What to do about my mom borrowing money from me?

Question

Awhile ago, my mom borrowed $1000 from me, claiming that she needed a certain amount of money in her bank account to maintain a low credit rating for one of her credit cards. She told me she'd have the money back to me in 4-5 days, a week at the most. I lent the money to her, expecting to get it back soon. However, it has been nearly three weeks and I haven't gotten anything back. She also hasn't said anything about it, and it almost appears as if she's forgotten all about it.

I've thought about asking her about it, but she's heavily in debt and I suspect she's used my money to pay someone back. She's also a single parent and I'd feel guilty about being on her back about finances. She's paying the house bills, but other than that I'm pretty much taking care of my own expenses. I'm paying for my own driving lessons, although she's helped me out a few times. And whenever I need anything, I just pay for it myself.

School is starting for me soon, and textbooks will be expensive. I wouldn't say I'm in desperate need for the money she owes me, but I don't understand why she's just suddenly seemed to have forgotten about it. It would be nice to get the money back just to have some reassurance that I'll really have enough to pay for my school (and other) expenses.

What should I do about this? Should I approach her, or just do nothing?

Answer 1

You learn your lesson. You tell her that even if she does pay you back, you will not be giving her money ever again because she didn't pay you back when she did. Don't give her anymore money.

Answer 2

That was nice of you to loan your mom some money :-) Although, it looks like she is having financial problems and this is one of your life lessons: Make sure that your needs are met first. If you can't afford to loose it - don't give it away or let anyone borrow it.

In the future, if you really can't afford to loose something - just tell your mom that you are sorry but you can't afford it at the moment and ask if there is any other way that you can help (such as watching younger brothers or sisters so she can work a little overtime.)

And for the thousand she owes you ... I would suggest that you tell her that school is coming up and you are going to need $___ for books and other expenses. You could say something like:

"Hey mom, do you have that thousand dollars I loaned you a few weeks ago? I need to go pay for my books."

or

"Mom. Can I borrow some money? I need to get some stuff for school."

If you ask the first way and she doesn't have the money - ask her for advice. Tell her that you thought she would be able to pay you back by now and you really don't want to get behind in classes.

If you ask the second way and she says no - remind her about the thousand dollars that she loaned you and ask if she knows when she will be able to pay it back. That is a large sum of money, so it might be best to ask if she could pay back some of it now and the rest later.

It's unlikely, but she could have forgotten about the loan or think that she already paid you back. Or she might be embarrassed that she doesn't have the money. Either way - I think you have the right to bring it up and see what her explanation is.  

Answer 3

The only way things will get settled is if you make a dirrect confrontation. If she's trying to avoid the sittuation, then chances are she'll make up an excuse when you try to hint her off.

Also the longer you wait to do this, the more it'll hurt both of you. You need to make her understand that she's the parent and it's not your job to support her, without making yourself seem like a spoiled brat. If you're concerned about school like I think you are from reading your paragraph, I'm sure you're clever enough to think of something clever to do.

Good luck hunny,

xoxo.

Answer 4

Mm, mention school is starting and there's some fees and it'll be okay if she slowly payed you back every week.

Answer 5

Are you staying at home rent and bill free? (Meaning you do not have to contribute to household responsibilities) If the answer is yes, consider it a gift. You just said she is having a hard time and every little bit help. Now if you see her coming in the house living beyond her means, then politely tell her, school is getting ready to start and I will need, if not all, then some of it back due to books,etc...Your mom at least could have come to you and let you know she just doesn't have it right now to pay back. If she could do installments, will that be acceptable? Wishing You the Best!

Answer 6

not talking will not achieve anything so ask already but do get upset when she can't repay you

Answer 7

Ask her about it --nicely!  If she doesn't have it, suggest some type of re-payment plan (ie $200 a month).

I assume you're over 18 and by 'school' you mean college.  Do you live at home?  If so, and you're not contributing toward the household expenses, remember that she IS providing you with shelter and utilities, and she’s not legally required to do that.

Answer 8

Do as your mom taught you stick up for yourself! tell her, mom i work my *** off for this money just like you taught me, and then i expect to get it back. Its been 3 weeks and no money. I love you, but i wont be able to afford college if you don't give me my money back. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you just have to give it up to me. I will never be able to trust you again if you dont give me the money. Please dont let me down, I'll give you 3 more days, or else no more trust between you and me until we get this settled.