What to do about my situation?

Question

Ok this question is for women who are married or engaged to men that have been married before.

Do you get along with the ex? Does she like you? How did you 2 become friends?

I'm trying to start a friendly relationship with my fiance's ex. I just want her to be nice to me. Some people have told me that maybe she got a little annoyed that I called her to tell her the news of my pregnancy instead of her ex (my fiance). So now I'm trying to make ammends. Although before she was a little mean to me too. She would follow me around, throw things at my house, key my car, flatten my tires. I'm guessing that she is a little bit jealous of me because I'm younger and more attractive than she is? Who nos.

I just want her to be friendly with me so that my fiance can finally see his son.

What do I do? Should I call again? She told me to leave her alone but maybe she is afraid? Help? I'm so confused!

Answer 1

She sounds jealous and angry, but you do not sound completely innocent in this either. she wants you to leave her alone, so do it. I would be ripped if my ex's girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. what are you thinking? Especially if she has let the air out of your tires, etc. Do you want your fiance to get stuck in the middle of this, never mind his son? Let everything die down before you do anything, and put yourself in her shoes for a minute.

Good luck with it. It is a sticky situation.

Answer 2

Grant her the wish, leave her alone.  You don't need to have a friendship with her, remember she is the other woman.  I never had the priveledge of having to deal with any ex-women, for the simple reason is that we live 3500 miles away from them.  Even when we go visit my in laws I don't have the honor of being in their presence.  This is the first marriage for both me and my husband.  (Thank god, no ex wives or step children).  As for the pregnancy, it was none of her business, she is a closed chapter in his life, let it stay that way.  Maybe she is jealous of you, but don't rub it in to p**s her off any more than she already is.  Go ahead and enjoy your pregnancy with your fiance and focus on the future of becoming married.  Stop the drama, life is to short for that.

Answer 3

  The best thing to do is grant her wishes and leave here alone.  Hopefully later on you will come to better terms since there is a child involved but she probably doesn't have any desire to be your friend.  Stay out of the connection between your fiance and the mother of his child until things settle more.

Answer 4

sorry honey. i had the same problem. just to give you a head's up, it's going to get a lot uglier before it gets any better. for now just leave her alone. then sit down with your fiance and tell him how you feel. if he loves you then he will be just as offended as you are. ask him to talk to her about treating you more nicely.

as for the kid, if they both have custody of the kid then it's illegal for her to keep his son away from him. all you have to do is annonimously notify the police and they will notify her that she has to let him see his son otherwise she will be in really big trouble.

if only she has custody of the kid, then she has the right to refuse. and if she act's lilke that and managed to get full custody then i would wonder about the man you are going to marry.  no offense to the man but you didn't give a disccription of him so i am just giving all the possible angles.

i hope everything eventually works out for you. if you ever need anybody to talk to then feel free to email me. i'm always free.  

Answer 5

God you are stuck on yourself - leave the ex alone - you calling her about your pregnancy is rubbing her face in the fact that they are split up.  When and IF she wants to be ur friend she'll call you.  but it seems a little sad and selfish that you wont leave her alone so he can see his son. Makes me wonder if you really care about his other kid.

Answer 6

no genius if she told you to leave her alone, thats exactly what she wants!! for you to leave her alone.

Answer 7

You should be amiable and pleasant when your paths happen to cross, but I wouldn't try to be buddies.  Her real issue is with her ex, not with you.  It's nice of you to want to help, but you cannot fix their problem for them.  To her, you are a painful reminder of her failed relationship. You won; she lost.  That's probably a little too tough for her to take at this time.

My husband's ex has issues--deception, neediness, guilt, insecurity, fear and manipulation problems.  Those are difficult to deal with.  She is bitter and resentful because she's made poor choices since they got together and, when they divorced, my husband was awarded custody of their son.

Unfortunately, to save face, she has tried her best to use the boy to make his father's life miserable and maligns my husband's name to everyone in the free world.  I can't resolve this woman's issues, and I certainly don't trust her as a confidante.  I've tried to be objective, civil and not speak poorly of her in front of her son, but that's about as far as it goes.  I'm told that she's intimidated by me.  In this case, that's not necessarily a bad thing because next week, we'll all be together at the son's wedding.  Should be really interesting....

Answer 8

Leave her alone, and never be the one to call her home.  She is the mother of your fiancees son, so there will always be contact, however HE should be the one doing it.  You must all try to get along for the sake of the child.  The fact that your fiancee cannot see his son is troubling.