What to do when you are shy and at a party with strangers?

Question

Hi,

I'm a shy person towards new people. I don't open up easily and I can also be socially awkward.

The people who know me would never describe me to be this way, I'm outgoing, funny, laugh a lot, dance, kid around.

But around new people, I just block up.

A guy I'm dating invited me to a party on Saturday for a going-away party of one of his friends. I'll know no one except him.

I'm nervous because last time I went to this type of party with an ex, I was embarassed that he saw how shy I could be, and I'm sure a lot of his friends judged me for it.

Now I'm not going to be a recluse and not go, I'm sure it also takes practice, but do you have any tips for me?

Thank you!!

Answer 1

Well  I hope this guy who invited you will introduce you to some people and not leave you standing there where you know not a single soul.. tell him you have a bit of problems when you meet people initially .. you need some warm up time.. you are not really shy .. you are an introvert but not antisocial.. you like to be together and more comfortable in smaller groups.. where you know the people and you just need more time to feel at ease with new people that is not a mistake.. there are only two kinds of people in this world.. introverts and extroverts.. extroverts are the life and soul of a party.. Introverts can still be good teamplayers and great friends but they just feel more comfortable around people they know and not in large groups..  Just tell him that you would like him to break the ice and act as a mediator.. that you are kind of an introvert and take a little bit of time before you feel at ease but that you are perfectly fine with other people then.. you should remain yourself but listen to people, smile at people.. if you see someone else standing alone.. you could approach that person and say something casual.. you could also always help and hand around drinks and that way say hello to other people.. Maybe just help fetching some snacks and drinks and when you hold them and go around with them.. you can say some niceties to the people whilst doing that..  that is a good way to make contact and you are not intruding.. and maybe they stop you and will start a conversation with you..  or sit down if there are 2 other ladies who just watch what's going on.. and you could initiate a casual conversation.. Maybe if you show the right body language and smile.  some nice bloke will invite you to dance with him if your ''date'' neglects that duty.. he should definitely intruduce you to his personal friends... and people do understand when someone is shy.. just be open minded and friendly.. then you won't be misjudged for being aloof and arrogant.. as some shy people sometimes get misjudged .. otherwise remain yourself and believe in yourself.. never pretend to put on a show and try to be a person you are not... it will not look right.. it's not you.. x*x be true to yourself but make and effort to smile and to fit in.. xx

Answer 2

Do a strip tease dance immediately when you first get there. All eyes will be on you the rest of the evening. You will be the hit of the party.

Answer 3

Just be polite as he introduces you to people and try and have conversations of your own, no one expects you to go around and meet everyone on your own. Just be friendly and have a drink or two to loosen up, make sure you don't drink to much though, then you actually could embarrass yourself !!  

Answer 4

I can feel your pain!!  First of all, try to find out a few things about the people whom he knows who will be attending.  Try to find out how they dress for these types of parties - so you will not add to your state of mind by either being overdressed or underdressed.  Next try to find out what kind of people they are - who is s****., who is a jokester, who is an "environmentalist" or green person - who is religous or not - who likes telling jokes and hearing them, etc.  You get the idea.  This will give you a "heads-up" and also give you the opportunity to be ready for almost anything.  Try to find subjects for conversation that different might be interested in.   A good old standard opening line for anyone is to ask the person you meet what type of work they do.  AND, remember to listen to their response, don't cut them off in mid sentence and most of all - seem interested in what they have to say.  Asking people simple questions - that are not too personal - about subjects they may be interested or passionate about makes people think you are interesting as well.  Complement people too; on their appearance, clothes (especially for the ladies), sense of humor, etc.  Just be careful not to sound condenscending and be SINCERE with your complements. Don't go on about yourself, your shyness or your feelings, and again, most of all, don't be self-serving.

Also, "mirror" the person you are talking to.  Example:  if they are soft spoken, speak softly to them; if they are funny, tell them a funny joke; if they, if they are loud and boisterous, let them lead the conversation and be a little bodacious as well.

You will find being prepared is the best way to feel confidant and also an excellent tool.  You will also find that talking about things other people like will make them more comfortable around you as well.

You sound like you have many, many great atttributes so don't worry.  Try these simple ideas I have related to you and see what happens.

Answer 5

just drink!!!

some dutch courage will do you good.

Answer 6

I understand your problem. I am shy in groups, especially big groups at parties. I don't know anyone and feel extremely uncomfortable. At this one party in Washington D.C. once, I knew no one except for one lady. That was it.

I do much better one on one. It was very crowded at this party too. Well, this one lady came up with her plate of food and I offered to give her my seat. She had said no, that was okay. We started talking from there. She was really nice. Sometimes it all starts with a question or a comment. I do know how you feel though because sometimes I feel judged by simply being who I am, a little shy. Those that know me know I am not shy and I have improved quite a bit now.

Answer 7

I have always been shy by nature, but over the years have overcome it by resisting the natural urge to try and fade into the background.  I used to avoid contact with people as much as possible, except maybe if I were invited to join a group.

So, be conscious to make sure you do the following:

*Make eye contact

*Smile, even if you are not feeling like doing that (shy people seem aloof for this reason).  Seems simple, but we shy people don´t do it enough.

*Try to ask brief questions about someone when you meet them, and seem interested in them.  We shy people try to shorten small talk by asking no questions and giving as brief of answers as possible.  Ask people where they are from, where they study/work, etc.  Ask them how long they´ve lived in the city, etc.  If you are at someone´s house, comment on some piece of nice furniture, cool painting, etc.  Compliment people on a nice piece of clothing or hairstyle.

*Circulate...move around.    

*Resist the urge to look bored, keep remembering to smile.  Keep your mind off wanting to be somewhere else.  Concentrate on not looking like a wet blanket (if nothing else, tap your foot to the music to look engaged)

*If not a private conversation, or too intrusive, eavesdrop and find groups of people who may have a conversation going you are interested in.  If you want to join, just start by saying "I love that song, that movie, etc."