What to do about difficult coworkers?

Question

I just started working at a preschool as an assistant teacher. I gave up having my own classroom at another school because this job actually pays better but I just finished my first week and the teacher I'm working under is being difficult. Every time I say something, even in conversation, she has to contradict me or somehow make sure I'm in my place. For example: I asked her if she was a musical person and did she enjoy singing with children. She immediately said we would be making the lesson plans out together and I should keep in mind I wouldn't be doing that sort of thing without the approval of her and the other assistant. For the rest of this week I have been leary about saying anything because it pisses me off when people constantly have to correct me or put me in my place. I haven't tried to take over this class, nor do I want to. I'm ok with being an assistant because I know I won't be doing this forever. I have my own agenda and this is but a stepping stone to get there. I want to do a good job and I love working with little kids. I just want this to be a fun, comfortable job where I can continue to make a positive difference in children's lives. I'm the only male on the faculty if that says anything. I'm not even allowed to change or toilet girls, whereas I did everywhere else I've worked. This teacher is half my age, by the way, if that helps. We have the same amount of education but we're in different fields.

Answer 1

Sadly, I agree with the answerer who said that your "superior" is probably feeling threatened by you.  Surely there are complicated emotional issues beneath the surface.  

You COULD show her up and "steal her thunder" and make all of the children like you best, but you probably already know that is not the best route.  

It does make sense to let her know that you are not after her job, not that she will likely believe it.  Insecurity is a deep-rooted thing.

Chances are that in a few weeks she may realize that you are who and what you say you are, and might begin to let her guard down.  On the other hand, she may be uptight and bossy for your duration.  You will be able to see which direction that is going in due time.

If you do not anticipate things getting better you could grit your teeth and join a Fight Club in your off time (just kidding!), talk with the director about the possibility of a different classroom assignment, or consider the advantages and disadvantages of working elsewhere (knowing that this scenario may just repeat itself).

Other than that, I hear Jeff Gillooly knows some people...

Answer 2

We know why her last assistant quit.  Talk to the director. Ask her advice in dealing with the lead teacher.  Also ask if you can switch classes when there is an opening in another room.

Answer 3

Lovepreschool has a good answer, just thought I'd put in my two cents worth.  I probably would have told her off and gotten fired already, but in a nice way.  

Answer 4

She never really answered your question, did she? I would have said, "What has that got to do with the question I just asked?" Don't let her step all over you. I would confront her and let her know that you don't like the way you are being treated and you will not tolerate that kind of behavior towards you. Keep detailed notes...she will eventually hang herself if you give her enough rope.

Answer 5

It does sound like she just doesn't know how to deal with a man in her field, and I can't say I blame her, as I have never worked with a man in childcare either.  It's sad that when women work with kids, they are nurturing.  When a guy does it, he's a pedophile.  Go figure.

As a director, I had a teacher once that let it be known she'd love to have my job.  It worried everyone except me.  I did finally tell her to cool her jets because I didn't plan to leave.  She went on to get a nursing degree, lol.  Guess she is after someone else's job now (plus it pays better.)

Just do your best and tell her that you aren't looking to take over her spot, don't even want it on a silver platter.  But you do want to be happy and not afraid to open your mouth.  Just by the fact that you are twice as old as she, she should be more respectful.  She's not a positive role model for the students.

Your director should be more observant and step in and tell the teacher to cool it.  I've had to do that too.  Maybe you should rethink your position in this daycare that evidently doesn't trust men like they do the women anyhow.  I think that is going to cause you more trouble than anything.  You could be wrongfully accused of most anything if this teacher gets a cactus up her butt.

Answer 6

It sounds like she feels threatened by you, just by you being there.  So do your best just to do your job, and be careful about what you say to her because she is bound to take it the wrong way.  You may have to confront her if she is always putting you in your place, and just say, I am not after your job... relax.  Good luck.  It will always be hard being a minority (the only man) in your job.  People are always going to question you because you have a job that is outside the norm for your gender.  

Answer 7

Unfortuntely, there are going to be rude people who always think that they're better than you no matter what.  If I were you, I would immediatly say something to this teacher directly and as soon as possible.  As politely as possible tell her that you are just as educated and experienced and you would like it if she could let you have an opinion once in a while. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her one on one ask your director/assistant director for help. They want their employees happy and content withou the drama of a mostly female working atmosphere. Trust me I know.  Monday morning walk in there and nip this thing in the bud. It will make you feel better about going to work and feeling happy with your job.