What to do if your disposition affects relationships with others?

Question

Many people don't understand me. I don't smile a lot and I'm not social. I actually relish my independence and I don't need to always have people around me. I've always been this way. I have no problems with my characteristics but other people make a big deal out of them. I think it's going to affect my livelihood and hapiness in the long term and that concerns me.

A new woman at my job has already started talking about the expression on my face and my disposition and she knows nothing about me. I can't help the way I look or act and I'm sick of trying to explain to people that I'm not mad or angry. Very few people accept me for the way I am and I don't know what I should do. What would you do if you were me?

I like being the way I am (introverted) and if I force myself to be overly outgoing, talkative, etc. it will make me unhappy because that's just not who I am. It seems like I can't win either way.

Answer 1

Disposition:

Prevailing tendency, mood, or inclination.

Basically, people are judging you for who you are. Grrr... this is one of the things in life that bother me the most. What gives anyone the right to tell you "how" you are supposed to be? You are who you are.

What would I do if I were you? Ignore them all. If you like who you are, why would you want to change into someone who you don't like just to satisfy someone else's lack of esteem? Don't force yourself to behave in any other way than what you are. Nobody's opinion of yourself matters more than your own. You are an individual and I admire the fact that you stick to it and not "follow the crowd".

As far as your work situation goes, the new woman harping at you about your dispostion, just ask her politely to leave you alone. You are not interested in giving her any information about yourself. Of course you are sick of trying to explain things to everyone - it's annoying!

Your work ethic is considered the "correct" thing to do. Employers don't like gossipers, personal issues in the office, or others talking about each other behind their back. And yes, the employers know what is going on. It's part of their job to know.

Fly Girl, you may be only 26, but you are years ahead of your counterparts. If you feel that you need to change jobs, change it when it is right for you. If the situation at your current job is becoming unbearable, talk to your immediate supervisor about it. That person will, in turn, speak to the management. Then you will see a definite change.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, FG. Your livelihood and happiness in the long term will not be affected in any negative way. I would be honored to work with someone like you. My very best to you - I hope some of this helps you. Hugs.  

Answer 2

Maybe you need to find a job where you don't have to interract with people. If you can't, you need to change. Of course you can change the expression on your face. You can soften it an smile a bit. Have you ever caught sight of yourself and been shocked at how sullen and hostile you look? You don't have to be too talkative. Just try to be pleasant. That's not too much to ask.