What to do about guests who invite guests?

Question

So I'm having my daughters birthday party this year at my house. Oridginally, I just wanted it to be a few of my close friends that have children around her age, immediate family, and grandparents. Well, right before I sent out the invites my MIL gave me a list of about 15 other people that SHE wanted to invite. I wasn't too happy with the idea, being that they were all people that me, my husband, and my daughter only see once or twice a year, but I sent them all invitations so as not to step on any toes. Anyway, she just called me yesterday wanting to know my street address because she had invited "a few" (with a sarcastic laugh that I'm guessing implies more than a few?) people from work. Wtf?! These are people neither I nor my daughter have EVER met. Not to mention, I am already accomidating all of the extra people that I wouldn't have invited that she wanted me to...at MY house. I feel like it's pointless to say anything about it now b/c she already invited them, but how can I...

Answer 1

Best thing to do is to just tell her in a nice, respectfull way.

I would've said something as she handed me the first 15 other people.

Answer 2

You must immediately speak to your husband, come to agreement about this meddling woman and resolve it. You are her doormat and she is walking all over you.  Your husband must stop this. You should decide how to handle then both of you meet her and let HIM explain that her baviour is unacceptable and if she wants to continue with these people coming to party, this time, because she already invited and not to make her look bad to them; she must pay for them.  Next time, there will be no next time, because he will clearly explain to her that:

You both are the parents

You both are the party hosts and therefore decide on guest list

If she doesn't like it, too bad, sorry

It is not her choice and rules, it is you and husband rules and choice

She will stop interfering in your family life.

Remember your husband must do most of talking and the wording must be as a united front and that he feels this way, and you agree, otherwise it will not work.

Good luck

Answer 3

You have to say something to her..or better yet your husband since she is his mother...what she did was totally rude and she has crossed the line..take it from someone with an overbearing MIL...if you dont say something now it will only get worse

Answer 4

Unbelievable...she must be a peach to have for a MIL.  If she's a volatile person I'd just leave it alone because nothing good can come of confronting her.  If she's a reasonable person your husband should tell her to stop.  

OR

I think I might suggest that she host a party next time for all of her "people" and that you have a party with friends with children and immediate family so that "everyone can spend time with your daughter to make her feel special".  She'd probably love to get her hands on your daughter's birthday party anyway.  Lots of kids have 2 parties and as long as you only cross lists with immediate family no one will mind.

Answer 5

I agree with Eron.  As it is your husband's mother it's his job to reign her end.

I'm not a big people person and probably would have freaked out at 15 additional people in my personal space.  I hope everything gets resolved without to much drama.

Answer 6

Do you always let people walk all over you like that?  You definitely should've put your foot down when you handed her the list.  It's a birthday party not a wedding for goodness sakes!

It sounds like you are already in over your head on this one. My advice is to get through this birthday and start putting your foot down in the future.  Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work.  It sounds like your husband is a momma's boy because my husband sure as heck wouldn't let his mother walk all over us.

Answer 7

Tell her YOU planned this party for x people and anything more is NOT possible!  Tell her that you've bought everything for that number, and that its not possible for anymore to show up.  This was greedy and selfish of her, which hate to say it, reminds me of MY MIL!  But stand up now or you will ALWAYS be taken advantage of by her.  If SHE wants to throw the kid a party, then let her, and then SHE can invite whomever, but this is YOUR party, YOU planned it, so she really doesn't get a say!

Answer 8

You need to stop this bully in her tracks right now, I can guarantee you that she would never allow you or anyone else to do that to her. You tell her you cannot have ONE more guest for what you already have and if she has invited them she will have too uninvited them. Then if they do show up tell them to leave or make her tell them to leave that is outrageous. Stop giving her permission to bully and take advantage of you, and your husband needs to grow a pair and tell her to back off too. Tell her you invited the EXTA FIFTEEN people at her behest and you cannot invite ANY MORE, PERIOD. Stand up to her or she will only get worse over time, if that's possible.

Answer 9

Wow, your MIL is one heck of a loser. How rude and tacky can someone get? I hope it is your daughters first birthday so you can nip this in the bud. Since she has already way over stepped her bounds, I would suggest you do print screens of this entire question and all the answers you receive. Print them out along with a little note telling her you will not be tolerating her rude behaviour in the future. Let her know if she wants to throw a party than she should do it with her own money! It is expensive to entertain people these days! Good luck with the old bag!

Answer 10

Your husband have a sore throat and lost his voice?  It's his mom, so let him be the bearer of some straight talk to dear old mom.  He needs to be blunt and just advise her that an "occasional" tweak to your invite list is one thing, but an entire crowd, quite another.

Answer 11

MIL's!!! Let her know from the get go that you previously worked out your guest list and have the accommodations worked out which would not allow for further guests.  You should also make it clear who exactly the party is for and who the host is.  Don't be afraid to insult her.  It's been my experience that they just keep coming back.  You may feel a sense of personal accomplishment by ticking her off.  Good luck!