What to do with my 3 year old?

Question

i need some major help. i just had a baby a month ago and so far seth is very very good with the baby, but now seth is constantly asking me to play with him like every single second of the day. and i cant really do that with the baby, i do play with him dont get me wrong but he doesnt have my individual attention any more and you can definitly tell hes not likeing it. we live in the country and we dont know anyone that has kids his age, and not much money at all to do anything or go anywhere (with gas prices) because im not working, i try and play with him as much as i can, i feel so bad for him and wish i could play more, i also dont have a very good imagination anymore so its like i dont know exactly how to play with him although i try. im home all day by myself with him and the baby and im just not sure what to do, its driving me nuts. i love him to death and hate to see him so bored, so my question is what do i do, hes got a million of toys. hes also been throwing alot of fits lately like hitting walls and his legs and getting so very upset with me, hes not listening at all either. my son use to be such a good lil boy, i never had any problems at all like this and he never use to ask me to play so much, i just dont know what to do, anyone else have this problem, what can i do, can you help me. im a good mom i really am, but its driving me nuts. one more year and he can go to school. please no rude answers

Answer 1

I am having a similar problem.  My 3 yr old is used to all the attention and now it is difficult because whenever he wants to do something I have to either change or feed the baby.  My son's problem is that he is having more problems with bathroom habits and has started screaming at me.  So far I have just tried to be consistant with everything and when I do get a chance we have cuddle time, reading time, and I let him watch a show of his choice.  I also am not so great at the play time thing but I try to play toys with him when I get the chance.  Then when his dad gets home he either gets to pick wrestling with dad or something fun with me like playing in the sandbox or a walk somewhere fun.  Whoever he picks gets to be with him while the other parent makes dinner and watches the baby.  Then at bedtime we make sure to give him a little extra attention whether it be an extra few stories or a back rub to go to sleep.  This has made things a bit easier on us as a family.  Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Don't worry, this is totally normal, and will get better I promise! I have a 3 year old son, and a 3 month old daughter, so I have just gone through the same thing. It sucks. And it does make you feel like a bad mom because before the baby came your other child had your full undivided attention. I found that after about the second month, my son just calmed down a lot when he realized that this is just the way it is. Just a few tips, make sure you do spend as much one on one time with him when you can. Also, I found it really helpful for him that the baby and I both did things with him together, so all 3 of us would read a book, or play cars or whatever it is. But the best advice I can give you is to actually set him up with an activity that he can do by himself and that he enjoys, and will take a bit of time to do. For example, my son does a lot of finger painting, plays in the sandbox, and games on the computer. Just things that you can supervise and talk him through without actually having to do it with him. This will teach him that it is fun to play by himself sometimes. Good luck!  

Answer 3

I suggest when the new baby is sleeping or someone elsee is taking care of it just take a little bit of time and if seth has cars you know just do that or legos, anything really. ask him what he wants you to do with him. just make sure you give him a little bit of time through out each day.

Answer 4

BIG HUG!  What you are describing is normal when a new baby arrives.  What your son is doing AND how you feel about not having much imagination anymore.  YOU have a LOT of changes going on in your body and home.  Husbands don't know what it takes out of us, and THEY still need more assurances that we STILL LOVE THEM... so , you are caring for A LOT of people. ~ Just know that YOU will adjust as time passes.  I know THAT does not help NOW, but may it help to know that we all make it through it.   Let your son know what a good boy he is JUST BY BEING him.  This takes away some of the competition he feels for your time.  Tell him what fun it is to see him drawing or coloring.  Tell him that when the baby is older, he can teach the baby alllll the cool big boy stuff .

Give your husband a real hug and a thank you too, tell him how much you love and appreciate him.  THIS, believe it or not, WILL help your whole situation, cuz' our men need reassurances too , if we want to see all THEY are capable of as husbands and fathers.

Answer 5

Well he obviously is wanting your attention & is jealous now that he is having to share it with his new baby sister or brother.  I'm sure you've been telling him & showing your love to him.  Continue to do that & perhaps try getting him more involved in helpiing out with the baby like getting diapers and wipes for you and whatever else you can think that he'd be able to help with.  That way you'd be including him instead of excluding him.

Hope that helps some!

Answer 6

A baby is a lot of work, but everything you do with the baby, he can help you.  He can help feed, swing, get a diaper for changing, etc.  I would make him your personal helper as far as the baby is concerned and praise him a lot!  For activities to do on his own, my three year old loves to watercolor.  He has a five year old sister, so I don't have the problem you're having.   It seems to me that you can put the baby in an infant seat and the baby can watch ya'll as you do something together.

Answer 7

Have you tried setting your newborn in a bouncer seat to look on while you play, color or read with your 3 year old?  He might like a seat with an activity center.  Also, never underestimate the power of a pacifier or white noise like a fish tank, water fountain or classical music.

A comfortable cradle swing for your newborn could be a sanity-saver of sorts for you also.  You might try to find one on Craigslist or Ebay.

You probably get plenty of bonding time with your infant; who is up at all hours, so don't feel guilty about placing baby in an activity seat or swing so that you can get things done and play with your 3 year old.  Your newborn will hear your voice when you read and interact with the 3 year old.

You can't give what you don't have.  Tell your husband how you are feeling and see if he will give you an evening to yourself.  Take a bath, read, go to bed early.......

Don't assume that you need to do all the childcare just because you are not gainfully employed.  If you were paid for your mothering, you would earn approx. 180k per year

Could you afford to put your oldest in preschool/headstart a couple days per week so that he can play with other children his age?  In some communities you can qualify for free care or a reduced fee.

Good luck.  I hope this helps.