty, such as keeping the bride's guest book?

Answer 7

Just tell her straight up that she comes across as uncomfortable being in the wedding and tell her if that is the case its ok for her to decline.  Some people feel obligated when asked to be in a wedding and others dont.  Just let her know its ok if she doesnt want to do it.  Perhaps she doesnt feel as close anymore or maybe she doesnt have the money to do it and doesnt want to say it.  Just dont be angry with her is she says she doesnt want to do it.

Answer 8

Everyone knows that being in a wedding costs tons of money.  Dress, shoes, hair, shower, shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift...plus you give up tons of your time.  Maybe she's going through money issues right now, or knows she can't take as much time from her job or something.  Talk to her, one on one, and give her a chance to back out if she wants to.  

Answer 9

I think the best thing is to talk to her and let her know you asked her because you are friends but if she doesn't want to then you won't be mad at her and you will understand. Trust me you don't want a bridesmaid that is not willing to help out and be excited with you.

~MLF~

Answer 10

It probably has more to do with the expense and time associated with being in a wedding.  I don't know what her financial situation is but sometimes it's a hard commitment to make.  Just ask her and give her the option to back out.  I'm sure it has nothing to do with you or your firnedship.