What to do with daughters outrageous behavior?

Question

My daughter who is 6 right now is testing the limits on everything. YesterdayI spanked her for destroying her sisters property (took the scisors to her sisters' favorite dress). Aparently her sister promised to play with her and didn't or something to that affect. Well today her sister who is 12 went in my room and cut my pear necklace because I wouldn't let her go to a unsupervised party with guys. And the fun being that its only 8:00 in the morning! Here is the thing I am a firm believer of act your age be treated your age. I stop spanking my 12 year old when she turned 10. But I am seriously considering spanking her as well as grounding her for the next 3 weeks (maybe encourage some family bonding time) I hope that this will come as a lesson that if she wants to act like her 6 year old sister she can be spanked like her sister and also teach the little one that nobody can destroy property in this house. HELP trying not to raise 2 beastly children but fear it is too late

Answer 1

Spanking isn't bad, it just sometimes isn't the best solution. Guilt is a good player with the necklace thing--one time, I accidentally broke one of my mom's McCoy vases while I was vacuuming. She cried when she saw it in pieces on the floor. I felt so guilty that I made SURE to watch where I was going next time.

You can confront your 12 year old and say, "Your great grandmother gave me this as a birthday present when I was your age...it meant so much to me. I saw it in the window at a store, but it was too expensive. She saved up money for months to buy that for me." She'll feel so guilty she'll punish herself for the crime!

Answer 2

Your a bad mother to be honest... Your mentally scaring your kids by spanking them... They are going to be afraid to even talk to you. Maybe they are acting this way because you "spank" them.

It seems more like "What to do with moms outrageous behavior" to me.

Answer 3

She is NOT too old for a spanking.

Girls can be spanked well into their teens.

I think you have a good plan.

Answer 4

I think I agree with you in that spanking a twelve-year-old is a little age-inappropriate.  I would ground her and during that grounding, I would have her do 'chores' or help you to earn the money to replace the necklace.  I would tell your twelve year old that her behavior was totally inappropriate for her age and she will be treated her age in her punishment (so she understands why this is her punishment).  It sounds like they are testing your patience and rules...I would just stand firm.

Answer 5

It's never too late:)

  Well your kids sound kinda spoilt to me.I would try grounding the older one from cell phone,computer,ipod ect.and make her use her time more of:reading,drawing,helping you ect. let her find a hobby like a sport or cooking or some thing then you could help her with it to reach set goals that may bring you too together more.

About the younger one:I would defintally spank her,But if that doesnt seem to be helping then take stuff away from her such as favorite doll,toy, stuff animal ect. that will make her want to earn them back,And you could have a craft day or if shes in a sport you could try and play with her in that.Then for every good thing she does give her a toy back and for every bad thing she does take it away.

       I hope I helped:)

Answer 6

You really need to put your foot down and be CONSISTENT!!! not sometimes but all of the time. Your 6 year old can still go to time out, she can have things that she really loves taken away from her. Whatever punishment that will hurt her the most then do that. Sometimes children would rather be spanked than to loose something they like. Tell her exactly why she is being punished and that punishment should remain until a heartfelt apology is given from her. The same applies with the 12 year old. Whether you have to take away a cell phone, going out of the house period, anything. Do it! and do this every single time. Don't let anything slide with them. When you dom that shows them that they can test you and they will. Show them that you are going to deal with it everytime and all the time until you get the results that you need. This is hard and it will get worse before it gets better, trust me. I have 4 of my own. I am not against spanking but that does not always work. You want them to wish that they would have rather gotten a spanking.

Answer 7

Violence is never the answer. You should NOT spank your children, because that usually makes things worse, like they could hat you as adults. With your younger daughter, you should sit her down and talk to her about what she did wrong, and that she should never do it again. Your older daughter may be more difficult, so you should have a few ideas to handle it. Do not spank her, but try taking her out somewhere and talking about what's appropriate to do at her age. Remember, no violence.

Answer 8

If your children know that each and every time they act our there will be punishment and consequences, they will curb their bad behavior very quickly. 3 weeks of grounding MEANS 3 weeks......not 2 weeks......not 2 weeks, 2 days.........3 WEEKS! If you ever give in to the punishment you impose.......they will push those limits each and every time. Never give in! Be consistent!

Answer 9

The spankings don't seem to be resulting in the behavior you want.  Your kids have learned that if they can survive the spanking then they can do whatever they want.  And you can't make the punishment more severe by spanking them harder or using a belt, because where will it stop?  

So you have to punish them by taking away a privledge that they really value.  And that will be different for both of them.  What they're doing is really outrageous.  I would sit them down for a stern lecture about how they are not displaying good or even acceptable behavior for children their age and that you have clearly not taken the right approach with them.  And starting today everything is going to change.  Work with them to write a list of house rules (you get final approval, of course).  And then be very clear about what the consequence will be for breaking a rule.  Then you have to follow thru quickly, decisively, and without a lot of emotion or drama.  It's just business, you do this, this gets taken away.

At this point they've been so over the top bad I would take away a bunch of things.  Just be wrathful mom to get their attention!  TV unplugged, computer/video game cords locked away, no phone, outings cancelled, maybe even take things out of their room.  Let them earn things back by being good and respectful.  They will fight you at first, maybe A LOT, but once they realize that EVERY time they break a rule, they get the consequence, they'll realize it's in their best interest to follow along.  You owe it to yourself and them to get back on track.  Good luck.

Answer 10

Spank her. I absolutely agree with you. If your daughter wants to act like a young child then she will be treated like one. Good luck.

P.S.: You are not a bad mother. Don't listen to them. Don't worry about what they think of your parenting style. Keep going the way you are.

Answer 11

Oh how i feel your pain. I have 4 girls ages 21, 13 ,8 and 3. And all but the 21 yr old (she is in college) have this passive aggressive behavior. Sometimes I wish they would just knock the you know what out of each other and get it over with but we do stress the "girls do not fight" rule. I do agree with the 12 yr old being to old to spank but cutting up a pearl neck less ...wow ... that really deserves a big punishment. Because both girls destroyed something you may want to consider taking away something they really cherish and making them do chores to earn it back and ground them also. Good luck.

Answer 12

If you say that it is too late now when they are 6 and 12, imagine in several more years when they reach puberty and become hormonal high school teenagers! My advice is to really get across the message the full extent of their awful behavior. Like you said, spanking your 12 year old might be too much, but have her work off the damage she did. Ground her for a while, limit her access to television, monitor her behavior, etc. But you need to get across that this is unacceptable behavior, and UNTIL she understands that, you should continue. Every parent has different ways of doing it.

Answer 13

Explain things to them about life, living in society and learning to control their behavior.

Answer 14

Take away her ability to sit down, and ground her for 2 weeks as well.

Answer 15

I fully agree with what you have in mind. Generally, 12 years may be a bit old for a spanking, but after the silly childish behavior your daughter displayed being turned over your knee, plus a long period of being grounded, is exactly the right punishment. Don't get discouraged by all those militant anti-spankers - you do the best thing possible for your daughter if you give her a spanking she remembers. Just be sure to let your daughter know that she is forgiven after her punishment is over.

Answer 16

That behavior is totally uncalled for.  I don't know if a spanking would do it justice, but I would take away her privileges.   Definatly ground her, and each of them should have chores they are responsible for to "earn" money to pay for the things they destroyed.    I would take away the T.V.  No phone, No games, no computer, no ipods (whatever it is they play with.)   You are right in not letting her go, you would be surprised at what goes on these days (even at the age of 12)

stand your ground mom!

Also-- Don't feel bad about spanking.  Sometimes it's appropriate.  When I was a child, I got spanked, I think most of my genoration did along with yours.  What's not is when parents refuse to discipline their childeren.

Answer 17

you should ground her

and teach her a lesson

that in life you can't just go around destroying things

when things don't go your way

try to talk to her about why she wanted to go to the party

and try to let her understand why you said no

Answer 18

Sounds like you have a handful but good on you for trying.

One reason your children might be misbehaving is that they're bored. Most children so act up when they're bored because they want attention, but by acting up, they get negative attention eg. spanking, grounding etc but to them, it's still attention. Try and talk to them, find out why they're acting up if possible and try to address those problems.

If they are bored, or wanting attention try and find solutions to those specific problems. As you mentioned, family time might be a really good idea, and also "mummy" time (and daddy time, if applicable) where you spend an allocated amount of time alone with each child. During that time you can help them with homework, or do any sort of activity with them that you both enjoy. Another tip to help prevent boredom, if possibly, enrol them in some sort of activity eg. music lessons, sports, art/craft groups etc or do something like that at home. If they have something to look forward, it'll encourage them behave.

When you discipline them, be firm and make them realise that no means no, and that you won't budge. If necessary sit them down and explain why you have made that decision and tell them that you love them and only want the best for them.

At the same time, reward them for the good things they do. Maybe set up a rewards system where they get rewarded for being good. (A moneybox, or stickers on a wall, where they get money or a gift for every 10 stickers they earn for eg.) Being consistent is the key though. It's hard work to start with, but once they realise that they get disciplined for being naughty, and rewarded for being good, they'll naturally want to be good, and make you happy.

I hope that helps and good luck with them. They're lucky to have a mum who cares about them like you do, and wants the best for them. Unfortunately a lot of children aren't so lucky. Good Luck!!