What to do next after he leaves?

Question

My husband left tonight for good and I am a little distraught. Here is a little FYI.......we have had a lot of major mistakes in our relationship of 10 years and it has finally taken its toll on us both. Meaning we have serious trust issues. So after all the arguments and break ups we have finally called it quits. We have children together which may have been what has held us together for so long but truth be told we really do love one another. We just couldn't get past the past. My issue is this... I know there had to be a time when we had to say enough is enough but my heart is torn apart. I didn't get married to get divorced and never intended to hurt my kids this way. So what am I supposed to do now that he is gone, because right now I feel like dying. I know time heals all wounds but this one is wide open right now so what am I to do, because the tears wont stop and the pain is in my chest making it hard to breathe.

Answer 1

Call a girlfriend and crack open a bottle of Merlot and start looking forward. And take care of those kids. They have nothing to do with this break-up. Make sure they see their daddy too. Kids need men in their lives. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Go get somebody to hug, your mum, dad, brother or sister any of your relatives or friends who will emphatize with you.  Surround yourself with people who affirms your whole being.  

Go to a beauty parlor.  Get a facial, get a new hairdo, have a body massage. Get beautiful.  And most of all, ask God for his healing hands.  Think about Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, they went thru this as well, but they choose to survive.

Answer 3

aw..im sorry

im not sure, if you still want to be with him try talking to him or go to a marriage counselor...the feelings you have for him will never completly go away, they may weaken in time but they will always be there.

hopefully you two will still be civil with one another...

when you love someone and you have done all you can do...you let them go, and if that love is true..they will come back

Answer 4

sorry to hear your pain,

just thought that I would let you know that I truly know your pain,because my wife of 16 years up and left me almost 2 years ago now.the pain and the feeling of loss that I have endured these past years can not truly be understood by anyone unless they were the one that was walked out on.in my case the term used is THE WALK AWAY WIFE SYNDROME.which according to stats over 60% of separations falls into this category.I still even after 2 years deal with the pain daily,the pain dose indeed lessen through time,but I will never fully loose the pain and the void that I feel in my life.the love loss will never go away as I will always love her,as stated in my vows TILL DEATH DO WE PART.some will say that is BULL,but those are my feelings,and no one can say that I am wrong about that.thought that you may want to hear the perspective from the male side of what is truly a devastating situation that we are in.all my best to you and your children in this trying time.

Answer 5

you do the only thing you can and that is to be strong for your kids and let time heal you  

Answer 6

You have to forgive and forget.

I suggest that you tell him that you love him and you are sorry,.

If he wants to exchange any conversation, let him,

or give him his space

Answer 7

First of all you didn't mention what happened in the past. Maybe those issues are left unresolved. Trust me that this man will be back a little later or some time tomarrow, soon after he calms down. You need to have someone intervene here such as a counselor. In the meantime, take a deep breath, exhale and relax  because this too shall pass. Good luck.

Answer 8

You have to live for your kids woman! Don't you think they've been hurt enough?! Now you pick up the pieces and move on.It's a long road but you have to get on with your life and show your kids that it's going to be okay one day and after awhile it won't hurt as much.Sure it hurts,you're only human but you have to take it easy. Have someone watch your kids and get someone like a close friend or relative and go somewhere and have a good long cry, get it all out.Whatever you do don't go out and get drunk because once you sober up things will still be the same.Your kids are going to need you and you need them.Just keep in mind, IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY...Be strong for these lil' folks ^j^  ^j^ because they are hurting too.Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 9

well, talk to your kids and see how they feel. make them feel wanted and know that it is not their fault that you two split up.

Answer 10

Your cry and mourn the loss of your marriage.We all get married thinking it will be until happily ever after.Sometimes we love our partners without fail but it just isnt enough and wasnt meant to be forever. Your heart will ache for a long time. Now all you can do is begin to pick up the pieces and heal. You have to make plans for how your going to care for you and your children.You and your children may benefit from talking with a counselor about how all of this is affecting and how you all will best benefit with this and make a life plan.Good luck to you!

Answer 11

I strongly urge you to spend time with some close friends or family this weekend, and then this Tuesday after the holiday make two really important phone calls:

1. Call your doctor and get a referral to a counselor for you and your children right away. You're all going to need it.

2. Call an attorney before he does, or you'll be hurting a LOT more than you already are. I guarantee it.

Sorry you are going through such a rough spot. It's tough. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 12

It's all right.  This is the perfect chance for a fresh start.  Of course it hurts, it always does.  This is a time to learn from the mistakes and if you want, in the future have a better relationship.  Don't worry, it'll get better.  

Answer 13

change the locks!

trust me, otherwise he'll just come back and the cycle will keep going. before you know it he'll be living in the same house as you and your family and making everything terrible.  the hatered that will exist in your home will be unimaginable...

trust me.  my husband left and i didn't change the locks.  every time he leaves, he leaves for good...

things are so ugly.

the locks are changed.

go file for legal seperation.  if he doesn't want, or you dont, to attend counseling or work on your marriage, the only thing you can do is your best to move on and be a great mother.

Answer 14

What your experiencing is what a few of us go through when the marriage or a serious relationship ends and like you say, time will heal the wounds. Don't sit around home and stew over it, as the best cure is to get out there and visit friends and do things, even have a girls night out and get nana and grandad to baby sit.

P.S. I agree with rec, change the locks asap.