What to do when your children's stepmother is a monster?

Question

My friends have this problem. Their step mother is horrible. She listens in on their conversations with their mother. She tells the kids their real mother is horrible and trashy, which she is not. How do you stop this?

Answer 1

The stepmother shouldn't even mention the mother period.....no one should trash someone else's mother. This needs to be addressed w/the father and if nothing is done, maybe a revised custody plan should be inacted. NO one should have that kind of childhood.

Answer 2

Tell her off, Show HER whos boss!

Answer 3

instead of being harsh and lashing back at her maybe you could simply say " i dont think this is the right way to parent and considering these are my children, and i want them to be in the best hands, you are going to have to work on your parenting or you can take it up with someone higher" there are many ways to work around this without being the bitter and snippy mother. i hope this helps :)

Answer 4

They could talk to their mother about bringing the issue to family court.  This is called "parental alienation' and it is a form of child abuse.  It could have an impact on their custoday agreement.   They could ask their mother for a cell phone, so that they could talk to her privately without eavesdropping or interruption.

Your friends could calmly look their stepmother in the eye, and say, "I will not allow you to talk to me about my mother in that way, and my conversations with my mother are private.  Please do not listen in on them.".    They should be persistent, and say this EVERY TIME that their stepmother tries this.   They might also remind her that if she wants them to speak respectfully about HER, then she needs to provide a good example by speaking respectfully, or not speaking at all, about their mother.  

They might ask their father for assistance in establishing this as a family rule, that the stepmother cannot listen to their telephone conversations, and that she should not make derogatory comments about their mother within their hearing.   If they have that discussion, they should also talk about what they should do if this rule is not followed.   They might ask their father for a separate phone line or a cell phone, so that it is much more difficult for her to listen in.  And, they may ask not to be left alone with the stepmother, since she is being verbally abusive.

They might suggest to their father that they feel that the entire family needs counselling, because this is very stressful for them, and some level of civility needs to be restored to their household.

They might talk to their school counselor about these problems, and get the school counselor to advocate for them to help get these issues addressed.

Another way to stop this is for your friends to get a cell phone, so that she cannot listen.  Virgin Mobile has phones that come free if you pay for just around $20 airtime, and if they only use it talk to their mother, it could cost as little as $5-7 per month.

They might actually call the county family services department for themselves and ask what their options are regarding this issue.  There may be something that we have not thought of.

They might want to consider whether living with their father is their best situation, and whether they might need to consider living with their Mom as an alternative.  This woman sounds like she is not providing them with a healthy home environment.

Most areas have a legal aid program.  Your friends might try calling one of those legal aid programs and find out if it is legal in this context for the stepmother to eavesdrop on these calls.    Or, your friends can call the police and ask them directly.   Or, they can call family services and ask if they can answer the question.   Or, they can find a website where they can ask legal questions, and try to get an answer that way.   In this case, since it is a stepmother and not a custodial parent, there may be a distinction, and it may or may not be legal even for a parent to eavesdrop on a telephone conversation.  If the eavesdropping is illegal, your friends can call the police and report a crime.  While this would certainly make the stepmother angry, it sounds like she is already an angry person, and it would make this issue very conspicuous, so that it would be uncomfortable for her to continue this behavior in the public spotlight.  It would be in the best interests for the entire family for this unhealthy behavior to be stopped.   It would reduce the conflict within the home, and even the stepmother might benefit from the reduced levels of stress and the more civil environment.

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Answer 5

Sorry, you don't.  All you can do is to be there for your friends.  Talk to your parents and tell them what you know.  They can help you.

Answer 6

Advice your friend to talk to her father about this

Answer 7

Talk to their father about her behavior.  Also let the real mom know whats going on too.