What to do about slated engagement?

Question

Me and my fiance cant stop fighting. He and I have talked about our problems but they are never changed. I have strained myself to the point of physical exhaustion, trying to get him to see how putting no effort in from his part, makes me feel. Im ignored. Literally- he doesnt hear me. But if I lose my composure and yell or hurl an insult- he hears but doesnt listen. He'll want to talk and tell my family that im mean and unruly. I don't know what else to do. What matters to me doesnt seem to even be a concern for him. What do i do to get him to think of me sometimes?

Answer 1

It sounds like you are ready for a serious committed relationship and he isn't - that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, it just sounds like he is not ready to handle the maturity and unselfishness that comes with being engaged and married.

You have put a ton of effort into it - and you feel like he has put no effort into it. That is never good because things don't feel equal, which can often lead to resentment.

Have you tried suggesting counseling? Maybe he would agree to go and try to work some things out.

If he doesn't want to go to counseling then I suggest you leave this relationship. Maybe the only thing that will make him wake up is that if he sees you are serious about leaving.

Try to be strong and realize that you deserve to be with someone who thinks about you and how you are feeling. There are lots of guys out there that I am sure would be willing to give that to you - if this guy doesn't want to then it's his loss.

Good luck to you.  

Answer 2

Walk away from this relationship - BEFORE you get married.  

He did not change for the better once the ring was on your finger,  saying 'I do" will not improve his hearing or listening.  

Sounds to me like his get up and go just got up and left.

Please remember that you can not change him, you can only change you and the way you react.

Good luck with that, sister.

Answer 3

Please consider my answer jaded.

Boyfriends/fiances dont change.  How he is now is most likely how he will be later.  Ask yourself if it is a healthy relationship and then ask yourself if that is something you can live with.

Answer 4

Don't get engaged. Or if you do, have a very long engagement. If you are fighting like this now it will only get worse with the pressures of marriage and children.

This sounds like a very bad relationship that doesn't make anyone happy. Remove yourself from it.