What to do when family members are racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. around the baby?

Question

I asked similar questions a week ago because my sis-in-law who lives with us is now engaged to a guy who is a racist homophob. He openly comments about them and even people of other religions like "those jews" (his words). There is nothing we can do to change the fact that they are getting married, but she loves our son. My husband doesn't want to upset her and tell her our son is not allowed over there so, his resolution is to find a job away from here next year when he finishes school. What would you do to solve this problem? It's obvious that he won't watch what he says so that is not an option.

Answer 1

I would tell my sis in law that she is welcome to see my child whenever she wants, but that her fiancee is not if he cannot keep those views to himself.  When your child is older you can start to allow him/her to visit, but only if you can explain the errors in his soon to be uncle's behavior.

Answer 2

As long as the kid is under your roof, and spend time with him, I see no need to do that.  I think the kid is a justification of staying away from the sis boyfriend.  I would just try to know him better and not fall into prejudices, just like him.

Answer 3

I have a granddad just like that--extremely hateful.  I don't think a baby would understand, and I think if you raise him to respect other  cultures, religions, and races, he will know to disagree with your sister in law's husband.  It's how me, my brother, and sister were brought up.  Now that we're old enough to realise what Granddad's saying, we hate it, but we put up with it.  You just have to live with that kind of person sometimes.  We still see Granddad, and are very close to him.  He's the only grandfather we have now.  Every time this husband says something, why don't you patiently, calmly, and gently pick up on it?  Contradict him, catch him off guard.  Good luck!

Answer 4

The next time he opens his mouth tell him nicely=BUT STERN-- (-I don't care what you say outside my home, but in here I'd appreciate it if you would keep it to a respectful level.) That's what I tell my 13 year old nephew. It works --He knows at my house he can't swear or whatever. I had to remind him a few times,and he thinks I am sooo lame,but it works. He'll respect you for it even if he acts like a jerk-He'll know your different. Eventually he won't come around -because you don't talk like him your boring-problem solved.( a flock of a feather stick together) Your a dove and he's a mockingbird -say's what he thinks you want to hear-He's trying to hard to be cool.He must be soo educated. (Ya-know) You could insist that the baby be kept away-right?Most racism comes from growing up with other racist. The baby could be really stressed out with his family as the child gets older. Not a good influence at all.

Answer 5

Tell him to keep his views to himself!

Answer 6

make it a option, get a swear/racist/homophobic comment jar every time time he -, he has to put in a couple of $/£

Answer 7

He isnt your relation..I would INSIST that my baby be kept well way from him.

Answer 8

Get a restraining order against him.  

Answer 9

You have to take a stand for your child. Explain to your sis-in-law that you love her & she is welcome around the baby, but her fiancee is not because of his open comments. This is your child's mind being influenced we are talking about. Don't let fear of what she may think influence what you may let your child be around.