What to do with ur child when all else fails?

Question

my son is 9 and he has a facial disfigurment. he is always in trouble in school, hitting, stealing from childrens bags, lying and just being rude.

im sick and tired of dealing with him. ive tried spanking, more affection, time outs, time away from home and now i just give up. the school wants to give him a social worker to talk to to help build self-asteem but i dont see this working if hes not going to get sugery any time soon to make him look more normal. i want to send him to boot camp or boarding school. which they do not have here in ontario, not that i can find anyway!

Answer 1

Your assumption that your son's behavior is a result of his disfigurement may not be correct.  A professional (like the social worker in question) can help you determine the cause(s) of your son's behavior with a fair degree of certainty.  That's step one.

The second step is to help him change his behavior, which may or may not include improving his self-esteem.  Clearly, he needs therapy.

And, you need help as well.  Clearly, you have become so frustrated that you are considering alternatives (boot camp, boarding school) that will relieve you of the day to day stress of dealing with your son, but are unlikely to help him (unless it is determined he needs treatment in a therapeutic boarding school).  Your son needs help so he can make changes, and you need help in developing the ability to cope with the stress and frustration you feel as a result of his actions.

Accept the help you're being offered...it's your son's best chance, and yours.

Answer 2

Well not to be rude but from your previous answer about how if you could go back you wouldn't have had him, Id say that's why he is acting this way! You sound like a horrible mother to have said that about your child! Some people just aren't meant to be parents and you're one of them! Nice way to get rid of your kid huh, send him off to some place you don't have to deal with him instead of trying to help him!! That's what mothers do ya know they stick by their child and never give up. Maybe he would be better off away from YOU send him to boarding school not boot camp that's heartless!

Answer 3

NEVER GIVE UP! My 7 year old is diagnosed bi polar and ADHD and yes there are days I want to throw in the towel but I had him and I love him more than anything in this world and will NEVER give up on him. Therapy, help through the school, psychiatry and consistency does work. Kids aren't going to be perfect..especially if they have diagnosed behavior issues. You just have to take one day at a time and seek all the help you can get. I do know one place you might look at though. I was seriously thinking about it for my child. Here is the web site...

Answer 4

I think you should take the school's offer of a social worker's help.

Your son's got quite a thing to deal with, and I can't help but think he could use all the trained help he can get .  Poor kid  - it's bad enough for a lot of kids when they don't have that type of thing to deal with.  He's only 9.  

I think you should give the social worker a chance, and if it seems as if it doesn't work then talk with him/her about what other steps you can take.

Answer 5

Please don't give up on your son. Maybe a social worker could help him deal with things a little more. We can't always talk to our parents on what is in our hearts...I am by no means taking away your value as a parent by saying this...but sometimes it is difficult to express what we feel to those closest to us for fear of making them see us in a less than perfect light. For a child it is important that they feel valued by their parents ~ I'm sure your son does from you, a 9 year old may not have the wisdom to even be able to express what they are feeling if they don't understand why they act as they do, which must be confusing.

You will have to decide whether sending your son to a boarding school will instill maturity in him or make him feel that you are sending him away because you don't care about him. Weigh up the pros & cons carefully.

In time he may outgrow this behaviour when he has more maturity & can come to terms with his problems.

He will probably become an exceptional young adult with much compassion & empathy for others.

I wish you & your son all the best for the future. I'm only sorry I can't be of more help to you.

PS. Maybe it would be possible to instigate a 'big brother' program for your son. As you don't say whether you & your sons father are together, I don't know whether this would be an option for you.

Answer 6

He probably could use therapy/the social worker.  Don't withhold that from him if you can help it.  I know he's being a real pain in the rear with his misbehaving but the kid is disfigured in the worst possible place!  AND he's in elementary school! AND he's a boy!  That's like a triple whammy for getting picked on.  Kids can be extremely cruel.  Give the social worker a shot, in my opinion.  If that doesn't work after a while, then consider other alternatives.  I know it's tough on you, hang in there, and don't give up on him yet.  He's still so young. Good luck :-)

Answer 7

he is probably acting up because kids who look "the norm" don't understand his feelings and self esteem are hard enough for him to deal with let alone with kids teasing him.h**l i would act out to.Try to put yourself in his place.Not just for a minute try all day.Sending him away will only make him feel you dont want to be around him or dont except him either.I think at his age he,s trying to establish himself but has a harder time because of this disfigurement,all kids act out and most parents don't look for somewhere to send them!

Answer 8

don't make him think he's winning.  When you give up, he wins.  If you want to help him stay by his side and keep trying to do what your doing.

Answer 9

Pick one discipline and stay consistent you may be confusing him by switching tactics all the time.  When he steals things take him by the hand and make him give it back and apologize face to face.  You may want to go with the social worker idea just to see if maybe there are somethings he is afraid to tell you about or maybe embarrassed.  Somethings are easier to tell a stranger.

Answer 10

I think that the worst thing to do is to give up on him.  That will probably only make things worse.  I also think sending him away will make the situation worse.  He will probably feel that you don't love/want him BECAUSE of the 'facial disfigurment'.  

Tell him that just because he looks different, doesn't mean that he gets to act different from other kids.  I think, and maybe this is a little mean of me, that you should show him where his attidue will send him.  Show him what could happen if he gets too far out of line.  For example, stealing could land him in jail.  Show him the horrors of jail.

Answer 11

Keep trying These Days you have to get creative with your  discipline. If he like treats make him earn them or something that he likes My son is an avid pokemon fanatic and he has to get good reports at the end of every week to get a small $5 pack of pokemon cards. My step-daughter is 9 and she loves Hanna Montanna So she has to get good reports to get something . If that isn't working try adding extra responsibilities.  Just use your brain the answer is in there find what peaks his interest and use it to your advantage;  Maybe he likes being distruct ful so if he's good buy him c**p to break.  Giving up is not an option. That is your child and he disserves every ounce of strength and love you can muster and thensome. Kids are not easy, but if everyone gave up where would we be?

Answer 12

Homeschool your child.