What to do when a friend turns up uninvited and plans on staying a while?

Question

My friend visited me a few months ago. On parting, I politely said he could stay again anytime. Well, he knocked on my door yesterday saying "surprise" and that he would be staying for a week.

I thought his unplanned visit was very rude. How do I shorten his stay ie, get rid of him?

Answer 1

Tell him although he is welcome anytime, prior notice is required. Just showing up is extremely rude, especially if you work or go to school. What's he doing while you are gone?

Tell him you are busy all week with other plans. I would definitely shorten that visit!

Answer 2

just go with the flow and then make an excuse to be somewhere- there isnt much you can do without being rude back

Answer 3

Tell him it's not a good time for you and recommend a nearby hotel. It is very wrong of him to take advantage of you like this. Put your foot down immediately, or you will be at risk of him doing this again

Answer 4

That's pretty rude of u! He's ur friend and u should be kind 2 him! The Lord doesn't always work as planned because it' not all about u! U welcome ur friend with opened, loving arms and be respectful! U let him stay however long he wants and don't let the burden come in between u and ur friendship!

Answer 5

Just say something like:

"You didn't let me know you were coming. I wasn't expecting you. Actually I'm really busy with work/study at the moment. I don't mean to be rude but I don't have the time at the moment for socialising. Can we do this another time instead? But it's best to check with me first"

Answer 6

Relating to what others have said, unfortunately you did say "anytime" some people take such as literal.

Equally it was rude to merely appear out of nowhere. I would have been arsed. Especially when my uni studies are pressing.  In short your friend is a right pillock.

If you really care for him, I would be a good sort, have him be as comfortable as is reasonable, but before he leaves make clear that advanced notice must be given in future.

If you do the above, you won't  be treating him rudely, ruin a friendship (if you want a friend like he) nor will you look the prat.

Answer 7

I'm afraid there really isn't an easier way other than being polite but firm. I've been in this situation myself and know how hard it is especially if their a good mate. Don't fall for any excuses it's your home and he can't just invite himself. If he does want to talk or is having some kind of problems or needs help then arrange to meet somewhere that isn't your home. Good luck!

Answer 8

wow that is rude.tell him politely you have other things you need to do and that you cant really have a house guest at the mo.

Answer 9

You may see him as a friend, but in reality he is barely an acquaintance who likes staying places on the cheap..a user!

He is simply showing his retentive side to someone who generally obliges out of the goodness of his heart.

If you don't nip this in the bud/like deadheading flowers, you are sewing the wrong seeds.

Pack his bags, and put them outside... that'll do the trick.

Good luck, and don't back down.

Answer 10

tell her you have made plans to stay at your parents or something like that. it isnt right for her to impose. you could also just tell her straight you will need a warning before she plans to stay because you have plans yourself

Answer 11

Do you have sight of who is at the door? If you want to see them answer the door.If not put you outdoor coat on and say you've got to go as there is an emergency,don't forget to change your shoes!!

Get message sent that his house is on fire.

Answer 12

Well, you did in fact say anytime, but you are right, he should have contacted you first.  It depends how much you value his friendship.  Certain people in life get by by imposing themselves on other people, knowing that the person will be too well mannered to say anything, so they get away with it, these people are manipulative, and if you do say anything, then they get upset and you end up feeling bad.  

The first thing, is to decide if you can handle the fact that saying something may mean you lose this friend.  However, it is worth pointing out that if this is the case, you are better off, and you don't really need friends who do this to you anyway.  Had he turned up saying he had nowhere to go and was unable, for some reason to contact you first, you may feel differently.  If you decide that you want him gone, and you are prepared to lose his "friendship" then sit him down calmly and say to him "I know I said you could stay anytime, but that is something polite people say, what I should have said was you can stay again, however, now is not convenient for me, I have not got the space/time/money to have you here at the moment.  If you had contacted me before arriving on my doorstep, I would have been able to tell you this and save you the wasted journey.  I am sorry, but at the moment I really can't have you to stay, I am sure as you did not call first that you will understant."  Leave it at that, and do not get drawn into a debate about it.  If he winges on about anything, just keep calmly referrinng back to the point that he did not call first to make sure it was okay.  Don't deviate from that, don't be drawn into anything, don't lose your temper or get exasperated, just keep saying "I understand what you are saying, but had you called first, I would have been able to tell you that right now is not convenient for me to have you to stay".  Keep saying it until he has no other buttons to push and has no option but to leave.  If you want to try and salvage the friendship, then you could add as he is going "Next time you want to visit, give me a call first and I would love to have you here".  

Do not be worried about hurting his feelings, he was not bothered about being rude to you, and he probably has someone else he can spring a surprise on.  Is he perhaps using your place as a base while he visits or sightsees, or is he hanging around eating you out of house and home?  In which case he may have some personal troubles he did not feel like telling you about, it is up to you if you let him stay further, some people can be too ashamed to ask for help when they need it.  On the other hand, if he is using you as a free b&B, he should be made to go, or at least contribute.  Making him pay his way will more than likely put him off staying again unanounced.  

Answer 13

some friend you are!  you shouldnt have "politely" stated that he could stay anytime ! and if i thought you had written to answers about me i wouldnt even stay the night! a phone call from your "friend" would, i guess, have been appreciated, but for you to blatantly want to get rid of him makes you one of those people who say one thing and mean another!!  your so-called friend would be better off without you !!!!

Answer 14

"How great to see you again!  Which HOTEL are you staying at?"

Sorry to say that you left yourself wide open for this one when you said he could stay again... anytime!

If he replies, "Why HERE!"

You reply, "Oh, MY!!  I'm SO sorry, but I'm unable to accommodate your visit right now.  Let me help you find a hotel... here... here's the phone book."

You don't need to go into details or excuses as to WHY you are unable to accommodate his visit... then show him the phone, and the door... and then... "Give me a call and we can set up a lunch date while you're here!"

Have a polite day.

Answer 15

If I'm reading this correctly, you have an uninvited house guest.  Only  the most boorish of people would arrive with plans to stay a week and not even mention it to the host.

Since this clod didn't think to check with you regarding your plans or ability to accommodate him, there's no need to be steamrolled here.  

The courteous thing to do would be advising him that while it's good to see him, you can't accommodate his entire stay.  You can help him out the first (or 1st two) nights, but are asking him to understand that you weren't expecting him and are unfortunately not able to offer your house for an entire week.

If he asks why, you just weren't prepared for it (this highlights his rudeness in making an assumption)

If he regurgitates that you said "anytime", acknowledge it and thank him for helping you to see that you need to be more specific with him. But it doesn't change the fact that you are not prepared to provide him with accommodations for a week.

Poor planning on his part does not obligate you to become his hotel.

It won't be easy, in fact you'll both be uncomfortable about it, but if you don't do something this time, you will have set a standard that you will be forced to live with... and next time it might be two weeks.

Answer 16

uuuuhhmmmmm!!!! (stretch), I'm feeling really tired.  I am going to take a nap.  Why don't you call me first in a [fill in the bank - couple hours, days, etc.) and maybe we can do something.

Answer 17

Burn Him!

Answer 18

I am interested in why he chose to visit out of the blue. More details may be necessary to understand what happened exactly.

Advice: If he is a true friend, then be honest about your feelings and he will understand. I would tell him to give me advance notice next time and then let him stay, because it is only a week and then he will be gone.

Unfortunately, when you said "stay again anytime" he took that literally.

Answer 19

Since he called your bluff just let him know that at this time you need for him to get along and be gone in the most polite way feasible.  D

Answer 20

Honesty is the best policy. I think the answer depends on how far he traveled. If he came from a long distance, I'd host him for the week but tell him to phone first next time. If he just popped over from the next town, I'd tell him that it wasn't a good time as I already have plans that week.  

Answer 21

Tell him that you're glad to see him.  But next time please let you know in advance.  You don't like surprises.  You weren't prepared for a visit.  

I would have been angry if someone did that to me.

Answer 22

Just tell him that when you told him he could come back and stay any time you forgot to tell him to call in advance to make sure that you didn't have any other plans for when he was planning his next visit. Tell him that you are very sorry but that you have made plans to go out of town and he will have to leave so you can get ready. Tell him you wished he would have called first.

Answer 23

Develop a loud snore, and a morning cough :)

Answer 24

Tell him you wish he had called you in advance because this is a very inconvinet time for you to have company. Does he live far away? Does he have a job..on vacation? take time off just to visit you? You really didn't say much. But either way it is rude of him to drop in for a week.

People like that let a week turn into 2 weeks then a month etc... Sooner the better. Sorry he didn't get in touch so he wouldn't have come all the way at such a bad time. You just have a lot going on..in your life right now. Don't feel bad he is the one with no manners.

Answer 25

don't answer the door but if there in just say your going to stay at a family members !

buy a door cam

Answer 26

Well, technically speaking he was invited. He probably took what you said to heart & decided to follow through on it. I don't tell people things like that unless I really mean it. However, he should have called in advance & made sure everything was alright with you. If I were you I'd tell him that you wish he'd contacted you in advance & now is really a bad time for you. You're sorry you won't be able to host his stay but did enjoy the short time you had together.