What to do with 8 yr old with selective mutism?

Question

i have been told my son has selective mutism and will not talk in school unless called upon. he talks at home and does fine around friends. the teachers and i just cant get him to talk in school. any ideas?

Answer 1

i work at a school adn we had a little girl like this but she wouldnt talk to anyone so they "gave" her to me to work with. im a T.A basically. so i couldnt think of anything but the reward system. she was 6 so i got a bag of m&m's (sounds mean i guess is what ppl told me) and everything she'd say i'd let her get a couple of them and basically worked with her everyday at it and now she talks all the time. after the candy thing i did stars on a chart and after she got so many stars i'd go out and get her something. some people said it was mean kinda like if she was a dog but it worked so...

Answer 2

If your son has selective mutism, he shouldn't be able to speak out loud when "called upon;" it is anxiety and social pressure that prevents people with this disorder from speaking, so if he's able to answer when put on the spot, he probably doesn't have it. Who told you? The teacher, a school psychologist, or a doctor? From what you described, I'd be disinclined to believe any assessment from the school. If you're concerned and think he really does have the disorder, seek an opinion from a psychologist.

It seems to me that your son just doesn't like speaking in class too much. Maybe he doesn't like being there, or thinks the lessons are boring. Or perhaps he's just a bit uncomfortable and shy. Like I said, you should seek a second opinion about this--you don't want to waste your time treating a disorder that he doesn't have.

Answer 3

He may be just shy.  If he talks when called upon and talks at home and with friends, what's the problem.  

I don't think forcing a child to speak helps that much and may even make it worse.  You don't say how old he is but I'd just sit back and wait and see what happens.  I don't think he should be excused from oral reports, etc.

I'm sure you are going to come across those who would have you give him medication but do you think that's really necessary?

Answer 4

the worst thing you can do is to reinforce it by saying "he doesn't talk" or anything to reinforce the problem.  then you are ingraining it into him and reinforcing the problem.

Answer 5

go on amazon and search on selective mutism and you will find a bunch of books on dealing with selective mutism, including some specifically about the best school environment for kids with selective mutism.

also check out www.selectivemutism.org.  there is also a selective mutism yahoo group where you could get lots of good answers to specific questions you might have.

generally, the prevailing opinion is that since selective mutism is an anxiety disorder, the best way to treat it is to reduce anxiety by *decreasing* pressure to speak, then gradually setting very achievable small goals (like whispering "goodbye" with incentives) for reaching them -- but not punishments for not reaching them.

does he talk to kids, adults, or neither? if he won't talk to kids, try lots of playdates at home to help him get more comfortable.  you can also ask if you and he could hang out in the classroom when nobody else is there to play a boatrd game or something to start reducing the anxiety he feels at school.  other options include having the teacher come to your home (if they're up for that -- also to reduce anxiety with the teacher), setting up some playdates on the playground, etc.

if he can't demonstrate things orally at school, you can ask about videotaping him doing presentations and things at home.  some selectively mute kids need an iep to formalize accommodations the school needs to make for them (e.g. they need to be able to use the bathroom even if they can't ask).  

i could go on at length (i guess i just did), but i suggest checking out the website i gave above for lots of good suggestions.  definitely talk to your pediatrician, too.  many selectively mute kids will not talk in school even if called upon, so you at least have a good starting point from which to build.

edit -- sorry to make this longer, and i agree you should get a second opinion, but for the people who think selective mutism is no big deal -- my daughter could not speak at school even to tell someone when she was bleeding or having an asthma attack.  she couldn't say anything when a kid pushed her or when she needed to use the bathroom.  her teachers thought she was massively delayed when in fact (as became clear to them when she got better) she was about five years ahead of grade level for reading.  real selective mutism is very different from shyness, and kids who have it need help.  if you haven't known someone who suffers from it, don't just make assumptions.

Answer 6

I love how this country comes up with all kinds of disorders and names for simple things. Selective mutism?? So he doesnt like to talk in class, lots of people dont like public speaking. Think about it. I hated public speaking until college. I got good grades but I didnt raise my hand in class eitherl. I would answer if called on though. He is fine normal.