What type of punishment should an 11 yr old get for this?

Question

My daughter asked to go over a friends house, three doors down. We just went over to get her and found out she had gone out with the mother and daughter and will not be back until later. It is our understanding she told the mother she was allowed, a lie.

How would you deal with this when she gets home. She has no cell phone or TV (in her room) to take away.

Answer 1

Let her have her fun...

Give her a warning... but don't be harsh. It's summer and let her do her bad stuff before she's old enough for it to be dangerous.

And MAYBE, just MAYBE you need to get her a cell phone so you can KEEP TRACK OF YOUR OWN FREAKING KID.

Answer 2

ground her for about a week or two and tell her to not go anywhere outside of school. atleast she was with her friend's mom so it's not that big of a problem.

Answer 3

Don't let her go and visit that friend for a month, and ground her from something else that she finds enjoyable. It doesn't have to be cell phone or tv...it could be anything that she likes doing. That way she will care about what has been taken from her. I guarantee you she won't lie about being able to go somewhere again.

Answer 4

I would just like to say if you give a child permission to go to a friends house do you not put that parent in charge of them? If that parent was running somewhere why would that parent not think it okay to just take the child with them? If that parent specifically said "call your mom and ask" and then your daughter blatantly lied... I would definently discipline! However the parent said "did you mom say you could go?" and the daughter said, yeah my mom said I could come down here (then I would think that statement gives the child permission to do what they are doing). . and I would not discipline. I guess unless the BLATANT lie took place I really don't see what the bid deal is.. I don't know why you would let your child go to someones house that you could trust them with anywhere. RELAX!!! which is a whole lot easier said than done. I do understand the policy of being hard on the small things so that big things don't happen and agree with it but use everything as a teaching tool!!! Good Luck

Answer 5

Thats not a big deal! do you have the mom's cell number? Maybe they had to run somewhere real fast. Dont overreact. You shouldnt punsh her just for not telling you, when she gets home make sure you strongly tell her what you want her to do next time.Relax!

Answer 6

First I would make absolute sure that your daugter is the one at fault, you don't want to punish her if she didn't actually lie.

Its important to emphasize how important it is that she be honest with you especially if it involves her whereabouts. What if something happened to her and you didn't know or didn't know where to find her? That is the important part, if she doesn't learn, then she will do it again.

For a punishment, I would deny her visits to her friend's house until she can demonstrate maturity and understanding about what she did wrong. I'd also make her tell her friends mom what she did, this way it will re-enforce the lesson AND let the friend's mom know that she should check with you before taking them on trips.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I'd make her apologize to her friend and her friends mother for lying and then ground her from going out for a few days. I think a week might be to long for something like that, but it may also be just long enough. Good luck! I'm sure you will come up with the right punishment!

Answer 8

Well the fact she is with the mother should not concern you, she just wanted to go out and she knew if she asked you you would likely say no. I think have a civil conversation with her but don't yell. Tell her your concerned that she left without telling you. If she is usually a good girl then give her some space however if she continually does this then give her an ultimatum. "If you do this again you won't be able to go there again, your friend can come here". OR tell the mom what your rules are.

Answer 9

Ground her. Don't let her go to friends houses or watch any TV. Don't let her use the house phone to talk to friends or use the computer if you have one. This is what my parents do it it is affective.

Answer 10

Ok, first off I don't think your daughter meant it as you said it was ok but as it would be something that would be ok with you.

She is with an adult. Its not like you went over there and she had lied about where she was going.

I wouldn't do anything. I don't see this as serious enough.

I would just have a talk with her about how important it is to let you know these kind of things and to always ask first.

You know, she is still at that age where she is starting to do things more with friends and stuff like that.

She just needs to be better at remembering and punishing her isn't going to make her remember better.

Answer 11

If this is the first time she has done this, explain that this has hurt you very much and you are disappointed in her not calling and asking first for permission.

Explain that it can not happen again or she will have no cell phone or TV

Dont go with the punishment right off the bat, that undermines her choice making right off the bat for next time.

You explaining you are disappointed will help her to build self esteem for taking care of the matters when they come up again, and making the right choice, without punishment.

Answer 12

She might have not even thought that you may not want her to go. I would wait until she gets home, and if she seems surprised that you're upset, don't be too harsh. Just make it clear that from now on she needs to call and ask permission if she wants to leave the place that you have allowed her to go.

If this is the first time that she's ever done anything like this, punishment may not be the way to go...just let her know that if it ever happens again, she will be grounded from going out/watching TV/whatever.

Answer 13

Well i am 13 and i have done it before. Maybe she can't go anywhere for a week or so. My punishment was no computer for 1 week. So whatever you think would be right.

Answer 14

i don't think its that bad maybe the mom made a plan to go somewhere and it was a spur of the moment thing. She should of called. I would ground her so she can't go anywhere for  2 weeks. Let her know why she is in trouble

Answer 15

Its really not that huge of a deal. did you tell her that she wasnt allowed to go out with her mom and daughter? she was supervised the whole time...  its not a huge deal at all.

Answer 16

Sounds to me like grounding would be an appropriate consequence that fits the crime.  If getting full story from friend's mom confirms that she lied, a good talk about how she can build trust back with you is in order too.

Answer 17

Grounded from that friends house for 1 wk for lieing and explain that she should have called you first to ask if she could go

Answer 18

Well first I would sit down, calmly and discuss it with her to make sure it isn't a misunderstanding.  Screaming and yellling gets you nowhere.  Then when she explains whatever her excuse is going to be with her...Just explain why you aren't comfortable with it and explain that lying isn't the right thing to do.  That lying starts a long life of not being able to trust her now or in the future.  And trust is very hard to gain back.  Let her know that it will take time to gain this trust back.  Then as a punishment, do whatever you would normally do to punish her.  If she has nothing to take away find something to take(such as a cd player, tv time in the living room, or something similar) , then ground her from going to the friends house, and give her chores to do or extra chores for a week.  Then explain that after her week is completed she will still be on a short leash cause she lied and the trust takes time to gain back. Also does she not only need to apologize to you but to the neighbor's mom.  She was the one she lied to.

Answer 19

wow, parents are pretty harsh, i did the EXACT same thing three doors down, but i WAS allowed and i got busted, just the usual concicuence for lying i guess

Answer 20

I don't think i would really punisher..I would just sit down and tell her what she did wrong and let her know what she should do next time the situation comes up as in calling you and letting her know what she is doing and where she is going...and let her know the next time it happens with no notice or she's just not supposed to at all then the punishment can come into play...id say no friends for a week..

Answer 21

I wouldn't freak out. i hated when i was little and i assumed something was okay...not knowing for sure if it was or not...and when i'd get back i'd be in all sorts of trouble. dont become one of those parents that make there kids call and check in for everything or worry about there parents the whole time they are gone. i ALWAYS hated going out cuz the whole time i had to check in or is my friends wanted to leave i couldn't because of my parents..

give her a talking to and a baby punishment let her realize "oh c**p that was a bad idea" dont hurt her feelings and make her cry....

at 11 they just wanna be with there friends.

and if she is lieing....ground her and tell her what she did she knew she wasn't suppose to do and that shes also grounded for lieing and u dont approve of lieing.

just chit chat with the mom dont get snippy and emberass ur daughter.

just saying this from experience lol

hope this wasnt rude. good luck!

Answer 22

Are you sure you're reading the situation correctly? She asked if she could go to the friend's house---meaning hang out with her friend in her mind. Then she gets there and her friend's mom wants to take them somewhere. Since you said she could go to her friend's house (meaning hang out with her friend in her mind), then of course she said she could go.

Have you talked to her before about not going anywhere without your permission? unless you did, then I wouldn't punish her. I don't think she did it on purpose unless she absolutely knows that she is not allowed to do that.

All she wanted to do was hang out with her friend. Talk to her about in the future, you don't want her to go somewhere in public with others unless you give permission.

Answer 23

I'm not a parent, just a teacher, so take my opinion with a grain of salt . . . :)

Well, first of all, talk to her calmly, get her side of the story.  It may be that she misunderstood you or just kinda jumped the gun.  If she made a mistake, I either wouldn't punish her, or I might send her to her room to write an apology letter for being inconsiderate.

If she did deliberately lie, and if you can do it correctly, with authority and love, I would recommend giving her a spanking.

Answer 24

Definitely talk to your daughter and explain what she did was wrong.  As a punishment, I would ground her for the weekend...spend the whole weekend in her room, no tv, no phone, no leaving the room except for bathroom and meals.

I would also make her contact the friends mother, explain that she lied and apologize.

Answer 25

Time for the hairbrush!!

Answer 26

I understand how you can be upset, but its not like she lied about going to her friends house. Yes, it was a bit irresponsible of her and her friends mother not to have called and asked, but i don't believe a punishment is needed. Just talk to her and explain to her why it is important that you know where she is at all times and when she is going places. I do however think a punishment is a bit harsh. Just talk to her she will respect you a bit more, I think if you punish her she may be afraid to ask if she can go and will rebel even more. I have a feeling this may already be happening maybe you are too strict and she was afraid to ask, because you would PUNISH her. Its kinda ridiculous.

Answer 27

I personally would sit her down and just tell her that when she these ppls house, if they are going out, you need to ask.

Maybe the mother just took her. Maybe the mum thought that your daughter was spending the day with your family and just assumed taking her would be okay.

It sounds like a misunderstanding. I would talk to the daughter and let her know if at this particular persons house you need to let me know. And if it happens again there will be punishment.

I'm sure if she spends the day at another friends house who is further away, the family would just automatically take your daughter if they are going out for a little while. So why is it different when the friend is closer.

Answer 28

you have to do this yourself, dont be out here asking for advice.  At 11 you've already established what your pattern of interaction is.

Answer 29

dont hit the child, just tell her next time if she repeats the mistake she will be beatn blue and black.

Answer 30

Well, I would punish her by not letting her go to her friends house for maybe a week or however long you think.  Also talk to your daughters friend's mother and tell her the next time they are going to go somewhere have her call you and ask for permission to take your daughter out.

Answer 31

just let her know that what she did was wrong and to always let you know when she goes somewhere. Make her apologize for lying to her friends mother. And make her do an extra chore like the dishes or dusting.