What to do about boyfriend's crazy mother?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I have never met or spoken to his mother and know nothing about her.

Yesterday morning, my boyfriend and I got into a minor fight. The next thing I know, I get a call from my biological father, who I have only met twice. He is mentally ill and recently out of prison. I was not raised by this person and want nothing to do with him. In fact, I am quite scared of him.

Apparently my boyfriend's mother figured out my last name and what state I was born in, and called EVERY HOUSEHOLD with my last name asking if they were related. Then she went on to say a bunch of very nasty and untrue things about me.

I am extremely upset. I feel that my privacy has been violated and that she crossed a a serious boundary. Furthermore, I have taken great care to hide my locations and whereabouts from this man, and now not only does he know where I live, he has my phone number and knows a quite a bit of detail about my private life and seems to be taking a great deal of pleasure in the fact that my boyfriend and I are having 'problems'. (Though we really aren't).

I am FURIOUS. What is the best way to address this and make it clear to this woman how extremely out of line she is?

Answer 1

Well what a mess this is for you. Sorry to see how your father was dragged into this by your boyfriends mother. But the truth of it is this. She must have found out about this fight somehow. Her son, who barely speaks to her, must have told her about the fight and gave her enough info about you that she could track down your father. I don't think he is completely faultless in this. He knows what a nutbag his mother is, and yet he spilled all this information to her. For what? Another thing to consider is this. You have been dating him for a year, and you have never met his mother. Whats up with that? I would run from this relationship.  2 scenerios. 1 she is nuts and completely over the top on what she does and how she responds to things. This will be your mother in law one day. 2 he is not being truthful to you about what he did and how this information got to his mother and he knew she would respond in a fashion similar to what she did.

When I was dating, my mother (who I was close to, and for all purposes normal) was not made aware of every spat or argument my girlfriends and I had. This was my private business and not hers. Why is he running to mommy when you fight, especially since they barely ever talk.

Answer 2

Your bf's mother seems to know a lot about your private life hun. If you've never met her, then how does she know so much ? ~ Me thinks your bf might have snitched to his mother about you.

  I'd just be the bigger person here, be the adult, don't give his mother a re-action or even any acknowledgement, to give her that is merely a waste of your time & she doesn't deserve any of your time.

Just ignore her hun, it'll hurt her more.

Good luck. X :-)

Answer 3

I would get away from these people. Your boyfriend told his mother about the fight. Who needs a mamas  boy who tells her your private info. This woman is dangerous and will only get worse.

Answer 4

this is a tough situation.  first concern is...why is your boyfriend running home to tell mommy everything after a minor fight?  is this going to be how things are always going to be when you guys have any disagreement?  better think about things here, because that is childish, stupid, and weird.  he should strive to be an adult, not "mommy's boy"  

if you marry your boyfriend, this woman will always be around.  maybe you can try to talk to her.  however, i have met people like you have described his mom to be.  they are crazy, and you usually cannot reason with them.  they are not even speaking the same language as you or the rest of the logical world.  if she doesn't change or see your point of view...you might want to reeveluate your relationship with your boyfriend.  do you want this woman being your kid's grandmother?  do you want to have to see/deal with her at every family gathering?  if you can't get out now before it's too late.

Answer 5

When a couple fight/ argue/ disagree , whatever, they should never, ever run back to mommy and poppy. N E V E R!

He is an idiot.  

The best thing for you is:

1. dump the bf

2. be more careful and choosy in picking your next one.

3, inform you bio dad, you wish him well, but you want a distant relationship, and say thanks for your understanding

Answer 6

you and your boyfriend need to sit down and have a talk with her.  You need to let her know that this is bull sh**.  She has no right to ever talk to your family about anything.  It is none of her business what happens between you and her son.  I have a MIL that is just like this.  She cant keep her nose out of everyone elses business and on several occasions and i told her how it is and that she is being a bit**.  You need to lay it out on the table and tell her what you think about what she did! Or she will push you around for the rest of your relationship with her son.  God forbid you ever marry him then you are really screwed lol

Answer 7

dump your boyfriend, he's told your mother too much about yourself

he's just as crazy as she is!  he probably told her to look up the man

  and have him call you!

dump him