What to do in this situation.?

Question

Friend of mine has been married to the same man for 11 years. Several years back, she finally figures out that the husband has a gambling addiction and has been cheating on her. They separate for a few years, still officially married but not living together. The same time that she finally decides to file for divorce, she finds out he got another woman pregnant and now he wants to get back together with her. She has kids worry about and doesn't want to make the wrong decision, see if there is a chance to work things out (she does still have feelings for him) or end it.

Personally, I'm sort of on the fence myself since she has kids, (children do need both parents after all) so I was wondering what everyone else thinks?

Answer 1

children need both parents if both parents are stable. they dont need a lying cheating gambler in their home. if anything, that will affect the children negatively.

He had his chance and he blew it. theres no need to tread the same path when you know that that path is rocky and dangerous. Id go for the easy flowering path, the one that wont tear me apart.  

Answer 2

Okay. The guy is a gambling addict and a cheater, who has not only abandoned her and their children once but abandoned another woman and their unborn child too. Obviously he isn't responsible, or loyal, or dependable, or any of those good fatherly things. What kind of role model is that for their kids? What does he add to her and the kids' life? Why does she even need him around? If he's a gambler, he sure doesn't have any money for child support.

It's a no-brainer. If he hasn't changed after 11 years, he's not going to start now. She should end it and move on.

Answer 3

Children do need both parents,but at what cost?  People can be divorced or seperated and raise their children together but not "together" does that make sense?  I wouldn't want my daughters or son to stay with a liar & cheater because that's what they saw me do.  I mean you say your on the fence because of her kids but what about the kid with the other woman?  Doesn't that child need both parents?  I say they have already tried the separation and apparently it worked.  I say end it, she will never be able to be in it 100%.  How could she be?  Plus doesn't she deserve to be with someone that she can trust and love without having doubts about his intentions.  Or maybe she needs time to redefine her life and maybe that doesn't include a man.  Ihope she figures it out and makes the right decision for her, kids are resilient, we adults tend not to be.  Good Luck!!

Answer 4

He would be doing damage not just to himself but to his family too.

if hes a cheating gambling addict he needs help and she needs to move on because with a husband like that you can't possibly gain anything at all.

The children should still  be able to see their dad but they would be better off without him in the home....that's my opinion.

Answer 5

first of all he needs to deal with his addiction 1-800-bets-off!!   Then she needs to dump him he is a cheater and a lier.  He just got caught.  He will hurt her and the kids when he does it again.  Why put yourself through his c**p twice.  

Answer 6

He can be a father and still not be in the household.  She needs to go ahead with the divorce.

Answer 7

He only wants her back because he is between a rock and a hard place.  A gambling addiction, a baby on the way and they haven't been together for several years.  And she wants him back now because the children need both parents.  

They didn't have both parents all that time or if they did they are use to it the way it is now. Why take him back? Now he has a gambling addiction and child support to pay. He only wants to move back with her to save money for both the child and gambling.

But no matter what you say or we say she has already made up her mind and is using the children as an excuse.  

I think she needs to go through with the divorce and let the other woman have him and his problems.  

Answer 8

This guy is a negative influence on the family.  Ask yourself this, which is better, having a man around who gambles, cheats, is disrecpectful to women, or a no man?  She will be allowing herself to be stepped on by a man who has no respect for her....would that be a good lesson for her children??  I think not.

Children dont need both parents if one of them is useless.

Answer 9

He has two of the worst traits, being a cheater and a gambler.  

I know that there are special circumstances with the kids, but they could work out a custody arrangement.  She has to think a bit selfish for the moment.  If she doesn't like what he has been doing, what is positive about staying together because of the kids.  It sounds like she will be happier away from him and his troubles.

Answer 10

She is better off single. Life is too short to spend the rest of life with a loser.  Two parents living under one roof is not a guarantee of a good family life. I left my stupid addict husband when my son was 3 and his father was a part of his life without my being with the scoundrel in my personal life.  My present husband has been more of a father figure than his biological drug addicted "father."   My son is 23 and he doesn't blame me for leaving his bio father.  My son told us that he is inspired to study law like his step dad.  Better than growing up with a miserable loser.  I gave my former husband many chances until I could take no more.

Answer 11

She would be better off alone, than with a cheater. She can find a good, decent man after she gets a divorce that will love her and the kids, and not cheat.  

Answer 12

The guy's a loser.  Kids need two parents, but that doesn't mean the parents need to live together.  If she allows him to continue gambling & cheating, that's much worse for the kids than a divorce will ever be.  Tell her to kick his butt to the curb, hire a good attorney and get herself & the kids into counseling.

Answer 13

i personally wouldnt go back bc of the other baby you cant stay together just for children bc in the end they will be miserable to i know im a product of that also she wil always have problems bc of the other child things would never be the same

Answer 14

Its now or later.  Either she deals with the pain now while proceeding with the divorce or stay with his cheating behind and leave after he does it again.  Plus, the constant reminder of his infidelity because of the innocent child.  

But, if it were my friend, I wouldn't tell her to leave nor stay.  Its no one place to give such a life transitioning piece of advice.