What to do when child refuses to apologizes after timeout?

Question

My 2 1/2 yr old refuses to apologize after time out. On supernanny the child always apologizes and is then let out of time out. I make her stay in time out if she does not apologize after her alotted 2.5 min is up. She is so stubborn that she actually fell asleep refusing to apologize. How long should I keep her in time out without apologizing? How long is too long? How do I get her to apologize? So far it has taken at times over 1 hr of her in time out before apologizing.

Answer 1

I have been a nanny for 15 years, and have an Early Childhood Education degree, so experience with time outs is my middle name.  Children younger than four apologize when asked because they are asked.  They honestly do not understand the meaning of apologizing.  They may be able to feel sorry, but apologies are only words.

Here's what has always worked for me:

after a time out I ask the child if they know WHY they were in time out.  If they say yes, I ask them if they could tell me.  After they tell me, I then ask them if they'll do it again. Of course the answer is no, and of COURSE they are going to d it again.  I then ask if they would like to come out of time out.  I then ask the child to hug or shake hands with me, or the person they were supposed to apologize to.

Apologizing at this age is not important, they are just words.  Eventually they will learn the full meaning, and be able to do so.

If a child says NO when you ask if they know why they are in time out, then explain why.  Then follow through with the rest.  Explain to the child if he/she does it again they will be in time out again.

You may have a battle of wills here.  The important thing is not to go head to head.  A stubborn child does not need to be "broken", they just need a different approach.

Try getting books, or making books on building empathy and sympathy.  Eg.  "Jimmy took Billy's toy, and now Jimmy feels bad."  ask your child what should happen.  Allow your child to think for himself about other's feelings.

I have worked with very difficult children, and have learned that a battle of the wills only makes the parent/caregiver nuts.

Just because it works on T.V. doesn't mean it works for every child.

Let me know how it goes.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

i say, set the timer for two and a half minutes, see if she is ready to come out, if not, set the timer again, and again, and again. perhaps instead of making her apologize, tell her why she is there. maybe she feels it is injust for her to be there. explain, and then ask her if she understands.

Answer 3

Just keep her in time out. Eventually she will get bored with it and apologize. Keep her there as long as it takes and tell her she can not get out of time out until she apologizes and if she wants to get up she has to say she's sorry. It will work if you keep at it. I suppose if she falls asleep just let her sleep and let her up when she wakes up because she probably won't remember why shes in time out when she wakes up. Just explain what she did and that she needs to apologize and keep her there until she follows through. You are doing right and the supernanny techniques are really successful.  

Answer 4

I have worked in childcare for over 10 years.  You should never make your child apologize.  You need to teach her by example to apologize.  It will mean nothing to her if you make her. If someone forced you to say sorry, would you mean it?  For example, if she hits her brother, you would say "I'm sorry she hit you, that must make you feel really sad.  When I hurt someone, I say I am sorry.  That makes them feel better."  By showing your child the correct thing to do, they will learn.  This will take a lot of time, and you will not get apologies at first, but when you do get them, she will mean them.

Answer 5

Perhaps instead of seeking an actual apology (because she is so young), you can sit with her when her time out is finished and talk to her about the reason she had time out in the first place.  Keep it short (long lectures are not effective on a 2 1/2 year old), but make sure she understands what she did and why she was given a time out.  Example:

"Do you think you are ready to behave yourself and come out of time out?"

"Yes."

"Why did Mommy send you to time out?"

"Because I _________."

"And you know better than to do that, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay.  You may finish your time out, but I do not want to see you doing ________ again, okay?'

"Okay."

Answer 6

keep going you may feel bad for doing it

but if you let her out without her apologizing she will learn that she can take advantage of you and if you dont fix the problem it will be a lot harder to do it when shes a teen or even younger as a child she shouls be introduced to the fundemantals and that includes proper manners and behavior and im not saying brain surgery just the basics remember if you dont fix the problem now it could go on so llet her sleep or yell or scream but she doesnt comeout till she  apologizes

ohh yea if she is in there during lunch or dinner bring her a healthy snack and go eat if it takes to long have a talk with her and dont for get to check up on her go into her room and give her chance to apolgize dont scream then shell learn to scream back take deep breaths and remind yourself

Answer 7

I think your doing the right thing, just remember she is choosing to misbehave so she has to go through the consequence of that decision. You just have to be more hard headed than her, and just think of it like this one of you has to win,preferably you since you are the adult

Answer 8

LOL! She fell asleep? That’s SO funny!!

I make my son apologize. He can’t quite say “sorry” yet so we make him give a hug and a kiss to both myself and my husband before he can be done with timeout. And of course if he involved someone else, he has to say sorry to them too.

I don’t know what to tell you except be VERY consistent. She’ll figure it out eventually. (I still think it’s hilarious she fell asleep! Stubborn little girl!)

Answer 9

Instead of telling her to apologize, make her tell you why she is there.  She is stubborn and still trying to control you.  If she understands why she is there, you might just say "are you sorry" and le ther tell you that she won't do it again.  My son used to fall asleep in a time out too, it really just made me realize he was misbehaving because he was tired, so we put him to bed earlier.

Answer 10

I don't see any point in making a child apologize if they don't mean it.  

Answer 11

What those shows don't show you is the 30 times it took before hand to get the child to that point!  She's young and still learning, she'll figure out eventually that it's just easier to apologize.