What to do about parents inviting siblings along?

Question

My son has one friend in particular whos mother always invites his younger brother along or just drops him off without asking if we invite the older one over. My son and her older son are the same age and best friends, my daughter and her younger son are the same age and are so-so friends. I have a hard time handling the younger boy and my son does not get along with him. What has really set this off for me is we just had a party for my son's birthday and took him and 4 of his friends to play golf and she dropped off the younger boy without asking even though the invitation was addressed to the older boy only. How do I approach this with her without jepordizing my son having his friend over?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Answer 1

Do you get along with the Mom? I would suggest telling her that the younger son is welcome to come to the party, but she has to stay there with him. You have to focus on the party and your son, so she should be there to keep an eye on her youngest. As far as day to day, why not drop both of your kids off at her house for a play date? Maybe then she'll see how difficult it is to handle all four of them at once. Or suggest the older two playing at your house and the younger two at hers. If all else fails, be honest. Tell her that your daughter would rather play with girls her age and doesn't really like playing with her son, and it would be best if he stayed home.

Answer 2

I feel your pain, it's pretty common and you can't rely on etiquette because these busy moms will just jump at the chance to have BOTH kids out of the house that they won't wait until they're asked.

For a birthday party, be explicit - "this party is only for the 9-year-olds" and talk up how it will be inappropriate for a younger child.

For the day-to-day situations, that's a lot more difficult. But I think you should approach like this: tell the mom that your daughter isn't playing so well her son. You can lay the blame on her not getting along with boys (which could be a lie, I don't know) or you could say that she needs a break from her son because they're not getting along.  

I feel for you - I had a birthday party with so many extra sibs that I didn't have enough party favors to give out even though I hadn't invited the other kids.  You have to really get the word out you mean it!

Answer 3

Ok I was just discussing this with a friend of mine and we both agree you just need to be straightforward about it with her. You are not her babysitter. But we also devised a little plan for you. If you want try having an all girls thing for your daughter and then agreeing to let your son have one friend over (that one friend) and when she tries to drop her other son off tell her she can't and why (all girls, your younger SON is not invited to play with her tonight) and tell her that your son is only allowed one friend for the night. Try to just catch her every time with something like that before she leaves her younger son. That is if you don't want to just be straight up about it, which honestly, I would be regardless of how she reacts and what she does with her older son. Good luck.

Answer 4

My friend and I both have 6 year old girls, when her daughter comes to play with mine, she sometimes has brought her two younger (much younger) daughters. this may be because I told her I adore having them over but I didnt mean every time!

So for my daughters b day party I just told the mom that it was a 6 year old only party and I was worried that the younger ones may not understand or get the games and it may be a little rough, she understood and that was that.

Next time you get the older kids together I would just mention it first and say Oh but my little one is gonna be napping, or didnt clean her room or has another friend over, or my favorite: My daughter has been acting up today so I dont think it would be a good day to get them together.

Of the reason you dont want him over all the time is because they dont really get along I would tell the mom that it seems that the little ones are growing up more and have different interests now and it doesnt seem to really be working out for them to play as much.