What to do about someone with commitment issues...just friends?

Question

I recently started seeing my ex boyfriend again after we dated in our young teenage years. He has been through a lot in his life and had some pretty nasty experiences, and made it quite clear that because of this, in 10 years, he'd never had a relationship longer than 2 months. Naively I thought it would be different with me, but of course it wasn't.

We split up on the weekend as he doesn't feel he can give me what I want relationship wise etc etc. Although I was absolutely gutted, I made a decision not to contact him for at least a month, as I thought he would just block the situation out now and not get in touch with me, and was feeling ok about the situation yesterday.

However, he decided to contact me via facebook last night, and really wants to be friends, as in friends who actually see each other, not the cliche 'we should just be friends. He explained he can't really talk to 'females' but he can open up to me about anything, and enjoys my company over anyone else. At first, I was really happy we'd sorted things out, and felt good I mean something to him, but now I'm not sure this is going to work, as we both have strong feelings, but he won't commit to me and I know I can't have him the way i want him, i.e. as a boyfriend.

Should I give it a go being friends, or is it likely to give me false hope of the relationship developing into something more?

Thanks

Answer 1

He obviously does like you, but from a mans point of view, he does not want commitment because secretly he wants to play around, maybe I am wrong but I used to be a bit like that, I would start seeing a girl then after a while decide it might get a bit serious and cool it off, then when I realise, 'oh, she is nice' I would try and wangle my way back in but in a way I would not really want to, its just playing around with peoples emotions.

He got you to want him, then once he knows he had you and can let you down, its kind of a bit of a buzz to know you are wanted, then because when he cooled it off you did not chase him around and keep calling etc. its kind of a blow to his ego.

In my opinion, I think it would just happen again, so make a clean break as there are plenty more fish (normal guys) in the sea that will treat you properly and will be happy to commit.

It does not matter what his past experiences have been like, the only person you should be interested in is you, if something aint happening or working for you, kick it in the butt !

Good luck, you deserve better  

Answer 2

He's immature and a few weeks away from you won't have changed that... My advice is that if you are going to be friends you put all relationship-talk off limits - Do you really want him opening up about 'females' he's after that aren't you?? Do you really want to talk relationship-talk when you know he's not grown up yet??

Good luck - And if you are just friends keep looking out for other talent!

Answer 3

yes give it a go cause think about it. if he can open up to you then he trust  and that is a good,solid foundation to build long lasting relationships on,but don't have expectations of him developing this to anything more than what it is. just be there for him. You can't pressure him into that exclusive relationship that you want either by telling him that he wont commit, i mean come on he already has issues that he can't deal with giving him enough pressure alone. Right now your his crutch if he's confining in you, so be greatful. you got him where you want him, he just hasn't commited don't be pushy and scare him away. just be patient, and if you cant then you just move on no harm, no foul...

patients

Answer 4

I don't think you can be friends when you still want him as more.

It's difficult, but he wont ever commit till hes ready.. and that could be a very long time. I think you should move on and be happy. If he cant commit he cant give you what you need/want but someone else can.

Good luck.

Answer 5

i think its best to give it some time to be friends with him so that you and him get a stronger connection. Once you get a better connection, you will feel stronger about each other. Once you both feel that way, you or likely him will open up and it will take off from their. Its better to trust his boundaries so nothing screws up you and his relationship.

-colt...rate thumbs up please!

Answer 6

its kind of dangerous just being mates, maybe he should work out his problems, and you should try and help him, but if you really like each other i don't think you should be close mates

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