What to do about potential wedding drama

Question

Ok, so here's a little background info. My fiance's dad has been with his gf on & off (mostly on) for around a decade and she currently lives w/him. He has told my fiance he'd probably have married her by now if she'd 'shape up'. I personally think she's crazy and want nothing to do with her. I have never done ANYTHING to her but it's gotten back to me thru his youngest sister that she says crude and nasty things about me behind my back (said she didn't want my fat p*ssy in her house), just one of the obscene comments.

She is just one of those women who starts drama just to start drama. She has had a long standing 'fight' with his oldest sister for years now cuz she said some mean comments about her years ago & despite his oldest sister trying to make things better. She wont even speak to her or acknowledge when his oldest sister speaks to her. This woman is in her 40's, but is holding onto a grudge about what a 17 year old said to her 3 years ago!! I find this incredibly immature, I mean of course she said mean things sometimes, she was a teenager. She also hates his middle sister (third sister). She currently is staying with his dad and the gf and the middle sister is not allowed to be visible while the gf is awake. She is extremely rude to my fiance too btw. I find this woman disturbing and unstable and am afraid she will cause problems at my wedding. We already invited his oldest sister who she hates the most (the 20 year old) and her (his sis) son is the ring bearer. He isn't close right now with the middle sister who live with his dad, but I think he's mainly mad at her cuz she's been very irresponsible with her life lately. Previously he has said he's been closest with her growing up. I want his sisters there, as well as his father, but am afraid the crazy gf will cause problems. Even if she isn't overt and doesn't cause a blow up, I'm afraid her negative attitude will shine thru. She didn't do a good job of pretending to be nice to me whenever I went to his dad's place and don't want to be treated by c**p on my wedding day. However, if his father doesn't come, he will be devastated and she might not 'LET' him come if she's not invited. She is super jealous and I doubt she'd let him out of her sight over night (we live far away). I don't know what to do about this situation. I know if she causes problems at my wedding, I will absolutely lose it.

Answer 1

Well, this is a tough situation!  Of course, you don't want to have to deal with this caca on your wedding day!  And she's got to be the center of attention and on your wedding day, you will be and she won't so trouble is bound to happen.  You're smart for trying to think of a way to deal before it happens.

I personally would be very no nonsense with the whole situation.  I would explain to this gf that she is more than welcome providing she behaves herself.  If she sets one toe over the line, she will be asked to leave and if necessary, the police will be involved.  I would also suggest that you have some one else monitor her on your wedding day other than you or your fiance.  Let them keep a reasonable eye on her and if things start to get out of hand, then notify you.  That way you can relax a little and enjoy.  If she gets out of hand, have her removed from the festivities.  No gray here, just black & white.  Don't give in to her, just say this is the way it will be and go on from there.  But don't spend your wedding day worrying!  You're giving her way too much power over this situation, assign her pain in the tush status and treat her as insignificant, deal swifly if needed and go back to enjoying your wedding day.  Don't dwell, don't angonize or worry because that's what she wants you to do.  Take the batteries out of her "remote" and tell the rest of the family to do the same.  It's hard to fight with someone when they ignore you.  The rest of the family can have at it AFTER the wedding.  Remember, it takes two to fight or create a scene in most cases!  

We had a similar situation with my stepson's mother at his wedding.  He told her she was more than welcome but this is what was required behavior wise.  Either she complied and behaved herself or she would be removed from the festivities.  My sister in law and I were assigned the duty of keeping an eye on things and she knew it.  And she knew neither of us would put up with any caca and that we were both totally capable of removing her physically if that was necessary.  She was there, behaved rather well even if she did have the pouting child expression most of the day.  Darn.......I've been looking for a chance to pop her one in the mouth for years.......(joking). :)  Good luck and just explain to everyone this is the way it is going to be and those who don't like it, tough.....it's our wedding day and for once, it's going to be about someone other than a trouble maker....

Answer 2

Your fiance must be an absolutely wonderful person for you to want to marry him with this kind of family. The gf might be nuts, but realize the dad has problems to still be with her. Especially after the way she has treated his kids. This isn't going to be fun.  

Answer 3

Despite whether you like her or not, its his fathers date and you cant tell him whom he can and can not bring with him.  just avoid her and enjoy the rest of your guests.  

Answer 4

You invite them all, Hon...whoever comes, comes.

The, your fiance gets his dad aside and tells him point blank to keep the woman in line...one disturbance, large or small, at the wedding and she will be asked to leave...period.

That's all one can do....and both the father & son must realise that if the father chooses to associate with the kind of person he is, then eventually he will be exiled from family events...hope she's worth it.

Answer 5

ok i am going to give u the best advice i can but take it with a grain of salt. My recommendation would be to invite both ur fiance's father and gf to the wedding because ur fiance would be devastated if his father didn't come. however discuss ur feelings about ur fiance's fathers gf with ur fiance. be honest with him that if she creates wedding drama during the ceremony u want her taken out however if she just has a negative attitude realize that she's a crazy bit** let it go and enjoy the day that's all about u. obviously ur fiance's father has admitted his gf is a little crazy ask him to do his best to keep her in line, and u can always hope they'll be broken up during the time of ur ceremony/reception. good luck!